Hi I’m Clayton for the time being. I’m 19 and living life as a lie to everyone. I live a dark and gothic life sort at this time because of my internal truths that I can’t make a reality. I’m transgender MTF but also a lesbian I believe. I’m still a virgin but I just think once I transition that I will be lesbian just because of my opinion of men. Which aren’t good but I still respect them I just don’t like the way I feel as a man. I’m confusing and I understand this lol. So I’m forced to live inside this male body that I hate everything about. My parents know... however are all Christian so they basically try and act like this doesn’t exist even though they know the truth... I’m coming here just to kinda put myself out there and tell my story and ask for help. Whenever I started and realized what I was I started to try and lose weight to get down to feminine form. My parents found out and stripped my online friends away that all knew and supported me. They also told me that I can’t try to lose weight if I’m aiming for a female form. I also had long hair at the time which they forcefully cut since it made me feel better about myself. This has all caused me to become depressed and I’ve added weight rather then lose it :-/. The reason I still live with them is because there paying for my college degree. I still have a year and a half til I’m done and can get away. So here’s my questions to you all! What could I do to make me feel better without them knowing... they have access to my bank account but I think I can withdraw money and buy stuff. But they use my vehicle sometimes and I have no where to hide stuff. I still feel stuck and depressed and need help really bad. Thank you for reading this long post. Love, Clayton/Clara
first i love the name clara, and second maybe try painting your nails or buying a wig i know its not the same but its a start
Yeah, little things like that can definitely help, even if you don't wear them in public. I've heard from some people that starting a skincare regimen can help with dysphoria and it's not that uncommon for male identifying people to do so you might able to pass it off to your parents. You could also start researching medical transition now (if that something you're interested in) so that you can come up with a plan and be able to start right away once you finish your degree.
