Earlier, I changed my computer's desk background to a non-sexual picture that includes a bunch of shirtless men. For some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, I keep clicking the button that minimizes all windows so that I can look at this picture. LOL Oddly, though, I don't feel comfortable with this background picture. It will be interesting to see if I'm still using this image tomorrow at this time. Of course, I can argue that if I get rid of it, I'm just going back to what I usually do. I've generally not used background images. But, of course, the real reason is probably that I feel like: "This seems gay!" Interesting that I should worry about that... I've accepted I'm not straight for several years now. It's not like this picture is blatant sex. And it's not like anyone else is likely to see it. I live alone, never have guests. The image can be seen only when logged in, and my home directory is encrypted so if I drop dead tonight, it's highly unlikely anyone would see what sort of desktop background image I had. Heck, I could have videos playing in the background of men openly copulating with each other, and no one would ever know! And yet...even though intellectually I realize this, there is still that part of me that cringes at this picture. That part that thinks it should be deleted as soon as possible. "Just in case." That part of me was probably programmed when I was young, in an era when it was Not Ok To Be Gay, and somehow hasn't read the memo that societal acceptance has improved...
Honestly? It's not something I'd ever do. Sort of reminds me of something a teenager would do, to be honest (I can see a young straight boy having his desktop background be a bikini-clad model or something like that). But if it's not hurting anyone and you like the picture, do your thing. Maybe instead of feeling weird about it, you can take delight in knowing that it's a bit "naughty" to have a desktop background like this. Have fun with your own hang-ups, so to speak. I usually choose a calm, innocuous picture for my desktop background, only because I want to feel calm when I use my computer; it's a place where I work and am often "getting things done." Maybe your computer symbolizes sex for you? So you use a sexy image of handsome men? Who knows. Either way, do your own thing and be comfortable with whatever that is. There is no "proper" way to be gay. Just be you. Maybe, regardless of the fact that you're gay, you're just not comfortable with lewd images being out in the open. Who knows? Maybe that's just who you are, regardless of sexuality.
Good point. Although we've discussed here (at least one time in my memory since joining EC) feeling like a teenager for the second time. LOL Although I didn't stoop to quite that level... They are shirtless, yes, but it's not to specifically provide eye candy.
Yea I hear you. I suppose discovering you're gay later in life could be sort of rediscovering yourself sexually, thereby causing you to relive some of those teen years, in some ways. That's cool. Whatever... ya know? That being said, either learn how to have fun with this hang-up of yours or maybe just decide to take the picture down. Like I said, maybe regardless of your sexuality you just aren't comfortable with nudity on a certain level? Who knows? If you choose the former, maybe find a way to make it a fun thing, like "Yea I'm so gay I have to see shirtless men even when I open my computer" - or whatever it is. That's fine. Have fun with it. If you go with the latter, maybe take some time to examine why this picture makes you uncomfortable! Examining this might give you more insight into your personality/sexuality or how you feel about your sexuality. Who knows? Either way, like I say to plenty of people on here, the most important thing to me is feeling comfortable with me and I suppose I'm not much different than anyone else, so comfort with one's self is probably important to others as well.
And maybe that picture was "tacky." I guess I'm just a tacky person. Maybe I'm not gay after all--I just don't have right sort of refined taste to be gay!
