Hello there, I am a new member and I sincerely hope this is the right place to post this. A rather long story follows, so I'll write a tl;dr summary at the end for those who have better things to do than read bloated texts. I am a 21 year old person who was biologically born male. I was never the masculine type of guy, but genetics made sure I had plenty hair all over my body and a deep voice from adolescence on (I'll return to this later). My behaviour has always been within limits of what a "normal guy" would do, but if it were up to me I would probably express my emotions more openly etc. By orientation I like girls, in my teen years I had a crush on David Bowie, but I've never really been sexually attracted to another male that I knew. I remember when I was little, I told my mom I was sad because I realised I would never know what it's like to be a girl. She thought it was cute for me to say that and we never paid much more attention to it. Fast forward a few years: memories of my primary school years seem hazy (I would think due to some sort of repression). I do know that when my voice cracked when I was 13 (due to having a teenagery hormone cocktail in my body), it seemed very wrong. I hated my new voice. I did not dare to tell anyone about it (my parents are very xenophobic about nearly everything, which I thought was normal). I kept talking in falsetto non-stop for a year and a half and I told people that I just lost my voice. I think I knew it was only a temporary fix. The summer before high school (I was 15), I convinced myself that this new voice was a part of me and I gave into it. I never told anyone about it. Last autumn, I was in a relationship with a girl (not my first one), and one time during sex something clicked in me. I cannot explain, what, but after than I never found her attractive anymore, which led to me ultimately ending the relationship. I have not been attracted to another person since. She once asked me what I imagined while I masturbated, and I told her something which rather surprised me when I heard myself say it as well: that I imagined a girl, the type of clothes she wore, her haircut and her shoes, just being there, not doing anything sexual. (One outcome of this story is that I am just really messed up in the head, which I'll explain later.) On Saturday, I went home to my parents and we fought (we do many times). I stormed out and drove back into the city where I live. On my way I happened to remember that the pride parade was due on that day, and when I got off the bus I just followed some people to where it started, and soon I was one of the people walking in the crowd through the city. And, oh boy, what a crowd -- so many cool-looking people. When I got home, I was profoundly moved. I have yet to find out what exactly was the cause, but I couldn't get rid of this feeling inside me, which I trusted because I felt strangely pressured and relieved at the same time. What went through my head was the feeling that I might be, at least partly, a girl inside. To what extent (bigender or full-on trans), I am unsure. When I looked in the mirror yesterday, I saw 'myself' and was reminded of my childhood. Today, when I woke up, I felt the same. As am I unsure about everything else. I can't help but wonder why these thoughts would suddenly pop into my head after 21 years of existence, as a guy, which (I think) I almost never had a problem with. However, this feels so real. It's the first time I've felt this close to myself in months. And yet, it seems far-fetched to think I would only think this now: was it a deeply buried secret, or just an idea I picked up on the parade and started wearing it like a piece of trendy clothing? Can these thoughts actually be genuine? I plan on waiting and watching to see what happens. Another question that arises is, why in the world would I envision a girl in my fantasy, if there is a chance I envisioned myself as what I wished to appear? How the heck is fantasising about other people and yourself connected? There it is, my story. I am sorry if anyone finds any aspect of this odd, poorly explained or, though I hope not, offensive. I hope anyone of you might find something to say, not necessarily to help, but just to talk, I haven't felt this isolated in a long time, because I don't want to tell anyone about this in real life (yet). tl;dr: I am a 21 year old biological male who has just now started to think that they might be trans or bigender, and I am wondering why I would only come to think of this so late in my life. Thanks for any opinions and answers, and sorry for the long post.