Cis gender…Or nah?

Even if I do feel detached from my gender assigned at birth to an extend, I want to make sure that I am not overthinking things, just in case.
By the way, I joined an ️‍ ️‍⚧️ group recently, and I decided to go by he/they pronouns and use a masculine name, but thank you for those who shared their experience with me.

 

I searched on gender wiki and I think I am probably trigenderflux (male, librafeminine and girlflux, but since girlflux sort of includes librafeminine, so I can also be bigenderflux), but I am just considering that I may be this.

I guess it’s me not being too pressured of presenting as my ASAB one reason that I’ve considered myself of being cis. Very mild gender dysphoria is another reason. However, I do experience gender euphoria, the only times that I got ‘sir’ were on telephones, and whenever people call me ‘she’ I just feel I am not a girl. I also imagine that I have body parts of the opposite sex, which makes me euphoric.

Nonetheless, I am only about 16 years old, and in high school everyone sees as a girl. Recently three boys were talking about girls our class, and one of them said that I look very adorable. It is also notable that men are portrayed as emotionless and friendless in gender stereotypes, which is me, but most guys I know are very extroverted and talkative. They are very athletic as well, while I am just a fragile person. Since the male part made up a large proportion of my gender identity, I don’t know what to do. I don’t relate to most guys around me (although it’s the same for girls, so it’s a kind of canceled each other out), so I always feel like that I am a fake trans person, or is it that I am only a trans person in my imagination, whereas I am still a female, or maybe librafeminine in reality? idk I am very confused and this is the issue.

The majority of my schoolmates are not very friendly to lgbt people. They are just a bunch of straight cis people trying to poke fun at other people using lgbt terms. For example, I think that there’s a video on YouTube, whose topic is ‘Why are you Gay?’, which boys make fun of it and say that they are gay, though I am pretty sure that they’re not gay. Moreover, there’s a person in our class, who’s more of a colleague than a friend to me and is literally the only person that I can share my crazy ideas with, and he is anti-lgbt rights! He said he’s not going to tease people for being lgbt, but he insisted that ‘lgbt should not go on parade and brainwash other teenagers’! He’s also anti-non-binary by saying that there are only two genders, male and female, and he’s anti-toilet rights as well.

Worst of all, the GSA group that I joined was not allowed to register as a formal club since the club teacher was afraid that parents may see that their children are in it. Plus, that guy whom I mentioned joined this club, and said that he and his crony decided to ‘destroy the GSA by being spies’! He even thought that I’d help him. Perhaps I should tell on him?

I have mixed feelings about being trans*. If my classmates ever know that I am not cis, they’ll probably be like ‘Hey, this adorable girl is wanting to be a guy!’’. Furthermore, after I grow up, many things are going to difficult for me being non-binary. I agree with Mihael that nothing is worse than denial in the closet, but coming out does have a risk. I guess that I may just live under my ASAB for my entire life… It does have a difference with being a cis woman, but people won’t know about it.