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can't picture myself ever being successful

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by lookingup9, May 14, 2020.

  1. lookingup9

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    This is really just a vent because I'm feeling hopeless. I genuinely can't picture myself ever being successful. I've technically been an adult for several years now (im 22). I still am in college for one more year (who knows if i'll even get to go now) and I can't envision myself being independent after that. I really want to live alone, but I don't know how I'll handle finances. And I'm so lazy when it comes to cooking, I go without eating rather than cook. I just picture myself living alone in a cheap apartment forever, eating TV dinners.

    I'm a chronic underachiever and bare-minimum doer. I have depression and anxiety and I feel like it takes everything in me just to be average. I think I'm just going to continue to self-sabotage myself for the rest of my life. The sad thing is I'm actually doing a lot better mentally than I have at some points, as in, it's a win that I'm not suicidal anymore.

    I know my existence disappoints and embarrasses my parents. I'm literally not good at anything!!! I'm a pretty nice person, and I know that's important, but that's not gonna make up for the fact that I have no skills. I have so many issues I want to just give up. It's exhausting. I don't even know how to fix my self-esteem, or work ethic, or anything. I'm a joke.
     
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  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Have you considered therapy? It might be helpful because attitude can make a big difference. For example, if you go into a job interview thinking that there’s no chance, so why bother, then you probably won’t get it.

    I’m sure you are good at something and have every chance of being successful, but you need to be able to see that for yourself. For the other things, can you take steps to improve them? Such as a cooking course.

    Plus 22 is very young, no need to worry too much about adulting yet.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, May 14, 2020
    Last edited: May 14, 2020
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  3. Ram90

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    For the longest time ( about a decade ) I thought I was completely useless, sitting at home after graduating from university, not having a proper job and not contributing to anything in my family. I was a recluse, living the life of a closeted introvert. No social interaction, no friends and almost a completely-online life. At some level, I knew it wasn't a life I wanted to lead, but it was a comfortable bubble to live in.

    Even my parents, who I lived with, gave up on me after a while, since they couldn't get me to move my bottom out of my room and out of the house. I got paid enough from my online/part-time job to pay a portion of the rent and utilities and that was fine for me. Of course, I gained weight, got into a host of issues including overeating, binge-eating, low self-esteem, self-confidence issues and not to mention a vitamin deficiency ha ha.

    But it really turned around for me when I turned 27, started to lose weight, go out for a run, join a community gym, go to social clubs and interact with people. Especially when I met some amazing people who turned out to be my friends. Trust me, when I was 22, sitting at home, living my life, I never imagined that I would get into a lifestyle I never wanted and when I was in the middle of that lifestyle, I never imagined I would ever get out. But I did.

    I'm telling you not to lose hope. You never know what lies on the other side. I'm not the best or the perfect person to tell you how to live independently or that it will be easy. Gosh! I still live at home with mom and dad! And apart from paying for rent, groceries and doing chores and running errands, a lot of the major financial decisions for my family are still my dad's responsibilities. So I can't even talk about living independently. It's in one-way a cultural thing for me. But I'm in the process of moving out and hope to be completely independent by next year, well before I turn 31. Hopefully it will happen and I hope I can tell you how amazing it is by then. :slight_smile:. Hang in there! You'll be fine!
     
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  4. bingostring

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    My brother felt useless at your age. He then did further education in his 20s and is now in a very good job and career.
    The clue may be in the word “depression” ... the key symptoms include lack of motivation, lacking purpose and fatigue.
    If you could address the depression, your life goals may become clear and appealing enough to motivate you to take steps towards some new goals.
    A therapist would be ideal to help you work out your priorities and understand your personal circumstances.
    But I do think the depression could be skewing your current thinking and so step one is to try and manage that to some extent.
     
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  5. alwaysforever

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    This is a very difficult period in time. There is a lot of uncertainty and instability in the social safety net of our society. I think that the culture here in the United States sets people up for a hard time by selling a dream that is unattainable but for a privileged few. We get a warped sense of what it means to be successful, and are expected to succeed in a system that is fundamentally unfair and rigged against the average person. There are some aspects of this situation that are not your fault.

    What other people said is good advice. Therapy can be helpful. Depression messes with executive function, making it hard to break down a task into discrete steps. Deciding what takes priority also becomes difficult. It is possible to find happiness and meaning even in a place as broken as here. Sometimes that takes a different path that expected.
     
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  6. Nightlight

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    Just want to say that I'm in a similar place. Not much in my life is going so well. I don't even know when (or if) I would be able to graduate college. If do graduate I'd be at least 26. Because of some circumstances I'm years behind from people at my age. Also I took a year off from school after my freshman year so I'm even more behind.

    Definitely go visit any therapist. A proper medication can help too. Recently I received free over-the-counter drugs (antidepressants) from college, if this doesn't help, time to visit an actual psychiatrist. So see if your school's health center gives you any mental health support.

    I find that accepting simple truths in life can be hardest sometimes, such as "There'll always be people who are better performers than you, but there'll always be people who are worse than you", "Don't have high expectations from yourself", "Focus on the moment, worry about the consequences later". It's much harder to grasp the idea when your emotions won't listen to you.
     
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  7. lookingup9

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    Thank you all! I really appreciate the replies.

    I do like going to therapy - I have a counselor at my university and I went to her last year when I was kind of in a crisis until I started doing better in November. But I had just started meetings again because I was doing worse again in February. Once my in-person classes were cancelled for the rest of the semester, she contacted me and asked if I wanted to do the meeting over zoom. I felt like it would be too awkward because I was quarantining with my parents and sister and I didn't want them to overhear me, so I just said I couldn't. So I don't know when I'll be able to see one again because of corona.

    Also I had been on a medication for a year and I don't really know if it was working or not. My university counselor actually recommended in Feb. that I increase the dosage. Then right when everything started shutting down I ran out and then just didn't go refill it. I would maybe be open to trying a different med but I'm afraid of all the side effects and again with all that's going on right now, I just don't really see the point.

    I guess the overarching theme is that the pandemic has significantly impacted my mental health in a negative way. It's hard to think about the future or see the point of doing anything. I was making some progress, but now I've regressed.