Mental state: My mental “depression voice” (male, angry, deeply hateful) is on the ropes. Rather than passively surrendering my mental landscape to depression, I’m actively thinking as “myself” (female, patient, compassionate). The result is I’m no longer burying my gender dysphoria under a mountain of self loathing. It makes functioning much easier, but I’m constantly accompanied by a deep discomfort that I can’t rationalize away. I guess this is what dysphasia is like. Therapy: Working on it. Ran up a big bill and had to stop. Paying that bill next week and resuming sessions. I am constantly checking Reddit’s trans timelines page. It’s the same emotional loop each time: I mentally high five all those glorious people like they’re running a marathon, enjoy the good vibes, and then get really sad that I’m not out there running too.