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Cis people- do you often dream about gender identity?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Canterpiece, May 22, 2020.

  1. Canterpiece

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    I'm just curious to see if anyone can relate. So, I'm cisgender. I've almost always identified as female, I did briefly question that when I was about fifteen when I wondered if I was gender-fluid or non-binary but I came to the conclusion that I am most comfortable in a female identity.

    However, I do have a significant amount of dreams about gender. I've had dreams about coming out as a trans guy. Plus, I've had dreams about coming out as genderfluid. In these dreams I've felt rather self-conscious about my body. So, in real life I used to be a little insecure about being small-chested. However, overtime I became comfortable with this aspect of myself and now I'm not usually bothered by it, rather it's just another aspect of me.

    In these dreams though I actually feel uncomfortable about my chest not being flat enough, which is a strange sensation. Weirdly I've had days like that in real life, but it's less common than the former feeling. On a few occasional days I've actually flip-flopped between the two feelings which is distracting and confusing. Maybe an intrusive thought perhaps? I've also had changing feelings about my rectangular body shape / lack of curves. Sometimes I'm self-conscious about it, but most of the time I feel comfortable or happy with it.

    My feelings can influence the clothes I pick, if I'm feeling self-conscious about the lack of hips I'll usually go for clothes that tuck my waist in / bring attention to the waist. Whereas, on days where I want a less defined frame I tend to choose loose fitting button-up shirts over a t-shirt. If I'm feeling self-conscious about my chest showing too much, I might wear loose tank tops. But on other days I'll wear the exact same thing and feel uncomfortable about how flat it makes me appear, so I'll pick a different t-shirt. I'm not quite sure what's going on there.

    Anyway, in these dreams, I've had moments where I've felt insecure about my voice. However, in real life I'm actually quite happy with my feminine tone and I never feel insecure about it. Sometimes I have dreams about dressing in drag. I've wondered about trying that out before in real life but I never have. Not fully sure why I feel like doing so, I don't even wear make-up under regular circumstances. There's something about trying out being that persona that's oddly compelling to me. I've been to drag shows before but it wasn't really my thing, yet I do wonder about trying it myself.

    Heh. Perhaps it's secretly the targeted ads that I keep seeing that's got me wondering. I get ads for button-up men's shirts and also flowery flowing dresses. Both of them appeal. Sometimes I wonder if I want to dress more androgynous or if I want to go for a more feminine look (maybe even combine them). Depends on the day really.
     
    #1 Canterpiece, May 22, 2020
    Last edited: May 22, 2020
  2. Vesta

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    Not once have I dreamt about my gender identity. I'm fully comfortable as a female. I cannot imagine my life as anything but female.

    From what I understand of dreams, they're not usually something with literal intention, but a projected representation of unconscious thoughts/feelings we have in our daily lives. You mentioned self-consciousness, so perhaps your dreams of being a trans male or being gender fluid represent this desire for change?
     
    #2 Vesta, May 23, 2020
    Last edited: May 23, 2020
  3. musicteach

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    I don’t usually dream, but on the Times I have, I’ve never dreamed about my gender. I’m male, and that’s all there is to that.
     
  4. Mihael

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    Maybe it’s a way in which you are considering this possibility and wondering if it feels like you to be a trans guy or not? Some dreams are a way of preparing yourself mentally for something or experimentation.

    On a different note, plaid shirts mixed up with flowery dresses seems like a cool style :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. Canterpiece

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    I think that what's most interesting about the dreams is that my reaction in them differs drastically depending on the dream. Since it's a reoccurring theme it's happened quite a few times in different contexts. In some of the dreams I don't even address it. Whereas in others it can be either a positive or a negative reaction. It happens enough times that it's no longer strange to me since I know it's a dream. Often in these dreams I have an awareness that I'm dreaming.
     
  6. Mihael

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    Still, wondering about a subject can take many dreams.
     
  7. Canterpiece

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    I think that, personally, I am in the position that I wouldn't want to live as male in everyday life. However, I wouldn't be opposed to doing so if it were for a character. It'd only really bother me if I couldn't go back to being me- an identity that is tied into being female, but not so much that I wouldn't play the part if given the choice.

    Sometimes I think about this and I think my dreams reflect my attitude to gender. I am Cis, but I am able to imagine what it'd be like if things were different and the act of doing so isn't strange to me, but it would start to feel strange if I couldn't go back to what I'm used to . Growing up, there were certain male characters that I secretly wished I could play the part of because I related to them.
     
  8. Mihael

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    Hm, I was also used to being a girl and breaking from that took some discomfort, but it didn’t feel right to identify as female. There was a certain dissonance. That being said, there are plenty of people who are cisgender practically speaking, but aren’t the most cisgender people ever. Who could live as either or feel weak sense of attatchement to their gender. Some cisgender people feel really strongly male or female, but it isn’t the case for everyone. The rule of thumb is that the people who feel strongly male or female adhere to gender stereotypes and those who don’t are more androgynous. Anyway, for most it doesn’t mean they will transition in the sense of name and pronouns... because how does one transition to non-binary physically? I guess this is instinctual to dress in a way that relflects how we feel or what we like, in a general sense?
     
  9. Canterpiece

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    I think that for me it varies. Sometimes I do have a strong sense of being female, but not always. In other moments it simply is and I don't really think about it. Then there are times where I do think about it for a bit, but always end up coming to the conclusion that my identity is a female one.

    As well as male characters, I also used to imagine myself in the role of female celebrities and characters. For me, it was about what they represented. Confidence, style, personality etc. However, I did feel slightly othered growing up. I went through something of a I'm not like other girls phase. During this time I wasn't sure how to feel about more typically feminine clothing such as skirts and dresses. I had mixed feelings about them. However, I wear skirts and dresses these days. I feel comfortable doing so but wasn't back then.

    Some days I like dressing feminine, but other days I like to dress more androgynous. I like being read as female but I don't always know how to feel about my body. Admittedly, I do have some insecurity about not being seen as a dateable option, yet I have difficulty expressing interest in others because I worry about coming off as a creep even though I am not acting as such.

    In comparison, I have a few friends that are rather body positive and openly talk about whom they find attractive. Personally, whenever I do so, I always have this nagging feeling that I'm doing something wrong. Even though I'm openly gay, I still find it strange to discuss such things. I think I overdo the attempts at showing that I'm not shallow and that I think about other things so much that it comes across as though I have no interest at all. Why I'm like this, I'm not fully sure.
     
  10. Mihael

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    I guess everyone imagines they are some character or celebrity for their traits not their gender. Or just in general identifies with people for that kind of reasons.

    Not everyone is the most cisgender or maybe you didn't line up with most people's experiences of being female, because you didn' t simply line up with most people's experiences or with the experiences of the loudest people, “the cool kids”.

    I think everyone has worries if they are attractive, just different people experience it at different degrees.

    I guess that if you express interest in a polite manner and stop when the other person says they want you to stop, nothing wrong with expressing interest in someone. I have adult classmates who would randomly grab people’s buttocks or breasts - that is the wrong thing to do. That’s quite extreme, but as long as you don’t take no for a yes, all is okay.

    You also don’t have to want to discuss who you find attractive, however, it seems like you have some sort of anxiety about it. On one hand, there is not so much to be worried about in it, on the other hand, it’s natural to not trust everyone with telling who we find attractive. You may come across as uninterested - but do you need to come across as interested in this particular way? I can’t say I’m worried about who will get to know who I find attractive and what they will say about that, but I don’t talk about it either, and that is completely fine. Like I said, not everyone has to want to discuss it. I’m not into drama. When I like someone, I ask them out and make it otherwise obvious.
     
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  11. Destin

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    I've never once dreamed about, thought about, or wanted to be any gender but male. I'm thin and have delicate facial features so I already wish I looked more traditionally masculine, not more feminine.

    There was one time in high school where a series of events mostly caused by me being an idiot led to my clothes being lit on fire in the middle of a hookup with a girl. Turns out that when trying to sensually drip candle wax onto someone's body for sex reasons it's important to not accidentally drop the candle onto your pile of clothes....in her parents house....which you're not allowed to be at....while they're home....when the only escape route is climbing out the window....while wearing a dress from her closet to not have to run home naked....yeah....fun times. Wanted to vomit once I saw myself in a mirror wearing a dress, never again, I'd rather take the naked walk of shame.
     
  12. Mihael

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    I can’t say I feel that repulsed from feminine clothes, but yeah, I’d rather wear something else. Maybe if you have testosterone dominating your system, the visual effect is also a bit different, the female body looks good in a dress, fact of life. Personally, I have nothing against dresses, but I don’t feel good in them either. Masculine clothing, on the other hand, makes me feel good about the way I look, I hated shopping for female clothes, and I can even enjoy shopping now...
     
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