Coming Out Again

I have chosen what I consider to be a rocky path as I walk through my life as a gay man. I came out here on Empty Closets in December of 2014. It was a very emotional time for me (isn't it almost always?) and I swore at that time that I would never tell anyone else, especially not my family. With the help of the wonderful people here on EC and a great therapist I have been able to come out to my wife and two of my three sons as well as some very close friends. In each case I have followed the rule of 1) Do they need to know that I'm gay? and 2) Is the knowledge something that will bring us closer together? Sometimes only one of the two rules comes into play and sometimes only one rule is enough. I was a high school band director for 41 years. Students would come into my room at the age of 11 in beginning band and leave at 18 years old when they graduated from high school. During those years I really got to know "my kids". I became very close to some of those "kids" and so I have come out to some of them...after I retired and after they graduated. I was at a concert last week and this happened...a former student came up to me and he had another guy with him. I was close to this particular student when he was in high school. He was an outstanding violinist, pianist, vocalist and dancer. I also always had the feeling that he was gay. I saw the guy he was with and automatically thought, yes he is and this is his boyfriend! The student (lets call him Bob) introduced the guy with him as his husband! So I was a little more right than I thought! (and very happy for him!) We only spoke for a moment as there was an entire crowd around us. I really wanted to talk with him as I hadn't seen him since he graduated in 2012. After the crowd had thinned out I got his seat number and went to find him. There was time before the show started so we stepped off to the side of the theatre and chatted. I said that I was happy to meet his husband and that I always suspected that he was gay. He said that he was always so scared that people would suspect and that he had tried so hard in high school to not "act gay". I told him that I knew what that felt like and that I had to do the same thing for a very long time. He got a really odd look on his face and then I said "I'm gay too". I haven't actually come out to anybody for quite a long time. Bob is one of "my kids" that I always thought I'd come out to if I got the chance...and here it was. He immediately put his arms around me and we both hugged each other! I don't know if anyone around us thought it was odd, but honestly neither one of us really cared about it at all! It was such a good feeling...not just coming out, but the two of us being able to accept each other just made a relationship that was already good, even better. It's as if we became brothers in that moment. We already had a shared past that connected us, but now the connection was even stronger. It's a little hard to put in words...but it was a very special coming out. I've thought a lot about it in the days since then. Being gay has brought a lot of pain to my life. But it has also brought to me moments like this one with Bob, an experience that I would never have had if I had been born straight. Would I change if I could? For a large part of my life the answer would have been yes...but I think that has changed. Not just because of what happened Saturday night, but because of so many things that have happened...my relationship with my son who came out to me, my "family" on Empty Closets and so many other things that have happened and people that I've met. So now I can say that I am happy to be...
David...a happy gay man

Update 2/28/24: This last Christmas Bob and his husband came to town to visit family. I had the opportunity to sit down for lunch with them and talk for a couple of hours. It was incredible!! We shared about what had happened when he was in high school, but this time it was from a completely different viewpoint! It was really interesting looking back now, as two gay men at a time when both of us were hiding who we where at the same place and at the same time. We discovered that we had similar opinions about some of the guys in the group he was in! (I'm just being honest here!) I told him it was ok for him to have those thoughts, but I was the teacher and I had to be very careful and always remember that they were teenagers and to keep my thoughts and actions appropriate. Anyway, it was a wonderful two hours of just not re-connecting...but actually connecting in a very new way. It's often surprising what life can bring your way!
.....David "gay_pride_flag: