Coming out after going back in the closet

I can relate to the issues of moving and starting from scratch. My parents, who are elderly were just beginning to try and accept the situation (I bought a house with my partner) when I had to leave my relationship because she turned out to be abusive. I moved hundreds of miles away and threw myself into a new career. That was 10 years ago and I’ve never told anyone about my previous life. Until this year. I’ve done a lot of thinking and read about compulsory heterosexuality etc. My aim now is simply to be my authentic self to people. I’ve spoken to my closest friends who were amazing, and I joined an LGBT group. But yeah, it’s daunting and much easier to be out when you have a partner. I feel sick thinking about going back to work next year (I’m still off due to the pandemic.) but I’m determined to be real with colleagues and not hide anymore. We will see how long that lasts! When everyone is chatting about their home life....

 

I've never dated anyone, trying to transition was enough for me. I totally get the struggle to be authentic though. It's really hard in a society that expects something specific from you. Determination goes a long way. Don't loose that.
Poverty is the worst. It makes everything harder. It took years to get out, and some help and luck too. I mean, I'm still poor by most peoples standards, but compared to my old life I live like royalty. I think poor people can date, but it might take some special planning. Go for a pick nick or something similar. It doesn't have to be a fancy restraint or the movies.

 

Lack of finances definitely affects things like this...I live in a very expensive city, anywhere else I could rent a flat or small house but here I have a such a tiny place, I don’t really feel I can invite friends over because there’s nowhere to sit... so I end up going over to their place. I agree, dates don’t have to cost the Earth, but lack of money does make things harder, even in your own mind because you aren’t able to freely join in all social situations, so that makes you feel inhibited. Financial abuse was part of what I suffered previously though, and like you say compared to my old life I feel royalty now too! Funnily enough, with no one bullying me for money every month I manage just fine. There’s a lot to be said for getting into a position where you are comfortable in your own skin, and have control over your own life. Feeling as secure as you can inside yourself, is the biggest confidence giver. There are so many facets to whether someone is comfortable to be out or not.