So my dysphoria fluctuates a lot. I can go a long time feeling dysphoric and then not feeling dysphoric about my body. That's part of the reason that I think I may be non-binary. However, I'm noticing that even when I'm not really feeling dysphoric, I still want a flat chest. I think it would look right if I were to have a flat chest. But at the same time, I haven't really felt chest dysphoria in awhile. But I still want a flat chest. Is wanting something like that but not quite feeling dysphoric a symptom of dysphoria? I've felt dysphoric and wanted a flat chest but what happens if you don't really feel dysphoric but still want one? I have done lots to alleviate my dysphoria so could that be a reason why? That I'm not really feeling dysphoric about my chats because I've done so much to alleviate dysphoria but because I still have breasts I still have that urge to get top surgery?
It is normal for dysphoria to fluctuate. "I have done lots to alleviate my dysphoria so could that be the reason why?" Yes, it could. It's only logical. You talk a lot about conflicting feelings. It's normal to have conflicting feelings. About all kinds of things. You needlessly beat yourself up over this. It's completely normal to have dilemmas. And ultimately, whatever you feel, it is you who decides what to do about it, not your feelings. Sometimes we need to reach a compromise with ourselves or with others.
It's normal for dysphoria to fluctuate, because sometimes we focus on our body and sexuality, and sometimes we focus on other things like school or work or an interest, hobby or on other people. It would be strange if you wouldn't be able to focus on something else or at least a sign of severe depression. You just don't... need to dwell on your internal feelings all the time, and even aren't supposed to, because there are things that have to be done and there is a wide world full of wonders to explore. Sometimes, of course. But not all the time.
hey ken, you seem to be worried about this a lot, so i just wanted to say this: the amount of dysphoria you experience is not what determines your gender. there are non-binary people who suffer extreme dysphoria, and trans men who have almost no dysphoria or none at all. what is a more objective measure of your gender is how you feel when you're seen as a certain gender. dysphoria can be a bit muddy sometimes: it can be affected by your mood, other body issues and general insecurities. it can fluctuate, it can be relieved sometimes, for a while it might be gone completely. but how you feel when you're seen as, or see yourself as a certain gender is much more important. the fact that you want a flat chest does not just say something - it says more than your dysphoria does. how do you feel when you see yourself as male vs when you see yourself as non-binary? how do you feel when other people perceive you as a certain gender? the answers to this are most likely not straightforward rightaway. it's okay to take your time, and you're still young - part of growing up is learning more about yourself as you go along. you don't need to know all the answers right now - most people don't at your age. are you seeing a (gender) therapist at the moment, and if not, would you be able to? seeing a gender therapist does NOT mean you have to start transition, and you definitely don't already need to know exactly where you stand on your gender. they're there to help you through this process and explore where your feeling come from, why they're stronger at some times than at others, and also why it causes you so much worry when your dysphoria isn't as strong. just to repeat: you don't need dysphoria to be trans. the amount of dysphoria does not dictate your gender, either. you don't need to suffer 24/7 to be valid.
