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Co-worker flirty friendly, or aiming for more? - confusion

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Vesta, Dec 16, 2020.

  1. Vesta

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    So, there's a co-worker at my workplace (I work in a gym) whom I get on well with. With the way she behaves I'm fairly certain she isn't straight. She passes remarks on her Instagram page about how 'fit' Miley Cyrus is with a very gay connotation. She comments about how another co-workers girlfriend is 'quite cute' and has said so more than once to me. I also want to point out that she has a boyfriend.

    At one point I passed a comment about a couple of guys staring at her squatting at the gym (she works her butt a lot). We went back and forth a small amount about her squatting technique and I said it was pretty ok. She then replied making a jokey remark about me being almost as bad as the guys, but with a winking emote. I just went along with the joke at the time, not thinking anything and said, 'Hell yeah, gotta check out that booty!'. She replied, 'You can check out my booty any day xo'. I sat there for a moment very... I don't know... stunned? I honestly didn't know what to say back. Thankfully it was all over WhatsApp or she'd probably have had me for breakfast at that point.

    Ever since that day, she's made even more jokes with flirtatious tones and behaviours to them. I once casually passed a comment about my body shape not being quite where I want it to be, and she'd say how I have a flat stomach, looked me up and down, then smiled and winked. Me being me I just brushed it off and carried on about my day.

    Last week there was a girl doing hip thrusts for 155kg so I messaged my co-worker with a joke saying she's no longer the 'booty queen' because someone is lifting more than her. She asked if their form was good. I responded saying I had no idea because I didn't want to stand there gawping at some woman thrusting into the air. She passed a joke saying she 'thought it was my thing' with a winky face again.

    Yesterday I pointed out the gym was quite quiet and that she's missing out. She said she'd be in shortly (she was due to start her shift in less than an hour). I joked a bit more with her saying 'shortly aka 4 PM' (it was 3:20 PM at the time. She replied commenting it's only 40 minutes away, so I just sent an emote that had no mouth. Her response was, 'I know you're dying to see me but calm down xxxx'. Again I just went along with it and made a joke saying I was getting withdrawal symptoms.

    Today was the biggest confusion of all. The Welsh government have chosen to lock down Wales after the 28th December, so all gyms must close. While in the staffroom with her she remarks, 'Not to rub it in, but the gyms in Liverpool are staying open'. I just looked at her with a deadpan face and said, 'Thanks <name>'. She then said I should come to the gym in Liverpool (where she lives) and train with her there. I looked at her and said confusingly, 'Why would I travel all the way to Liverpool just to go to the gym...?' Another co-worker came in just as she responded, 'We can go for coffee after...' the co-worker grinned and said, 'Coffee..? Who knows what that'll turn into next!'. He swiftly exited the staff room again and left us to it. Then she continued asking me if I liked breakfast or having having breakfast out. I said it depends on what kind of breakfast because too much in the morning and I feel ill. She then switched it to be 'a kind of breakfast/brunch sort of thing'. I asked her where her boyfriend is, mostly because I was confused as to why she wouldn't be spending it with him. She said he lives elsewhere and she'll be alone during the lockdown.

    The whole scenario was confusing to me. I wouldn't have thought much on it but there are so many little instances where she'd make flirty jokes with me. I asked a friend and they said that she may just be being flirty as a friend, but then if it goes beyond words, then maybe it's something else.

    I don't know. I'm probably overthinking the whole thing but it's giving me very mixed signals.
     
  2. Really

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    Well, it definitely sounds like flirting to me but I guess it comes down to her intent. Is she doing it because you’re fun to talk to and “in” on the jokey aspect of it all or because she’s trying to suss out your feelings about your friendship/relationship? Friends vs more, perhaps.

    I think it’s good you asked about her bf so you can get a better idea of where she is in her relationship with him. Maybe try to learn a bit more about that to see if it’s more casual and not something she intends to pursue more with him. (Sorry bad sentence. Hopefully you get it. Haha)

    I’d say, enjoy your interactions with her but don’t read more into it without a few more concrete facts. You’ll either have to ask her some more direct questions or wait for her to offer more info. Good luck!
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    I agree with asking more concrete questions or waiting on more certain information.

    I had a friend who I was sure was flirting with me and showing interest (in this case she was out to me as Bi). This included getting me special snacks whenever a group of us met (I was the only vegan in our group), spending a lot of extra time talking together and even inviting me to her place to watch her favorite movies. After quite a while I got up the nerve to ask her out (something I have only done a couple of times in my life). She freaked out, she said that she did not think of me that way. It messed up our friendship for over a year, for months she even avoided group activities with other friends where she thought that I would show up.
     
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  4. Vesta

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    This is exactly why I'm confused. She seems like she's flirting but jokingly so. I want to put it down to the fact I respond well enough (I just go along with whatever jokes in general really) that she continues to do it. She does tease me a lot as well. Our assistant gym manager was actually her old personal trainer, so has known her for around 2-3 years already. I had considered chatting to her and asking her for some advice, but I worry it may be too soon and my co-worker's behaviour isn't too out there just yet.

    I do want to try and push to find if her relationship with her boyfriend is solid. Maybe I'm just very dense, but normally when things are going wrong in a relationship, this is when people start looking towards others to fill a sort of void. In the event this is the case with her, I don't want to be the person she uses to fill it.

    This is what has me worried. I think it's likely she's just making friendly jokes and treating me this way because I've tried to look after her when she first started her job at the gym. So perhaps she's just being really friendly because I was.

    Some of her behaviour is still very odd though. Especially her flirty jokes. Even another co-worker picked up on her behaviour trying to get me to come down on the train and travel miles just to exercise with her and go for coffee.
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

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    If she has a boyfriend then the rest of it is all potentially meaningless speculation (assuming the relationship is monogamous and you’re also looking for something monogamous). Whether or not she decides to leave him is a decision that should come from her and even when a relationship is unhappy, making the decision to leave isn’t always that easy. If you’re not careful then you could end up getting quite hurt here and things could get quite messy. Of course you can joke and have a laugh, but whilst she’s in a relationship, I would try to avoid getting invested and not read more into it than that (unless she does or says something that makes it very clear that she is interested).

    Could you call her out on it somehow? So, if she messages something along the the lines of “you can’t wait to see me”, could you reply with “women with boyfriends aren’t my type” and just see what she comes back with? Given what you’ve shared, I don’t think it’s conclusive enough to risk directly asking her about it, particularly given you work together and won’t be able to avoid her. Whatever you decide to do, be careful.
     
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  6. Vesta

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    I spoke to the assistant manager who knows her best. She said for the time she's known her, she's hand on heart, 100% heterosexual. She said it's likely that she's behaving the way she is with me because she has been let down by a friend in university in the past, and that she doesn't seem to have many friends. So the fact that I responded well to her jokes and her being herself was a huge plus to her, in that she thinks very highly of me and is just overall generally comfortable around me enough to want to spend more time with me outside of work.

    My assistant manager also mentioned that the other co-worker (who is male) unnecessarily added fuel to a fire that technically didn't exist. I did say to her that though the co-worker was making flirty jokes, I genuinely took them as just jokes, but then given him pointing out about her asking me out for coffee, I thought maybe there was something there I hadn't seen.

    Either way I'm ok with the response she gave. I admit I did feel a bit silly afterwards, but I think it was better to ask someone who knows her well, than me to continually feel awkward and uncertain about the situation.
     
  7. Really

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    Aw. Nicely done. New friends can be really good, too. :slight_smile::thumbsup: