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Can someone help me with getting over my ex?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JoeSchmoe, Feb 16, 2010.

  1. JoeSchmoe

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    Okay this is my first time asking for advice here so sorry if it sounds like I start to ramble at some point. I tend to do that.

    Anyway, Recently My boyfriend broke up with me. He told me that he just didn't care about me anymore and that he had actually been feeling like this for a while but just never told me. This really hurt me because I can honestly say that I truly loved him and I thought he felt the same way.

    The problem is that ever since we broke up I just cannot stop thinking about him. I try to distract myself from thinking about him but I just can't help it. I feel like I still love him. What makes it worse is that I've heard from friends that the day after we broke up he was already flirting with other guys and trying to replace me. That makes me feel like he never even cared about me to begin with if he doesn't need at least a little bit of time before looking for someone new.

    I'm just really hurt by all of this and need some advice on how to forget about him and feel better about myself and this situation.
     
  2. someguy82

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    While there may always be a twinge of feelings, you will get over it eventually. Someone else will come along, or something new will happen in your life and one day you will just be focused on something else.

    One strategy I use to speed up the process is becoming good friends with my exes because I'm never EVER physically attracted to my good friends (nothing like powerful self imposed psychological blocks to defeat anything). I don't know if that will work for you, but you never know.
     
  3. JoeSchmoe

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    I really appreciate the advice but I don't think he's interested in still remaining friends. I've tried talking to him since the breakup but he just seems annoyed with me and like he doesn't care.
     
  4. Jogilvie1103

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    ummm ... sorry dude ... Im really sorry ... my advice - stick here with us - coz we love you! - and i hope your ok soon! Sorry!!
     
  5. someguy82

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    Those situations can be especially rough, but if that's the case he's not worth your time. It's going to be hard, but trust me you'll get over it eventually. That's the thing with love you have to take the bad with the good even when it seems like bad is all there is.
     
  6. JoeSchmoe

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    You're right. I'm just sick of being hurt and I guess I don't handle breakups all that well.
     
  7. biisme

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    I think if he doesn't want to talk to you, and if he's broken up with you, that if you contact him some more you're just going to get hurt again. He must have cared about you at one point, because he started going out with you. And he said he has been feeling like this for awhile, not that he's been feeling like this for a long time. Also, he may have avoided telling you for a while because even though he wasn't romantically interested in you anymore, he still didn't want to hurt you. However, now that it has happened, and he doesn't seem interested in being friends, I don't think it's a good idea to talk to him a lot right now. He might be feeling that you're angling to get back together, even if you're not. I'm not saying you should never talk to him, but for now I think he needs some space, or he's really just not going to be pleasant when you talk to him.

    As for getting over him, it sounds cliche, but meeting new people is a good way to start to get over someone. You may still feel bad about how it ended, but if you're interested in someone new it might lessen the pain you feel. And, if you're not alone you won't have as much time to go over the whole relationship in your head. If you're with more people you simply won't have as much time to miss him.

    But, in the long run, time is what will help, and unfortunately it's not something that happens right away.
     
  8. JoeSchmoe

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    But I would rather him tell me he wasn't romantically interested in me as soon as he felt that way rather than wait a month or two. I had even told him before that If he felt something was wrong in our relationship to tell me and he didn't. I've already been in a relationship where I loved someone but they didn't love me back and to go through it a second time absolutely sucks.

    I wish I could meet someone new but around here there isn't much to choose from. Plus I can't just start a new relationship right after one ends. That probably sounds pethetic but Its just how I am.
     
  9. biisme

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    I'm not telling you to jump into a new relationship, but I'm just trying to say to try to keep an open mind. You may not find anyone that you're interested in, but you may find some new friends (who are also good for getting minds off of exes). Or, even just try and spend more time with the friends you have now.
     
  10. Filip

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    Maybe he felt his love wane, but hoped that it was just a temporary dip and that it would return again. Maybe he didn't want to risk throwing everything away over what might have just seemed like a bad week or two. And by the time he felt the love wasn't returning, it was probably too late to do anything about it anymore.
    Even if you're not romantically interested in people, hurting them isn't fun. Honesty can have the potential to hurt and putting it off until a later date is usually just the easiest solution.
    And him seemingly getting over it faster is only natural. He's been mentally dealing with this for a bit now, while it's new for you. In his mind, the breakup happened way earlier.

    But that's second-guessing his motives. And that's a dangerous thing to do, because any explanation you or I can think of might be completely wrong.

    Love is like a drug. If you go cold-turkey, there's a period of feeling more craving, not less. And unfortunately, the only way out is through.
    The one thing you shouldn't do is feed the love you have for him. Cut him off. Ask your friends not to tell you what he's doing now. Any stories about what he did or didn't do recently only pushes your mind towards thinking of him.

    And what biisme said above is absolutely true: what you need now is friends. Being alone and keeping wondering isn't good. Having friends to talk to and take your mind off it is the best way to take some distance from what happened.

    It's tough, but it will work out OK in the end! (*hug*)
     
  11. malachite

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    if there is some magical potion to help you get over rejection then share it please.

    What sucks is there no easy way to get over being dumped, but once you get over that hump you are tougher for it.

    You gotta ride it out.

    Good luck out there:thumbsup:
     
  12. Defraction

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    I am in completely the same situation! :/

    Luckily for you you've been through this before, perhaps just do what you did before? Unfortunately I don't have this... he's not my first boyfriend but he's certainly the first I loved like this, and it's absolutely killing me.

    Everyone says the same thing but I don't believe them. Regardless, there's nothing else I can really do.
     
  13. Austin

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    [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQouUilbKSE[/YOUTUBE]
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    Breakup Music <3 I'll see if I got moreeeeee.



    Oh and for advice, you could give up on love like me. Or you could do thinks that will make u not think about him you just gotta give it time you'll get over him.
     
    #13 Austin, Feb 19, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  14. JoeSchmoe

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    Okay so things have definately gotten a lot better in the past couple of days. My friends have been a HUGE part in helping me feel better. They have helped me realize that this particular relationship is really nothing to get extremely upset over and that it wasn't that great to begin with. They helped me look at my ex in a different way, the way that they saw him. I was too blinded by love I guess to realize how he really is. I realized that he is very arrogant, immature and full of himself and never really cared about spending much time with me and would much rather spend time with his friends. I also learned from one friend that he would tell lies about our relationship that were not true which Is definately a wrong thing to do.:eusa_naug Now I feel stupid for getting so upset over someone who is like that.

    Another thing that helped, and is somethting I would recommend to anyone in the same siutation, is to think about the things you have that make you happy instead of what you don't have. For example, I don't have him to make me happy anymore but I have so many other things in my life that make me happy that in the end he doesn't matter and I'll be just fine without him.

    Thanks for the help, guys. :icon_bigg