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Clubbing in a relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by IceGalaxy, Sep 25, 2021.

  1. IceGalaxy

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    Hi guys!

    My boyfriend and I have been going out for just less than a year now and it's been going great so far! However, clubs are starting to open now and my boyfriend has said that he is keen to go out again. However, for the next month I am not with him so he would be going out with his friends (most of whom are single gay guys). I do trust him but at the same time I feel anxious about him being drunk and having lots of guys hitting on him. There are a lot of temptations and people make bad decisions when alcohol is involved.

    What should I do? I've heard so many bad stories about friends who have been cheated on at clubs but at the same time don't want to be that paranoid boyfriend and drive him away. Am I valid in my anxiety or should I be focusing on myself and my insecurities instead? Should I talk to him and if so, what should I say?

    Any help would be appreciated!
     
  2. Chip

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    What about a compromise? He goes out with friends but agrees not to drink?

    I agree that alcohol + single gay guys + clubbing = high likelihood for cheating to happen.

    Basically, if the relationship were 100% absolutely the most important thing, he'd wait until you are back. That's not an unreasonable ask. So if that's a no go, then not drinking is a reasonable compromise. If he's not willing to do either, then something other than the relationship is his first priority.

    Also, for what it's worth, I pretty firmly believe that, for the most part people that do things, like cheating, when they are drunk know what they are doing. Drunkenness is simply a social contract people seem to have entered into to give each other excuses to do things they would otherwise not do in decent society.
     
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  3. FireFox

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    I would trust him but at the same time if he cheats then kick him out, he isn't a child, he'll know what he is doing.
     
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  4. HM03

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    This - I don't think drinking is an excuse for cheating. There are partners who drunkenly gush about how in love they are and those who drunkenly cheat.....

    When you're in love you're worried about losing your partner or something happening to them. Just the way it is. Personally, I'd be fine with him going. If you haven't already, you should chat about what y'all consider cheating or what would piss you off. Some couples are fine when it happens with the other sex or kissing other people, and for some that's a huge no-no. Very important chat in general, not just for going clubbing or to be controlling, but to make sure y'all are compatible and have the same expectations of each other.

    Yup. Life is too short to have to be worrying about these things. Friends, partners etc - Trust until given a reason not to, then forgive or boot 'em to the curb :slight_smile:
     
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  5. Ayla22x

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    Afternoon IceGalaxy,

    You are 100% to feel anxiety, how did it go? In a relationship when alcohol is involved then if the other cheats he knows what he is doing he isnt a child he is in control of his actions if he cheats and i am so sorry if he did cheat.
    when i was not around my ex i kept thinking oh sh't he is going to crack on with someone else behind my back as i have never trusted anyone due to me raped.
    You aren't doing anything wrong being paranoid and he should know that you might feel isolated inside due to maybe being hurt previously and in a relationship you can or have to stick by each other.

    Hugs,

    Ayla