Hi I'm Jeff and new to all of this, I am 15 years old and scared of coming out as gay because of the following reasons: I am currently in high school at the moment and as seen to peers as a straight male, this may be because I do not have "a gay lisp" and I have a majority of male friends (but I do have some female friends) If I do come out I do not know how my friends will react (they might be homophobic or be weird around me) I am not used to being hated or discriminated against because I am a very friendly person and try to get along with everyone no matter their race, colour or sexual orientation, if a I do come out then I fear people will bully me I hate change, coming out as gay will change a lot of things for me in my life and in some ways I am happy the way my life is at the moment I feel that it would be to late to come out as gay because all my life my friends have seen me as straight through the school years To conclude I can't talk to my mother as she has passed away when I had just started puberty, my dad and brother don't seem to be against gay people but I don't really know. Sometimes I wish I was straight because my life would go a lot more smoothly and I get really depressed and feel lonely at times because I feel trapped that I can't talk to anyone about it, can you help me or give me some advice on what I should do please? Thanks.
Welcome, Jeff! You're in the right place. First, when/where/how and to whom to come out is a very personal decision. There's no timetable and no particular rush in most cases. Depending on what part of the country you're in, and what kind of school can have some influence on acceptance, though on the whole, teens are pretty accepting these days and most, particularly if they've known you for a while, won't see you as any different. Except for poeple in super religious environments, it's pretty rare for people to lose friends over coming out. That said... once you start telling people, *everyone* in your school will know in about 2 minutes, simply because that sort of thing is the gossipy stuff that people share. And yes, in some ways coming out will change things. However, hopefully this will be for the better, because being closeted has severe negative impact on your self esteem and sense of worthiness. That's where the depression and loneliness is coming from... so once you come out, that will start to get better. And as far as coming out too late... sure, people have a perception of who you are, but people are also incredibly forgiving about that sort of thing. Coming out at 15 is actually pretty young; many don't do so until their mid-20s or later, so you're actually ahead of the game. And after a couple of days, nobody's going to give a crap about when you came out. Please keep talking about it and sharing your concerns. And let us know if/when you decide to act on it!
I was a lot like you: open-minded, chill, mostly male friends, no obvious stereotypical signs that I was gay, afraid of people's reactions, pretty ok with my closeted life but feeling like the pressure building from keeping it in was too much. And I was 26. I didn't lose a single friend, and some of my friendships strengthened after I came out. My parents and sister were generally supportive of LGBT people in abstract before I came out, but there was still a bit of an awkward adjustment period. They are meeting up with my bf and I for a vacation next weekend, so things have obviously worked themselves out. I haven't all of a sudden started lisping or sashaying, and I'm still pretty much myself. Honestly my biggest regret was keeping it in as long as I did. I feel like I missed out on so much because I was too stuck in my own head. Obviously everyone has their own timeline, but it feels so good to be your authentic self as much as possible for as long as possible. Here to help anytime, Jeff!
