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Coming clean

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Dannytheshining, Oct 26, 2021.

  1. Chip

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    So to me, this is pretty strongly leaning in the direction of not bisexual, not questioning, but gay. The beach scenario is probably clouded by what your conscious mind wants to be the case, while the other situations, which are actually sexual, seem pretty strongly focused on guys. Add to that the fantasies you described above, and it's really difficult to make a credible case that you are straight, or even bi.

    The question is, do you agree with that, and if so, do you want to do anything different? It's clear the current situation is not making you happy, and one thing to seriously consider is that it ain't gonna get better, and thus, do you think you owe it to your wife to take action *now* so that she can have the opportunity to find someone who can truly love and appreciate her in the way she deserves? The longer you wait, the more you delay that possibility.
     
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  2. Dannytheshining

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    I keep thinking that there is no way I could be gay, but I took a scenario test about a sleepover with a friend who puts their hand down my pants and kept getting excited and anticipated the next step. I still feel it is built up in my head and if I tried it I would get over it quick.
     
  3. Chip

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    That's very unlikely. It would also be incredibly disrespectful and unethical to your wife.
     
  4. Dannytheshining

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    I would never do anything like that in real life. It was just a quiz.
     
  5. Chip

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    I get that. So add what you said earlier in the thread to what you said about the beach scenario, and I think of you look at it objectively, it becomes more and more clear that there seems to be little to support the idea you are straight and not much to support the idea you are even bi.

    So if that's an accurate assessment, I think that, sooner or later, you're going to need to deal with this. It's easy to put it off forever and kick the can down the road for 20 years. The problem with that can be seen by reading the accounts of any of the dozens of folks here at EC that have done exactly that. Not a single one says "Boy, I'm so glad I waited 20 years." And for many of them, their wives are furious because... well, basically, they spent 20 years with someone who doesn't really love them, and now they're older and going to have a much harder time finding another "right person."

    If you take action when you're in your early 30s... then both you and your wife have time to find and cultivate the right relationship a lot more easily.

    None of this is easy to hear. None of this is what anyone, least of all your wife, wants to hear. And at the same time, once you get through it (whether a month from now or in 20 years) then both of you are free to find someone who can truly love them the way they deserve. And I think you'll agree with me that's something both of you deserve.
     
  6. Dannytheshining

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    I get you. I will update as time progresses. Happy Thanksgiving.