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Catalyst

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Laine7008, Nov 22, 2022 at 6:15 AM.

  1. Laine7008

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    I came across an article yesterday talking about how a person can be a catalyst in self realization.
    How this woman described her experience was like reading my own mind.
    I do not have a romantic or physical relationship with my catalyst but she has had the same effect on me.
    I hate to throw word “love” around like it’s nothing but I truly feel I have a type of love for this woman. It’s something I have never experienced not even with a man. She holds so much of me and she’s doesn’t even know it. It’s kinda scary.
    I’ve felt this way for over for over a year now, literally from the moment I met her I have never stopped thinking about her.

    Something that was mentioned in the article was even though nothing may develop with the catalyst, they change your life forever. I feel that completely, I question so many things now, I look at things so much different now that I know my life will never be the same as it was before her.

    Do you all have a similar catalyst experience?
     
  2. Laine7008

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  3. TinyWerewolf

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    I have, with a few people. One is in a more sexual sense, so I won't talk about that one. The two others are people I deeply fell in love with.

    The first was a boy in my class in grade school, he's technically my first kiss. I loved him so much, and everyone could see it from a mile away. He'd felt the same it seemed, we were extremely close- inseparable. His dad got a job in a different city though, so he and his family moved. Our first kiss was a kiss goodbye, and I had to lie about it when asked. We stayed friends over the years, he came back for my senior prom. We still felt the same for each other after all those years, and I told him I'm bi- he didn't react terribly but it wasn't acceptance either. That was where things ended in the romantic sense, guess it was for the best because I figured out I'm trans a few months later. I hardly speak to him now.

    My most recent ex is the second, and the most powerful, catalyst. I've never loved that intensely in ten years, she was my world. Just holding her made me so much happier, people who knew we were together saw the difference she made in me even. Life tore us apart, we were each other's biggest secret and it had to be that way for both of us. Our schedules stopped lining up, when she ended it to spare us both we'd gone seven months without seeing each other. I still miss her even though that was eight months ago. I wish I could forget her at the moment. Any memory I have of her is like a sweet dream, but then I wake up from that daydream and she's not there.
     
  4. CL1990

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    if had 2 catalyst so far:

    - 1 the first woman i was ever involved with. broke my heart and took me into such a state of pain that with therapy i uncovered a lot of childhood issues with my mum who i adored up until then

    - 2 had a crush on this girl at work. made my realize how i use limerance and fantasy to avoid feeling my own pain like an addiction. working on this one now..!
     
  5. BiGemini87

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    I most definitely have, even if most of them are in retrospect. My high-school friend (a fellow bisexual) was certainly one of them--the most important one, in fact--and still holds a very special place in my heart. While my first crush on another girl and many others since have all fallen into the realm of "that was another me, another life", my catalyst is still part of my life--even if it's in a very limited capacity.

    Like the article, I've found myself struggling to move past her. We've never been together, so it might be easier for me than it would have been if we'd had a romantic relationship--but I take solace in knowing that it's okay to love her, even if friendship is all we'll ever have.

    For those who had relationships (or those who didn't get the chance and things still went awry), I wonder if they can find comfort in knowing their experience meant something, because it's something they can carry with them in the future. Maybe that's something you can reach too, when you're finally ready to move on. I know it's been hard for you, so I hope that you will make peace with things when the time is right.
     
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  6. Cinnamoon

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    I guess I've had a few catalysts. The change they've made to my life has always been slow though, over the course of months or years, and those changes have been something I've only slowly realised as time has gone by.

    My ex was probably the first. We were together two and a half years, he ended the relationship. For ages I felt trapped and uncomfortable, but also like I was being loved and cared for so I didn't want to leave. It took me struggling with my inner demons for two years and the pandemic to make me realise how much I appreciated him and was ready to be with him for life. Then he left me. We stayed fwb and talked a lot, but then he got into a relationship with his ex before me and since then he hasn't even been a reliable friend. He's taught me that I can't rely on a relationship for happiness, and sometimes those who think they love you love the idea of you more than they actually love who you are.

    Then there was the guy I liked in an open relationship, who I was wrestling with when I first joined up here. He taught me that sex and intimacy mean massively different things to different people, and that despite my ex's problems, it's rare to find someone as communicative and caring as he was to me when we were together. He taught me that it's much harder to find genuine love and affection than it is to find people who want me for what I can give them rather than who I am, and I guess for the most part I've been more skeptical since him. I've also learned to avoid open relationships like the plague.

    And then there's the guy I'm still struggling with. He taught me that sometimes, I need to let go and not believe people so readily when they say they're there for me, even as friends. And that while mental illness is hard for everyone, it's not acceptable to take emotional abuse from someone just because they have a disorder. He taught me that betrayal doesn't just happen within relationships, that it can mean false promises and gaslighting from someone who insists they were never into you, yet spent months trying to meet you and sending flirty messages and photos your way. It's taught me to harden my heart and to stop trying to make all the effort just because I think someone else is struggling. That despite someone being unwell, it doesn't mean they know how to treat others with the respect and empathy they seek themselves.
     
    #6 Cinnamoon, Nov 23, 2022 at 4:46 PM
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2022 at 4:47 PM
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