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Closeted, scared, and new to this forum

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by mellissa, Mar 26, 2020.

  1. mellissa

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    I talk to LGBT students at school. However, i make sure that nobody in my inner network knows. I fear that my christian friends will figure out that I'm lesbian if they see me hanging with openly LGBT+ students.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    That is of course a risk. Hopefully the LGBT students will be understanding and discrete.
     
  3. mellissa

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    They are. They are super nice and don't pressure me at all. They know that I'm a leader in my christian club and that plus other things prevent me from coming out. How do you get comfortable telling others your sexual orientation? Or is it something that you just stay uncomfortable with your whole life? I feel like it is harder for women to come out as lesbian, because many people dismiss it as a "phase", "feminist protest", etc. Especially at my age and if you don't look like the stereotypical tomboy.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    It takes time and practise but I promise it does get easier. When I first figured out my sexuality I thought it didnt matter anyway because I would never actually be brave enough to tell anyone. Over time my desire to be out grew and I started telling people. To begin with it was terrifying but the more people I told the easier it got. I can understand in your current situation it makes it harder and only you can decide when and how you want to tell people.
     
  5. mellissa

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    Thank you.
     
  6. DecentOne

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    Please don’t go to conversion therapy. Canadians are working on a Federal law to ban it, so there is lots of good information out there about how damaging and useless it is. According to a BBC article this month, “Four provinces in Canada - Ontario, Manitoba, Prince Edward Island, and Nova Scotia - have already taken steps to limit conversion therapy within their jurisdictions, as have some cities.”

    It is way easier, way more healthy for you to consider converting to a Christian Church which is open and affirming of your orientation and has updated their biblical understanding. There are plenty out there, even if you have to find them online (mostly any church folks have to be online during COVID-19 anyway).
     
  7. mellissa

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    Thank you. Its just very difficult because I've become hard-wired into thinking that any same-sex relationship I have will be sinful. Its scary. Plus, even though the conversion therapies are now illegal in Canada, there are many churches who do it underground. You can go to any pastor you like and tell them that you are gay and want to be straight and they will try to help you. Conversion therapy bans just prevent doctors, psychologists, and more from charging to make people straight. Conversion therapy will always exist in my opinion.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    Does the fact they are making it illegal though not help you to see that it probably doesn't work/isn't a good thing. I can understand the temptation due to your situation but I know you can work through this and come out the other side.
     
  9. mellissa

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    I don't know. Its just that I feel like I'm committing a sin by accepting my sexuality. Nowadays LGBT+ Christians either go into mixed marriages, remain celibate, or marry the same-sex. Those that marry the same-sex are frowned upon for giving into their "temptations". I'll never go into a mixed-orientation marriage. However, I keep wondering if I have to be celibate. I'm trying that right now, but it feels difficult and unfair. I feel like I will be lonely my whole life. I feel like I have a lot of love to give and want to give. This may difficult for you to understand. This is the kind of thing that you have to be both LGBT and a devout christian to understand. I doubt there is anyone on this forum that understands this.
     
  10. Corax

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    How many churches have you been a part of over the years, out of curiosity? Like you said, you feel like someone who is not both LGBT+ and a Christian can't relate to your experience. It seems like the Christian groups that your currently a part of are definitely encouraging your feelings of failure, and not giving you satisfactory guidance. DecentOne mentioned it above, but I'll reiterate: not all churches are like that. If you feel like you need a Biblical perspective specifically from a church... Then talk to some other churches that see things differently than what you're used to. See what churches who are accepting of LGBT+ folks have to say about your relationship with God, and with the people you're attracted to and want to love.
     
  11. mellissa

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    I haven't been in any LGBT affirming churches. I don't think I will be able to find any. Plus, I think the main problem is with me not others. Even if I wasn't in an LGBT-unfriendly church, I would still struggle between feeling like my homosexuality is a sin. What is in the bible, keeps me coming back to this whole question of whether or not I'm being sinful by accepting my sexual orientation.

    P.S on an unrelated topic: Corax, when did you change your profile pic? I like it. Is that your bird?
     
  12. Corax

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    Out of curiosity, what portion of the Bible are you struggling with, specifically? If you don't mind my asking. Obviously if you feel like I'm prying too much, disregard the inquiry.

    P.S. I changed it yesterday lol. It's not my bird, unfortunately. I don't have a USDA license. It's just a random funny crow. Corax is the species name for the common raven. There's a similar picture with a raven wearing sunglasses, but the contrast isn't as good on a small scale as this one is. It's just me being a dork.
     
  13. mellissa

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    1) I still love the pic.

    2) The New Testament is what I pay the most attention to since it based off of Jesus and his works. There are many parts of the new testament that condemn homosexuality both in males and females. Although Jesus never spoke on the topic, one could make the argument that he never spoke about rape or incest but that isn't okay either. I swear, my biggest fear is dying with all of this on my mind. It sucks to feel like there is no right answer.
     
  14. Corax

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    One could make many arguments about what Jesus is or is not recorded as discussing.

    There are, in fact, very few explicit mentions of homosexuality in the New Testament. Most of them in the letters of Paul. A lot of modern translations make the condemnation much more explicit than it was in the original languages, this editing has been going on literally since the Word was first written.

    Ultimately I feel, it's a matter of Biblical fallibility. Biblical interpretation kind of falls into two categories: either the Bible is unchanging, infallible, and to be taken literally in all contexts irrespective of it's relationship with modern society; or the Bible is a product of it's time, a reflection of the Jewish (and early Christian, though they were obviously heavily influenced by their Jewish predecessors) culture that recorded it, and that that the Bible serves as a cornerstone upon which to build faith, but which should not be taken as a moral absolute when one tries to live a faith driven life.

    Perhaps ignore for a moment what Jesus didn't say, and focus on what he did say.

    “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
    Matthew 22:36-40

    There are so many sins in the Bible, regardless of where you stand on the modern relevance of those sins. And so many of those sins are spoken about at greater length, and in greater detail, than homosexuality.

    No human is without sin. But the greatest sin of all is blasphemy. The denial of the Holy Trinity. The unforgivable sin jsn't attraction, it isn't love. No matter to whom that love and attraction is directed.

    Your relationship is with Christ, not with Christians. And indeed, it is not their place to cast judgement upon their fellow humans. That's God's job. And Christ loves you and made you exactly how he wanted you. He wants you to live a life of love, both of yourself, and of others. You're a sinner. Everyone you know is a sinner. What you're ultimately judged on is your acceptance of Jesus as your savior. Nothing else can keep you from the Lord.

    Now, maybe I'm not the person to talk to about this. Because I'm not a Christian. But I think that you would hear something similar if you went to a church where God is held as a God of love and acceptance, not of hate and retribution. I know both types of churches exist. And I know it's hard being in the latter type. Because I've been in the latter type. But I think those types of churches reflect the fear inherent to humanity more than anything else. That's my two cents anyway.
     
  15. silverhalo

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    Hey like @Corax I am not a devout Christian but I do know there are people on this forum who are or have been in exactly your position christians and people of other religious faiths. It is true that I didnt have the same dilemmas in my head when coming to terms with my sexuality but I do totally understand why it is difficult for you and why you believe that in your mind at the moment you cannot see a way to be a good Christian and to accept your sexuality.

    Currently it is going to be impossible to get to an lgbt church and whilst you are living with your parents attending one might be difficult but I definitely think it is worth some research. I know quite well 2 people from this forum from several years ago who were having the same issues but they started attending lgbt friendly churches and that lead them to understand the way in which they can still have their love of god and a church family around them that also believe whilst also accepting their sexuality.
     
  16. mellissa

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    Thank you so much Corax. You make me feel a lot better. I can tell that you put a lot of effort into this response. I'm really happy I came on to this forum. You're not a christian, but you seem to have such a broad knowledge of Christianity. How is that possible?
     
  17. mellissa

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    Thank you Silverhalo. Do you know where these members are? Is there a specific chat for LGBT+ people of faith?
     
  18. Corax

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    I grew up in a very devout Christian household, and was very active in the church. I was baptized, volunteered, the whole shebang. Around the age of 17 I started questioning for a lot of different reasons, but the largest defense of my decision was the study of scripture.

    I didn't think a decision to believe or not believe in a god should be made in ignorance of the basis of the religion I was dismissing. So I did a lot of scripture reading. I even started writing an essay/letter to my parents admitting that I was atheist, using only scripture to back up my decision because I knew that's what they'd try to use to convince me to believe. It never happened because of my health problems and needing to move back in with them. So I'm a closeted atheist who needs to be able to talk like I'm still a Christian because I can't risk what would happen if they found out the truth.

    Just because I don't believe doesn't mean that it's my place to refute someone else's belief. And I know that religion provides a lot of comfort for a lot of people, and I respect that.
     
  19. mellissa

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    Wow. So you're closeted both in terms of your sexuality/gender identity and faith. That is really difficult. I'm closeted both in my sexual orientation and veganism. My parents think that I'm just a vegetarian. They hate that I'm a vegetarian and think that vegetarians are malnourished. Isn't it strange that we keep so many secrets from our loved ones? When did we get so good at hiding?

    Do your parents expect you to marry the opposite sex and have children?

    May I ask why you had to move back in with your parents? Is it due to your health issue or just financial issues? If you don't want to talk about it you don't have to.
     
  20. Corax

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    You do what you have to do to survive, I guess. It takes a toll on the soul though, I feel.

    Yes, my parents are vocally disappointed that I'm not married with children yet. (My mother was done having children by the time she was my age). My father in particular resents having to support me and thinks that's what a husband should be doing. Are your parents the same way?

    There are household chores that I can't do on my own, and I can't work enough to afford to live on my own. So it's both physical and financial that I need to live with my parents. Unfortunately I don't really have any friends that I could ask to share rent/chores with, and I haven't been in a relationship in ten years. One because meeting people is hard when you're largely homebound, and two, because very few people want to be in a relationship with someone who's disabled. That's ignoring my sexuality/gender issues entirely lol.
     
    #40 Corax, Mar 29, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2020