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Coming out after so many years

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by don72tx, Jun 26, 2020.

  1. don72tx

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    It has taken me so many years to think about coming out. I had my first sexual experience with an older friend in my teens, but did not think about that i might be bi or gay even though I enjoyed it a lot. When i was 21 I had more experiences with a man and for the first time began to consider that I was bisexual. There were other men through the years, maybe a half dozen, as I finally accepted my sexuality. I am now 72 and after wanting to tell my wife for the past few years I finally was able to.

    Thankfully she took it very well and there was no blowup. We haven't talked a lot about it though I really want to. I have such desires to come out to others, but I have to be careful because some of my friends are defiinitely homophobic. I really believe it is never to late to accept who you are even if it can be a little scary. I am still trying to figure out exactly where I am because
     
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  2. DonW

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    Hi. Im glad you were finally able to come out to your wife. I have a story very similar. After 21 years of marriage, my wife and I both recently came out as bi to each other. We both can't believe it took us 21 years. But we are both much happier and feel a freedom we never have. The flip side to that is that, although we have also come out to our kids, we are very worried about coming out to other people. We live in a very conservative area.
    I realized after coming out that all of the anger issues I have had from my teens through my adult life have been having to keep my true self hidden. But no more.
     
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  3. DonW

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    Hi. Im glad you were finally able to come out to your wife. I have a story very similar. After 21 years of marriage, my wife and I both recently came out as bi to each other. We both can't believe it took us 21 years. But we are both much happier and feel a freedom we never have. The flip side to that is that, although we have also come out to our kids, we are very worried about coming out to other people. We live in a very conservative area.
    I realized after coming out that all of the anger issues I have had from my teens through my adult life have been having to keep my true self hidden. But no more.
     
  4. don72tx

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    Congratulations on coming out and happy it worked out so well for you and your wife. I know that I have felt so much better since I did tell my wife. I had thought about it for years and it really was hard to keep those emotions and desires bottled up in me so I was glad I was able to get past that and finally tell her. I still have more to reveal to her, but I hope that she will be as accepting as when i came out to her. The next big step is telling my two grown daughters.
     
  5. quebec

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    don72tx.....Our stories are quite similar. I was out during most of my college years. However the tragic death of my boyfriend/partner/lover and the rejection of both of us by his parents made me turn my back on the real me for almost 44 years. In 2014 at the age of 64 I finally reconciled with myself and accepted that I am and always have been gay. Over the last 5 1/2 years my wonderful LGBTQ Family here on Empty Closets and an incredible therapist have helped me to learn to love who I am without the shame and self-hate that tore me apart for so many years. A few years after I came out here on EC I came out to my wonderful wife. We have chosen to stay together and cherish the life and family that we have built over 42 years of marriage. It truly is never too late! :old_smile: I can say with confidence that ever since I accepted myself as gay, each year has been better than the one before. There have still been hills and valleys...and some of the valleys have been indeed deep, but I am happier now than I have been since those few years in college.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  6. don72tx

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    I am so sorry that you lost your lover so many years ago, but I am happy to hear that you have found happiness and that it has worked out for you and your wife. I am in much the same position since telling my wife about my sexuality. Neither of us wants to get divorced and we do want to stay together. We had not had sex in many, many years but after coming out to her we decided to try to have a sex life again. That has been both good and bad as while i can perform [most times] i don't really feel much passion or arousal. The last time when i was finally able to get an erection after a few minutes of entering her I lost it completely.

    I too have started seeing a therapist and she had already helped me a lot with some issues of being sexually molested by an older boy in my teens. I am also conflicted about where my sexuality really is. I know that desires can ebb and flow. but most times I do feel myself beyond being bi. That I not admitted to my wife as she really does not want to hear about my orientation.

    Thank you for writing and giving me your insights!