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Coming out/Advice

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by PhoebeBlum, Sep 13, 2020.

  1. PhoebeBlum

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    Hello, I am new here and would like some advice to my situation.

    Currently I am a man in a relationship with my wonderful wife; she is very loving and for a while was supportive of me doing drag, wearing makeup and cross dressing around the house. Lately I have been really in touch with my femininity and am thinking more and more about transitioning.
    She seems to notice this and has been more hesitant of my past times and I’m worried I’ll loose her if I continue. I tried talking to her about it a little bit and she just shut down.

    Any advice about how to start this conversation or any help with her mindset would help tremendously. Thank you!
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    I am not sure that I can be any help in starting the conversation but I can talk about her possible mindset (only she can tell you for sure).

    Your wife married someone that she thought was male, she is likely straight though from the fact that she was ok with you cross dressing at home she is a fairly tolerant person at least for things that are kept private. That she cannot seem to even discuss you possibly transitioning seems to indicate to me that at least currently she does not like considering the idea of being married to a woman, this would make sense if she is straight. While you may not like the idea of losing the relationship it is possible that you might have to choose between living as your authentic self as a woman (if in fact that is who you really are) and staying in the relationship having to continue living as a man. When we get into relationships it is normally with the assumption that the person we marry is not going to change into a different person entirely and if our partners do radically change we normally start reconsidering whether we can accept having a relationship that we did not bargain for. It is also possible that if you do give her time and space to adjust that she would be able to accept it, time will tell.
     
    Ram90 and Hawk like this.
  3. PhoebeBlum

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    You are right I am just nervous and anxious about the situation. I feel helpless in a way, but I guess I’ll just have to see how things turn out.

    Thank you for the wisdom.
     
  4. JessNC

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    Hi, Phoebe. Thanks for posting. I only recntly told my wife about my cross dressing and needing to express my femme identity in some fashion. It's complicated, right? Hah. I don't imagine there is any one way that is best when telling your partner about your needs and what kind of changes you are thinking about. One thing I experienced was a real difficulty knowing just what I wanted to tell my partner. So, you may want to consider just what you need/want to share and how you want to say it--and what kind of questions your wife may have. I do know these are one-time conversations but trying to be clear may help both of you.