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casual sex?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by skiff, Nov 21, 2014.

  1. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    :eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap
     
  2. Clay

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    Eh, no.

    It can be an amazing experience, but attaching supernatural qualities to something that's completely normal leads to lines of thinking that ultimately harms people.

    Sex is sex. It's normal, it's everyday. It's not mystical, it's not magical, it's not supernatural in any way. It's just a normal thing that people do.
     
  3. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    Other qualities of sex... that is the issue isn't it?

    It is the changes in brain chemistry Chip spoke of. One of those things is bonding. So if it is the right person a bond is fantastic. If it is the wrong person... Then if the bonding process is totally denied. (Bed hopping) repeatedly it could entrain a nonbonding heuristic.

    I have a boyhood friend who claims 800+ casual sex partners but never being in love, except once and that person tried to strangle him with a tshirt. This is what inspired the question.

    It is more than just sex, pleasure and orgasm. There is a balance that should be respected and varies by individual.

    It is the difference between a nightcap with friends and drunk with strangers.
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    To pile on, how about the questions - Why is sex such a complicated part of our lives to begin with, and why is there so much of ourselves tied to our sex lives? :dry:
     
  5. Black Raven

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    I don't see how sex is a complicated part of my life.
    It's certainly one of the most enjoyable parts though!

    I don't get the "tied to our sex lives" either.
    A lot of myself is tied to sex, they way I have sex and how I perceive, obviously.
    But tied to my sex life? Don't get it...
     
  6. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    Sex is natural, societal false morality (religion) make it complicated.
     
  7. OnTheHighway

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    Well, sex, sexuality, call it what you will. If it was simple, why would EC be here? Why would so many people be struggling with their sexuality, and correspondingly, sex?

    Enjoyability of sex is just one aspect of a complex sexual puzzle.

    ---------- Post added 17th Dec 2014 at 01:40 PM ----------

    its natural once you figure out what your sexuality is, I agree with that. And I agree that religion plays a part on sexual development. But is it solely morality/religion that make it complicated? I think there are many other factors that make it complicated - the environment you were raised in (which may or may not be impacted by religion, mine certainly was not religiously impacted), the impact your parents and siblings have on you individually, peoples ability to develop and mature from childhood to adult hood subject to the natural pressures of groing up, socialization, etc?

    I think it is more complicated than just religion.
     
    #127 OnTheHighway, Dec 17, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2014
  8. allnewtome

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    Like things like religion, sex means different things to different people. To some it's a mystical connection between two committed people, to others it's simply an activity, and to others it's both. We don't get to decide what it means for other people.

    As long as what you're doing, matches your words and how you feel inside you're good. Be true to yourself and your personal beliefs and don't let others shake you from that.

    My personal feelings from both as a victim and simply as a human being any comparison between casual sex and rape is far beyond absurd.
     
  9. link4816

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    Casual sex feels wonderful. STIs and STI scares do not. The two go hand and hand, especially with gay men, unfortunately. I think it is because we are more efficient during sex? Of course, you should be safe. But condoms don't really stop you from getting gonnoreah or chlamydia or herpes. I suppose if you used a condom during oral sex, but who does that, seriously? Herpes is only a problem when there are sores? That's just not true. You can interview your casual sex partner about his or her testing history, but he or she might not know the STI is there or he or she may be lying.

    These are some things I wish Somebody would have slapped me in the face and made me listen to. Then again, casual sex really does feel wonderful. Cost-benefit?
     
  10. biAnnika

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    I am in a state of deep like with this comparison! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I believe that we are spiritual beings, spirit bodies, that there is an animus in us that makes us sentient humans and not just animals. Just my opinion, so don't freak and and feel like you have to prove to me that I'm wrong, because that's my view of life and I respect that you might have a different view. And as a sentient, spirit body, sex involves so much of my total self, body, mind, spirit, even "casual sex" can be that way, that for me the terms "mystical experience" and "otherworldly" makes sense. But we do get hung up on what those terms mean to each of us, and that may be at the heart of some problem communicating that. For me, though, there is no way that an intense sexual experience can be put on the same plane as having a Big Mac (well, maybe it depends on how passionate Mac is, hehehehe)
     
  12. Fallingdown7

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    I don't believe all sex can involve bonding. It just depends on the person and their emotions. Many lesbians have experienced having vaginal intercourse with men but very few released any 'bonding hormone' because they aren't romantically attracted to men. People engage in casual oral sex because they think it won't 'bond them' to the partner like intercourse, even though it releases the same hormones that does. And even masturbation can release a bonding hormone and leave you there in tears like an emotional wreck.

    Again, It's subjective, and I find that a lot of people who argue the bonding stuff only rely on one type of sex (usually penetrative) when it doesn't biologically work that way at all. Your body and your orgasm cannot tell what kind of sex you're having when you climax, so it proves it's really all in your head.

    I mean think about it, if you've masturbated 500 times and never had sex with anyone, it still might deny the bonding hormone (as it is still released) and make you view your first time being casual anyway.

    And what is so bad about not wanting to bond or fall in love anyway? I don't even like casual sex but I never want to fall in love or have a deep bond with anybody. Sorry, but I'm not interested.
     
    #132 Fallingdown7, Dec 17, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 17, 2014
  13. stocking

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    This:thumbsup:
     
  14. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    well, truth be told, you two guys are right. and now I think I need to go somewhere and cry. you can't imagine how hard that admission hits me. sigh... :tears:
     
  15. stocking

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    (*hug*)
     
  16. Tightrope

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    For a lot of people, casual sex is what happens in between bonded relationships or if they're not good at nor want a bonded relationship. It's up to the consenting people involved. A lot of the shaming and criticism is manufactured. Sex, if done safely and without degrading and using another individual in the process, has its own therapeutic value. The issue is that so many people are mismatched when it comes to their sexual repertoires. When you land on a person with whom it causes fireworks, it can just be fireworks and not necessarily bonding. But what's wrong with that?
     
  17. stocking

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    Not a damn thing
     
  18. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Too narrow a view... look at societal false morality...

    It is societal wide programming.
     
  19. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    structural injustice, or social injustice. it definitely exists. like the air we breathe. hmmmm. I can't breathe!
     
  20. OnTheHighway

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    In the big picture, I see how you derive that conclusion. But a parent whom slaps their child for telling a white lie, whom wakes up their child up at 3am to check their math homework, whom orders them to always tuck in their shirt and stand tall, all of those things might be driven by societal standards, but it's the parent causing the development of such morality.