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Clothes from men's section: practical advice?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Crisalide, Oct 7, 2017.

  1. Crisalide

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    Just in case I really find the courage to shop there ("Don't mind what others think" is more easily said than done)... AAAAAAAAAAA... ok that was The Panic Second... hellllp (hell-p)... my first stupid question is: (it's embarassing) will pants have too much of a... space in front that will be embarassing because in my case, well, there'll be nothing to fill it with, because I don't pack (yet?) and I'm oddly stuck between in and out the closet?
    (I wish I got back to childhood when I wore those pants with no problems and found that space just funny)
    It may depend on the model, so which models look better on a skinny afab body (with large-ish tighs) without the Hey I Have Nothing Down There effect? (Or the Scarecrow Effect) Or should I surrender and look for super baggy pants in the women's section? But they somehow manage to underline curves even if they're baggy like curtains. Ahh pesky women's clothing.
    Second stupid question: what if changing rooms are divided like bathrooms? Where do I go? Do I shop out of the closet, using masculine pronouns and the men's changing rooms despite I'm not binding? Do I shop in the closet with feminine pronouns and cross the shop to go in the women's changing rooms? What do women who crossdress do?

    Some advice I didn't think about that you find useful?

    My wallet is gonna go on a diet...
     
  2. Mihael

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    Yup, the space is there, lol. But... it doesn't bother me personally, it's just loose trousers... As for trousers advice... I honestly have no idea whatsoever.

    Choose whichever changing room and pronouns you feel comfortable with. I think they cannthrow you out of the men's if you don't pass, but other than that... you can dress and speak however the hell you want! It's not their damn business and they have no right to police you. Hm, I gathered a couple of odd looks, but... I don't care :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. AlexJames

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    I've been shopping at Walmart. They don't have gendered changing rooms. And I'm gonna order from Walmart online and hot topic. You can sometimes find measurements for sizes on the store site with the item pulled up. Or google it. Otherwise I just grab an armful from both sections and hope no one asks. Or be bold and complain about needing new fall clothes that fit. And appologize second trip to the changing room.
     
  4. BrookeVL

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    Target, at least the one by me, has one changing room area that is unisex. I would stick to a slim fitting pant still, eve skinny jeans. That's what is "in" right now for guys. Really baggy pants are falling out of style I'm noticing. And as someone who has worn both, the men's pants don't have a SUPER huge are in the crotch. They have a bit more than women's, but the main difference, like you mentioned, is the men's pants are cut "straighter" and don't hug/show off curves.
     
  5. Aberrance

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    I don't find that there is a space really. Jeans are actually a really good fit, I get pretty dysphoric if I can't see a bulge in my pants so I have to pack for there to look like there's something there. If you don't pack then it'll just be flat, no problem, it's not uncomfortable either.

    The trousers you buy will depend on the brand. The same size and fit in different shops will fit completely differently. What you'll need is a waist and leg length (when I say waist I'd suggest measuring hips and wearing them low on your hips, gives you a straighter silhouette) and trying a few different styles on. I've always been really skinny and lean and I do for super skinny/skinny because everything else drowns me. Starting off with skinny fit can't be a bad thing because you can go tighter to super skinny or looser to slim/slim tapered.

    If you don't pass, especially if you're not binding, you'll probably find it easier to use the female changing rooms. Just take the clothes there, no one will say anything about you taking guys clothes into the female changing. I've been turned away from the guys before I came out and it's pretty humiliating. Most stores have gendered changing which a lot of them enforce (but I'd try and check which stores may have more lenient policies before you shop if possible), it's shit for us when we don't pass but other than buying all the clothes and trying them at home (which I prefer doing even now I pass), there's not much else we can do. I used to work in retail and when I saw trans people that didn't pass so well a few times use the changing rooms of their choice and obviously let them but my colleagues may have put up a fight, it depends on the luck of the draw.
     
    #5 Aberrance, Oct 7, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2017
  6. AlexJames

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    Really?! Cause I just realized today but the reason i hate wearing women's skinny jeans is because i hate looking at my curves. Looking at them makes me want to go on a diet that's more of disordered eating than a legit diet. I was too skinny to even have curves for my entire childhood, and now i do...and I. Hate. Them. From the moment i noticed them its been a constant thought of omg why is that there i hate it i want it removed now. So reading that guy's jeans are cut straighter AND that guys skinny jeans are 'in' is awesome! Cause i hate pants that are baggy around the ankle, cause i'm short so i have to roll them up cause i'm too cheap and socially awkward/anxious to just get them hemmed.
     
    #6 AlexJames, Oct 7, 2017
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  7. Crisalide

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    D: I can't find words. Uselessly humiliating and anxiety-provoking.

    --

    Thanks for the advices.
     
  8. Harjus

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    You have a great avatar by the way. :wink: Love it everytime I see it.

    Shopping is a nightmare. I pass but I think I am a bit traumatized. I still feel uneasy every time. Nothing too bad ever happened to me in stores but I was freaking out every time. And it's so wrong that when you are the most vulnerable you need the new clothing most.

    When I didn't pass I sometimes put on typical girls' clothing when I went shopping. Then nobody thought I was shopping for myself. I took some womens' clothes to the dressing rooms too so it looked normal. Soon I couldn't handle wearing girls' clothing though and when I was presenting masculine I usually didn't use dressing rooms. I looked nobody in the eye and fled quickly. I don't recommend cross dressing for shopping purposes if that would make you feel too bad. If there are separate dressing rooms for men and women and you just... can't.... you can always leave. You can spend your money somewhere else. I have stores I never go anymore because something kind of stupid happened or something is always wrong. As a customer you should be served with respect. You bring them money. It's all easier said than done though. I was a coward when I couldn't pass and didn't think I deserved respect.

    It's always a good sign if anyone of the staff looks queer or alternative. They will let you wear whatever you want to wear. I like alternative shops because of this. Even if almost everything would be too extra on me. Last time I looked at womens' belly dancing stuff just because it looked so amazing. I didn't even get any nasty looks. There is also this goth/punk/whatever store that I like. They just don't care. I feel like they would just give me good advice if I wanted a lolita dress or something. Those stores could be worth checking out. If you look sober and clean they are happy to have you there. Some of their stuff is usually pretty tame and likely those clothes aren't made by some poor kids. At least there is always cool hats if nothing else.

    I also used T in gel form for over a year and couldn't try on anything because the gel would have gone to the clothes and that stuff was strong. I have developed a good eye for sizes. Trousers are easy because you can just look at the waist size. If you are short like me it's propably no use looking at the length because everything is too long anyway. With shirts I prefer too big over too small. A bit too big mens' clothes look fine to me. I like oversize stuff anyway. Sometimes I do it on purpose. My size is usually S but L can look fine especially if you roll the sleeves a bit. Rolling the sleeves makes everything better.

    I hope everything goes well for you. If something bad happens you didn't deserve it. Just leave the store. Nobody can touch you or anything like that. Psychological damage is hard to heal but the threat of getting some must not stop us from living the life we deserve to live.
     
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  9. BrookeVL

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    Yeah ,as a general rule guys jeans aren't cut to hug curves, because that isn't something most guys would want. One mistake I've noticed trans guys and transmasc people making is going for loose, baggy clothes right away. Unless you're a "gangster" or a guy in his 30's who hasn't caught up with the trends and still dresses like he did in high school, most guys go for a slimmer, cleaner, more refined fit. "Tailored" if you will. And like all trans people, pay attention to what people of your identified gender who are your own age are wearing, and pick what you like from that.
     
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  10. Blackangel

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    Don't worry about looking too "empty" in the pants. No one is going to look at you weird. Tons of the women (I know you're a man but this is for reference) I have known shopped in the men's section. A lot of them just liked the baggier tops, and felt that you can get a more exact size in men's jeans.

    As for changing rooms, most every place I have ever shopped didn't gender segregate.

    If someone asks report them to management. It's not any of their damn business. At the very least they should get their ass ripped. In some cases they could get fired for any number of reasons. All valid.
     
  11. Kodo

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    In my experience, the best pants/underwear are boxer briefs. They are well fitted and soft and while yes there is a pocket there I don't have issue with it. If anything you could put a rolled up sock in it for the feel of a bulge.

    As for shopping in the men's section or dressing rooms, I've found that people care a hell of a lot less than we give them credit for. Quite simply, nobody gives a fuck. Just act like you're supposed to be there and, if you're a reasonably masculine presenting person, no one is going to give you grief. If they do just explain to them that you are in the right place and if anything they should be embarrassed for being a weirdo about it. I mean, what are they going to do, ask to look inside your pants?
     
  12. Enea

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    There are a lot of answers and I didn't read through it all, so I don't know if anyone else suggested it but.. If changing rooms are gendered and you don't want (or can't) go to the men's section, you can always go to the women's section and say that those clothes are for a friend/relative/boyfriend that has your body type and that you are buying a present for him :wink: that's the strategy I thought for myself for whenever I'll feel ready to go shopping in the men's section :slight_smile:
     
  13. Crisalide

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    This scene came to my mind:
    "It's for a friend."
    "But your trying them!"
    "He has my same body type. A kinda... twin."
    "But..."
    "Wanna meet him? *I make a pirouette and point at myself* Hello!"
    ".______."
    I have weird fantasies xD
     
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  14. Enea

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    Hahaha :laughing:
    My suggestion was serious, when my mother wanted to buy clothes for my brother she used to ask me to help her: in the end it was all about "using" me as a model, because we had the same height and the same size of trousers :jeans:
     
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  15. anthracite

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    I am skinny aswell and I always wear slim fit. Yeah, there is an empty space, but it only looks weird with skinny, not slim.

    I would say go wherever you are most comfortable. I can't tell you from the distance, don't know if it's your first clothing.
     
  16. Crisalide

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    Ehh, if I wanted to be comfortable, I wouldn't have turned gender expression to masculine last year. I felt so observed and self conscious last year, but didn't stop. Transition means going out of comfort zone in many ways.

    It will be the first time I buy things there as an adult.
     
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  17. anthracite

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    At least i can calm you in that:
    People don‘t notice. They think you‘re wearing baggier clothing.
     
  18. rokara

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    Shirt sizes in men's clothing is pretty much uniform no matter the brand you buy, so that you won't have to worry about. Pants and shorts (outside of gym shorts or anything with an elastic band) are another story. Pants sizes go by your waist and inseam measurements, shorts are waist only. For example I'm a 32/32 but some brands I had to go up to a 34 and sometimes even up to a 36! Same with shorts, so you may want to snag a few sizes of the same pair of pants or shorts to try on just in case the size you are doesn't fit.
     
  19. newts

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    I feel a little self conscious about the "empty space" in the pants crotch but I highly doubt anyone else would notice it. It's not a super significant gap or anything. And yeah, women's clothes are generally cut to emphasize curves, so I'd avoid those definitely. Personally I feel like my curves are the least noticeable in shorts for some reason. And I feel like they seem a lot more pronounced in jeans, so lately I've switched to wearing what I think would be classified as chinos? I'm sure it depends on the person though, you might have different luck than me with pant types.

    Also seconding the recommendation for boxer briefs.

    If you aren't passing then it might be easiest to use the women's changing room unfortunately.....if you feel like being brave though, you could try the men's, who knows. Some people won't care enough to stop you, and plus there were times early in my transition where I was really surprised that I passed despite not really binding or wearing super masculine clothing. So it could work out.
     
  20. Resistant

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    Hey there, I'm a masculine female who wears more of masculine clothes for long time now. I know its a struggle with anxiety to buy man assigned clothes and wear them in public at first tries. It's change that takes time, be patient, trust me, the more you do it, the easier it gets.. you'll get so used to it.

    The most important thing is to be confident in those clothes and your body language shows confidence. Show NO hesitation when you're at the store. Or they would feel the weakness and may jab at you. It's a primal instinct. If they ask you why you do this, just say you do whatever you want.

    About pants, dont worry, just dont wear too big ones or it will be funny.

    Most people don't jab on me for that, even if they are bothered they wont show it mostly as long as you show confidence in yourself. There would be rare more extreme cases but don't let them discourage you and stand your ground.

    I still can't say I'm peaceful while walking on the street like that due my childhood ptsd and anxiety of people but it's really not as bad as I thought it would.

    You can start with simple small market stores by buying simple cheap men outfit such as basic t-shirt and cargo or camo pants. They are the easiest.

    AVOID women clothes, I came to conclusion they are bad combination for man outfit 99% of the time. You want to wear clothes that show power and practicality.
    Like I said, start with very basic unisex stuff like basic non fashionable cargo pants and basic (non feminized) t-shirt. Dont wear those with girl socks or shoes or its an invitation for hens to peck at you.

    Now about changing rooms, if you are pre T go to women section and dont care how they pronounce your gender. I always go to women changing rooms even if its wearing men stuff, with all my confidence and naturality they mostly dont bother. Few get confused but I tell them I'm a female so they leave me alone. Thats something you really dont need to be offended about.

    I live in a pretty sexist society, even if it's first word.. those tactics work for me.
     
    #20 Resistant, Oct 20, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2017