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Can't find any gay people at my university

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Joe2001, Jan 10, 2020.

  1. Joe2001

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    Happy 2020 EC.

    I started university back in September and am loving it, even if it has been a huge learning curve.

    Only problem is that I am really struggling with social anxiety so haven't really befriended anyone unlike my last year of school where I suddenly came out of my shell and had a good last few months (although haven't spoken to anyone from school since June). I currently only have one person from my uni on Facebook and whilst a nice person, he is kinda my polar opposite personality and interest wise.

    I think that one of the reasons behind this is that I am yet to find any gay people. I'm aware that I am going to stereotype a bit here, but hear me out. I tend to have a good gaydar and can identify gay people fairly easily using a variety of signs such as hairstyle, fashion sense, voice, personality, demeanour etc. I've suspected many people in the past to be gay and have often been correct (including a number of school classmates).

    None of the guys that I have interacted with at uni seem to have fit any of these signs. Not everyone is the same but everyone seems straight. Not opposed to having straight friends at all (provided that they aren't the loud football loving bro type) but I do want to meet some gay guys and have some in my circle. From my few past experiences, I seem to have a bit more natural chemistry with gay or non-masculine guys than your average straight guy.

    In addition, I would love to start dating soon. 2 years ago when I started to post here, I was an overweight and very insecure 16 year old, but now at 18, I feel much better about myself physically and am slimmer so I feel that the only thing holding me back is the anxiety and the possibly lack of opportunities that I've came across. Since I am at uni, what better time to find someone, right? :slight_smile:

    So, I guess what I'm asking is how to find other gay guys since they seem to be scarce here? Thanks for any advice.
     
    #1 Joe2001, Jan 10, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2020
  2. Destin

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    I'm glad you went to university (I told you you'd like it! Trust in Destin!)

    Now that you're 18, gay dating apps. Not necessarily for the usual sex-seeking reasons though (although not gonna lie, that was a really good way to get to know gay people fast for me). Having gay dating apps is literally like having a Facebook of all the gay people in your area. Use the filters to narrow the age range down to university age, and I 100% guarantee you that you will start recognizing people from the app in real life within a few weeks on campus by total coincidence even if you never talked to them on the app. Then you'll know for a fact who to approach in real life. Plus the people you talk to on the app can tell you where the usual gay meetup spots in your area are, since more than likely a lot of them will have way more experience with it.
     
    #2 Destin, Jan 10, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2020
  3. Really

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    Does your university have a website where all its clubs and societies are listed? I’d check there and see if you can find either some lgbt ones or activity ones that interest you. Rather than depending on your gaydar to suss out the whole student body, you could try to meet people in smaller groups so you’d have a better chance of finding out if they’re, in fact, gay. :]
    Good luck!
     
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  4. Broccoli

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    Your uni will almost-certainly have an LGBT society that runs regular social events - that would be a great place to start.
     
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  5. Dreamsexul

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    As noted above, it's almost certain your uni will have an LGBT group of some kind, maybe more than one.

    If you're in a city it's also highly likely there's a few gay clubs and pubs - Internet will help you find them.

    Also, if you're in a city, there will likely be an LGBT affirming church around, if that's your thing.

    And, again if you're in a city, there's highly likely to be a pride march, gay exhibitions and events.

    Loads of ways to meet LGBT folk in uni :slight_smile:

    Good luck!
     
    #5 Dreamsexul, Jan 11, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2020
  6. Joe2001

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    I believe that we do have a society but not sure how active it is.
     
    #6 Joe2001, Jan 11, 2020
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  7. Dreamsexul

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    #7 Dreamsexul, Jan 11, 2020
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  8. Mirko

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    Hi there! If there is a group, I would encourage you to check it out. Most uni groups have their own online presence. Have a look and I'm sure you'll find some information that would be a great starting point.

    If you would like to have some help, feel free to send me a private message and I can help you to locate some more detailed information or leads. :slight_smile:
     
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  9. bingostring

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    I would go further and say just to join as many interest groups as you can just to make your social circles wider. These do not need to be LGBT clubs or societies - just anything.. hiking, language classes, sports, walking groups .. anything
    It is very easy to be a isolated or shrink away from social things but a bit of work will reap rewards with new life-long friends you have not met yet and an active social life.
    This was advice my school geography teacher gave me and I did not take it which, with hindsight, was damaging to my enjoyment of my university years. I certainly had social anxiety and was rather withdrawn and I think he saw that.
    Seriously, social anxiety can be a blight on your happiness now and in later life and if you can nip it in the bud early all the better for you.
    Good luck!
     
    #9 bingostring, Jan 11, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
  10. CharacterStudy

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    First join your university LGBT+ club. They are usually quite active. Even if you don't hit it off with people there, it will be a gateway to other clubs and societies that are LGBT+ friendly. Also, as someone above said, aim to widen your social circle by joining sports/music etc clubs you're interested in. If you're shy it is much easier to make friends (straight and queer) when you are doing something rather than socialising over beer. Once you know people more, you'll probably feel able to go to the club social nights too. There were LGBT people in all my university societies (not too far from you I suspect!), all very open and welcoming and this was a *long* time ago.