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Can someone help me

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by YeetWheat, Sep 5, 2018.

  1. YeetWheat

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    (Sorry if it graphical and stuff)Hello can someone help me understand my sexuality better I’m a guy (I think I’m straight)One day I was reading an article on something and it was about something that had to do with lgbt stuff and I remember reading it and then having an anxiety attack and in my head the same question what if I’m gay before this I had already had my sexuality basically set I wasn’t really confused until now but that is when depression hit me I couldn’t get passed this question what if I’m gay so I looked up gay porn I had never once looked up gay porn till now but when I looked it up I was really worried I was gonna get aroused but I didn’t so I felt calmer and I was able to get aroused to girls so I’d be calm for about 30 minutes then it would come back again other things I would do I to make sure I’m not gay was to think about guys sexually not once did I get aroused.school starts and life gets a lot better the thoughts start going away I meet a lot of new people and stuff but the worst part was I kept getting gay sexual thoughts that were coming into my head against my will for example my friend was looking at something on his phone then when I went over to him out of no where I got a thought to kiss him against my will and I kept worrying I don’t want to act on the thought so I covered my mouth just in case.i even worried if I had a crush on a guy every time I looked at this guy I was worried I would get scared and stuff I never wanted him sexually and romantically I didn’t care about him but every time I looked at him I worried but when my anxiety went away I never worried I knew I didn’t have a crush on the guy and I never cared again surprising I my friend came out to me about a month ago he told me he was bi sexual I told him I don’t really care but I started getting worried why didn’t I have an anxiety attack about him coming out to me and I was stuck on that thought for a little when I’d play basketball before I started questioning my sexuality all my friends would go shirtless and I never really cared but when school started up I started worrying what if I like them with their shirts off.this is my life right here all through elementary school I only thought of girls I then when I got into middle school I thought about the same gender 3 times (wondering about my sexuality)and I didn’t really like it cause it didn’t really excite me as much as girls did but in 6th grade I had a crush on a girl.for the rest of middle school never thought about guys then I had crushes on girls in 7th and 8th grade moving to my freshmen year I didn’t have a crush on a girl but I was definitely still attracted to girls and liked thinking about them then before my sophomore year that is when all this began my attraction for girls was kind of gone and any thought of a girl didn’t excite (due to the depression and anxiety)now I’m in my jr year and my anxiety is very little and so is my depression and I actually had a little crush on a girl but my feelings for her are gone now my attraction for girls is also back too.i just want to know do y’all think I’m gay or bi ?
     
  2. Nickw

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    Hey. First of all, take some deep breaths here and relax. Pretty much everybody, straight or gay or bi go through a period of life where you learn what you are attracted to. And, your mind can wander a bit as you explore the possibilities.

    This period of exploration is, completely, natural. It is not uncommon even for straight guys to do a little bit of fantasizing about other guys and maybe even get aroused by the thought of having sex with a guy.

    Chill some and just be open to how you feel and don't over think it. If you are gay or bi you will figure it out.
     
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  3. YeetWheat

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    I don’t get aroused by fantasy of guys for some reason but yet my mind tells me I liked them I only get aroused by girls but any thought of a guy actually turns me off I just wish I could stop the thoughts.how did you know your sexuality? If you do know it
     
  4. Nickw

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    Well, if you don't get aroused by guys at all, you probably aren't gay or bi. But, be careful that you aren't trying too hard NOT to be gay or bi. Sometimes we put up defense mechanisms because we can't accept being gay.

    We call this internalized homophobia.

    The important thing for you is to be yourself. Don't be afraid of any thoughts or desires. Just let them stand without evaluating it right now.

    Something is nagging at you with this, what appears to be, fear that you are gay or bisexual. Would you be unhappy if you find out you aren't straight? Just asking.

    I was about 22 when I really accepted that my attractions for men were real and not just exploring the idea. I'm bisexual. What became apparent is that I was drawn to men in a way not different than women and it took awhile to understand it.

    I tried to pray away those attractions. I should have just let them be and acknowledged they were a part of me.

    Each of us discovers our sexuality in different ways. It's OK to be whatever really feels like you. And, it's OK to allow yourself to explore your feelings. There's no harm in that.
     
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  5. YeetWheat

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    Yeah if I did find out I was bisexual I would be unhappy not because of my family to be honest I more scared of actually being gay or bi then what society will think of me I’m not scared hell if all I had to do to get these thoughts out of my head was to come out I’d do it in a heartbeat but I think I’d be lying.when someone calls me gay or something I don’t really care it doesn’t bother me it did when I had anxiety about this but now I don’t really care I even joke around with my bi friend about being gay and stuff cause we think it funny for some reason not making fun of gays or anything when I was little I was a homophobic not like “oh your gay I hate you”but more in the sense that your different but as I got older I started to understand that there’s no reason to think like that cause it’s stupid I actually feel bad for some gay people cause some end up killing themselves and this one guy came out to me as trans he(MTF) said he was getting ready to kill himself.
     
  6. Nickw

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    It sounds like you may be obsessing over this and the worry and intrusive thoughts are causing anxiety and then the anxiety makes you irrational.

    You don't have to decide anything. Try this. Instead of reacting to these intrusive thoughts and worries just let them lie.

    It seems you like to grab a thought and can't let it go. Have you talked to a therapist about this? There are some techniques they can use to help with the anxiety that is being generated.
     
  7. YeetWheat

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    Every thought that comes into my mind I feel like I have to fight against it and fighting against the thought is the only thing that brought me relief will a therapist help with my thoughts?
     
  8. Nickw

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    Well. A therapist will help you understand what these thoughts mean and if they are a function of being anxious.

    Sometimes we worry so much that the worry develops a life of its own. Pretty soon it just consumes us.

    A therapist can help you take one thought at a time a work through what they mean.

    if you are in school, there are usually counselors available. They could help get you in to see someone.
     
  9. YeetWheat

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    I wanted to talk to a counselor on this but I was afraid he was gonna think I’m gay (if I was then I wouldn’t care if he thought it but I don’t think I am)and I was thinking about going to the lgbt club for help but I didn’t really want to.for a couple of days I’ve been seeing really cute girls but then when I walk away I worry was that just a guy who looks really girly?
     
  10. silverhalo

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    Hey I think it might be helpful to get some therapy for the anxiety you are feeling. As long as your find a good therapist there is no reason they will tell you that you are gay if you are not. Do you or have you in the past had issues with you mind obsessing over something or getting really anxious about something or is this the first time?
     
  11. YeetWheat

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    This seems to be the first time I’ve obsessed about something I’ve been obsessing about my sexual orientation for about a year now
     
  12. silverhalo

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    Yeah it's hard once you have that thought in your mind to shake it off right and now the more the thought appears in your head the greater your fear that it's true and then it snowballs from there. Do you know if your school has a counsellor?
     
  13. Alonely

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    Hey,
    It’s totally natural to have thoughts like these. It doesn’t necessarily make you gay or bi. The thing is, being afraid of it makes it harder to tell if it’s nothing or if you’re gay or bi. It’s ok to be whoever you are. Straight, bi, gay, whatever.

    Therapy may be a good idea. Openly addressing your fear and trying to find its source might help you answer this question.

    Someone else came out to you. It doesn’t seem like you have anything to worry about outside yourself.

    Live honestly. It’s hard. It’s scary. But when all’s said and done, you can acknowledge yourself for who you are. And being gay or bi doesn’t mean a change in how you live. Keep going as you are. But honestly as yourself. Be that straight, gay, or bi.
     
  14. YeetWheat

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    If I did turn out bi could it be alright to just identify as bisexual but only be with girls cause I really don’t want to be with guys?
     
  15. Alonely

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    Yeah. There are a lot of bisexuals who tend one way or another.
     
  16. silverhalo

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    Of course. Identifying as bisexual does mean you have to do anything you don't want to. I think first and foremost you should just try and work on internal acceptance and then see where life takes you.
     
  17. Love4Ever

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    Of course! I actually am leaning this way right now. I just don't want to date men right now. It's fine. It may change, it may not, but you're still bi if you're attracted to both. Your dating history does not dictate your sexuality.
     
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  18. YeetWheat

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    Nah I’m not attracted to guys like that I just don’t want to be with guys like I feel like my mind is forcing me to be gay or bi even though I know that’s not what I want.i really don’t care what anyone thinks I don’t see why people are so scared of coming out if I came out my friends would stop hanging out with me probably but who cares
     
  19. Nickw

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    Hey

    From what you have written, it sounds like you are more worried that you are gay or bi than actually gay or bi. It's not that uncommon to try and understand your sexuality. But, I sense that you are obsessing about this so much you might have lost track of how you really feel.

    Take a step back and drop this questioning for awhile and just try and be open to what and who you are attracted to and don't overthink it.

    Plus, try the counseling to try and get
    A handle on these obtrusive thoughts. No counselor will label you as gay or bi because you are worried you might be. They will just help you decide this for yourself.

    It is good you are open to your sexuality. For now, this can be about exploring it. Consider it a journey in discovering who you are. You're a good guy and you are what you are...let it develop!
     
  20. YeetWheat

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    I’m planning on talking to this one consouler who probably could help me with this