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.Childhood and now want to say?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by lm2020, Jul 13, 2020.

  1. lm2020

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    Hi. Childhood had sexual relationship with a girl. now, I question my sexual preference and everything. I want to be real. I'm in therapy and feel obligated to say everything but I'm scared. I like boys a ton. just because this bappendd, does it mean I m bisexual? no idea. I am what I am.I'm trying to accept everything that comes with it. my family and friends are real strick. no idea what to do. if you can see this, please help. it's all I think about! Thanks!
     
  2. Joelle b

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    Yes, you are bisexual sounding, though you can pick any term you want really. If a person loves or likes even one girl, and their entire life they only date guys they still are technically bi, same if they only date three guys and date tons of girls and marry one eventually. Bisexual is a preference, though non of us have the same. I am bi. I like girls, sometimes I like guys. Thad how it works. But then you are older now, and you can chose to identify as straight and nothing is wrong with that. You were a child then, and perhaps that has really gone away or it was special to that one girl.
    Hope that is helpful. And no matter what I say, you know you best. I read two paragraphs about you, you are you.
     
  3. lm2020

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    Hi! Thanks! I hope we can talk here. I'm relieved someone replied! that's good! it's heavy on my heart. I want to go to a cousler and talk about it. I'm thinking about all the risks. my family is really strict. it could go bad terribly if I tell them especially because it involved someone in my family and I don't want to throw them under the bus! I love her too much to say her name. Ya. it was something I did with a girl when I was younger. I had terrible trouble finding a man. but that not really the problem too much. my preference would be a girl too. I'm really messed up. it's hard to say everything in my life and how it effects me and what comes out of it. they say love or money. it a hard to choose. I want both. if I tell my family and friends they may cut me off with money and hurt or kill me! I don't like the stigma that goes with being big.no one does and should not! I'm in therapy and this issue has been not gone through! I'm so emotional and it's all I can think about! I love my family and friends! but maybe it's for the best I do come out! it's freeing I know! maybe something's will change! if they can't accept me for something that happened to me and I liked it, well then. fine! I will have to make a new life for myself. I hope they can accept and we can have a good family and friends! please talk to me here. Thank you!!
     
  4. LostInDaydreams

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    I think it would be a good idea to speak to your therapist about this. Could you put it in writing and hand it to your therapist, or email beforehand? That’s what I’he done with things that I’ve struggled to say out loud.

    Also just to say, one sexual experience doesn’t necessarily define or change your sexuality. I was in a nine year relationship with a man, but that doesn’t mean I have to identify as bisexual. How you feel now is what counts, so identify in the way that feels right to you.
     
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  5. Chip

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    Please be really careful with the advice you offer. There's quite a bit of simply inaccurate information in the above post that will only serve to confuse people.


    Unless we are nitpicking with a technical description last used in the 1940s, you aren't bisexual simply because of an experience you had as a child, especially if the person you had the relationship with was older (which could imply that it was not fully consensual, even if you consented at the time.) What really matters is what you are feeling now. There are plenty of people who experiment (sometimes with arm twisting/coercion, sometimes voluntary) with a same-sex partner or friend a few times when they are a young teen, or maybe they even have a relationship for a bit with a same-sex partner. But if that's the only time in life that happens... and they grow up to have little or no same-sex interest, then it's pretty hard to argue that was anything more than experimentation. The key is whether there really is no same-sex interest once you reach adulthood; some adults convince themselves that's the case and simply shut away that part of themselves, only to have it show up again later. But that is different from genuine exploration as a child or younger teen.

    The same can be true for the opposite: Someone can have an opposite-sex person they experiment with or even have a relationship with in their teens, figure out they are much more attracted to the same sex, and at that point, let go of any opposite-sex interest. It would be hard to describe that person as anything but gay.

    Also, bisexuality is not a preference; it is a sexual orientation. "preference" sounds like a choice, and sexual orientation is for the most part hard wired. We don't "choose" our sexual orientation, "choose" to be bi or straight, or gay. If we did... if we did, lots of gay people would "choose" to be straight, but that isn't how it works.

    So no one but you can know what you are feeling, or experiencing. I do strongly encourage you to be completely honest with your therapist; that's the only way s/he can help you is if you put everything out there. Yes, it is scary to make yourself vulnerable. However, a therapist's entire role is to be nonjudgmental and to support and help you better understand yourself, and so as long as you feel safe and that the therapist is trustworthy and can stay out of judgment, then it's a wonderful place to explore uncomfortable, shameful stuff that you want to talk about.
     
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  6. Lexa

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    I agree with Chip: talk about it in therapy. It helps a lot. Things become clearer after a while. I'm in therapy because I'm depressed but it helps for other stuff too. :slight_smile:
     
  7. lm2020

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    Hi. Thank you everyone! What a relief to have help. Love everyone. Thanks!
     
  8. quebec

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    Im2020.....Just in case no one else has said it...welcome to Empty Closets! As others have said, talking to your therapist is very, very important. Also as suggested...if what you need to say is too difficult to say out loud, please write it all down and give it to your therapist. I did that with my very first session with my therapist and it helped a lot! I tried to email it to him and it didn't work so I read it to him. That was tough but it worked. You can mail the letter, email your letter or just hand it to your therapist. Please consider that! In the meantime, please remember that you are a part of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care! Please keep us updated on how this goes for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag: