I’ve suffered from clinical depression since 2006 or maybe even slightly earlier near the end of 2005. The root cause was due to how I was approaching adulthood but not having a relationship while nearly every guy at school had a girlfriend. I had spells before where I suffered days of sadness but I would get past them and I still had some hope because apparently God had a “plan” for me. I also didn’t know I had Aspergers until after I truly became depressed. When I found out, it was both a relief and a nightmare. I always felt different than other people and wondered why I was constantly suffering from relentless thoughts as well as struggling to fit in but I also read that it persisted into adulthood and many men who are on the spectrum never date, marry, or even have sex. Aside from a short lived relationship back in 2010 and two brief fool arounds, I have been chronically single for most of my adulthood. I turned 32 this year and I feel like my time is either running out or maybe it already has and I am just struggling against acceptance? All four of my siblings are married and have children while I haven’t dated in years. Even my cousins who I’ve known since they were babies are either dating or getting married. I am always wondering when my “time” will ever come and if it will happen while I am still young. In recent times, I have become curious if I am bisexual but I really want to be with a woman more than with another man. The fact I live in a generally homophobic culture and family doesn’t help things either.