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Can someone help me to find out if I am gay or not?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Osemni12, Nov 28, 2021.

?

Am I gay?

  1. Gay

    4 vote(s)
    100.0%
  2. Bisexual

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Osemni12

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    Hello everyone. I am 29 year old man and I think I might be gay and I am so scared and confused from that. But I am not 100 per sure, so I hope with your help me to find out If I am gay or not.. Well, I was a normal boy and I liked girls, I was always kind, nice and romantic to them, but I always have been rejected and this somehow affected me and I started to wonder what it will be if I was the girl and I tried to wear girls clothes, bra and thongs (I have a sister), and then I tried to finger my ass too and even fucked my ass with objects and i liked it.. I was 15 or 16 years old back then. And after all that I started to think and fantasize about sucking cock and getting fucked by a man..

    I even s*cked cock once, it was a long time ago and the man couldnt get hard, so I scked his small and soft dick for like 10 minutes and then I felt bad and we stoped. But I liked it, I liked being on my knees in front of him.. I was 20 years old back then. After that I had other chances to meet with a man, but I always quited before the meeting, because of shame, stress and fear..

    Then I met a girl, she was my first, we fell inlove, even become engaged and lived together for 3 years. I told her all of this and we came to the conclusion that this was just a period in my life and that I am not really gay. And I can say that in the first year my desires for men and for wearing female clothes and panties wasnt there. But after that, all of these desires came back, but I didnt told her. I started chatting with men online, wearing her thongs, when she wasnt at home and etc. I never cheated on her, but one time she caught me wearing her thong... And she left me after that.

    A mounth later I saw her with another man and I was totally broken after that and damaged, but my desires for men and girly panties, clothes and etc was back even stronger than before. Again I want to wear thongs, bra, girls clothes and started to fantasize about s*cking cocks and getting f*cked. I think I still like girls, I mean I turn over to them, I like them, but it is more like in the way that I am envy of them, I want to wear their clothes, to be like them, thats why I think I may be gay.. If someone can help, please. I am serious, so I really do need your help and advice, so please help.
     
  2. BiGemini87

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    Hello, @Osemni12. I think it really depends on how you feel. Do you experience attraction/arousal when you look at men or women? Do you experience it for both, or for just one? You mentioned feeling like maybe your attraction to women is less attraction and more envy of their clothing; this could point at any number of things (maybe you just like cross-dressing, maybe it's something else), but whatever the case, all we can do is speculate. Unfortunately, no one here can tell you definitively whether you are gay, bisexual, or otherwise--but perhaps we can help you reach the right conclusion. :slight_smile:

    Is it just female clothing you like, or do you find yourself uncomfortable with your own body? If there's discomfort, is it body dysmorphia (a general self-consciousness based on your size/build/etc.) or are you experiencing unhappiness with your maleness (i.e. gender dysphoria)? I won't suggest it's either/or, because I'm not qualified to tell you what you're experiencing--but I will say that seeking out a therapist, particularly one knowledgeable about LGBT issues, might be the best way to go. Also, regarding your enjoyment of anal play--this in and of itself doesn't mean you are gay/bisexual. Quite a few straight men enjoy this as well, given that the prostate is an erogenous zone. Just something to consider.

    Otherwise, you can try to work through some of this on your own. Think back on your life leading up to now: were there any attractions you had towards other males you might have dismissed when you were younger, such as assuming you just admired them as friends/looked up to them if they were older? The rejection you went through wouldn't have caused you to be attracted to men, but it might have awakened you to the possibility.
     
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  3. Engdood1

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    Hi there. My question would be what dominates your thoughts when fantasising? Do you always think about women when masturbating or sometimes women too? Do you find pictures of naked or nearly naked men arousing? What about women? Do you have real life men in your life that you find yourself thinking about sexually? I don’t necessarily think wearing women’s clothes means too much about your sexuality, the same with butt play. Perhaps if you’re picturing yourself with a guy at the same time that is more telling though.
     
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  4. Osemni12

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    Thank you for your amazing asnwer. :slight_smile: Well, I experience attraction when I look the men private's parts. When I look at women, I do like them a lot, I get aroused, but maybe from the thought to be like them, be sexy like them and imagining all kind of stuff that I could do with a man. I don't think I am a trans tho. I mean, if I could press a buton and become woman, I would do it, but I do like my life as a man too, so I am not unhappy with my body. In reality I am pretty manly tho, so It would have been if I could be more feminine, but it is what it is, hehe. :slight_smile: As for attraction towars other males in reality from my friends, collegues and etc-honestly not so much. So its really confusing and complicated. :slight_smile:
     
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  5. Osemni12

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    Hi, thank you for your asnwer. :slight_smile: Well when fantasising my thoughts are about men mostly. About me being girly and being in the place of the girls.. And I do find pictures of naked men arousing, yeah. About naked women.., I do admire them, I do like them, but I am not sure if I am attracted to their naked bodies. I dont have real life men in my life that I am thinking about in a sexual way tho. And as for wearing women's clothes and lingerie, believe me, when I am dressed up, I start imagining my self with a guy immidiately. :slight_smile:
     
  6. BiGemini87

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    No problem, I hope it's helped some. :slight_smile: Hmm...this is rather complicated, so it's no wonder you're grappling with whether you are gay or bi. From what you've told us, though, I'm thinking gay is a real possibility. It might just be that you're going through your awakening right now, so you haven't yet been drawn to any real-life men. Or it could be that none of the men you know personally are your type. When I first came out myself, I didn't immediately picture wanting to have anything with women; I knew and had accepted that I was attracted to them, but I wasn't quite ready to see myself actually go further. It took time to reach that point--perhaps your experience is similar in this regard?

    I can't say for sure, of course. But hopefully you will gain the clarity you need with time. :slight_smile:
     
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  7. Osemni12

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    Mm, thank you again, sweet girl! It helps a lot, just from talking about it and you do put some good thoughts and advices, so thank you a lot! I am sorry for my bad english tho, hehe. So yeah, I think I am either Bi or Gay and maybe you are right that I am probably fully gay.. I mean the way how you explain about your coming out, maybe you are right. Because right now I can't picture myself kissing and hugging a man, dating a man, but I do picture myself having sex with men, maybe the other stuff will come with time. And when I was younger I had and I felt sexual desires and urges towards women too, which with time became more and more less and now I cant really tell that I have sexual desires for women..
     
  8. out2019

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    I agree, Based on what I am reading. and my own experiences accepting myself, - @Osemni12 as always only you can decide, but it sounds to me more like gay than anything, Most of your fantasizing is about men and you get aroused by naked men but you admire but are not attracted to women. You liked giving a blow job but have/had shame and fear (very common!) which adds to confusion.
    Before acceptance this is very common. Like @Osemni12 I was and am attracted to feminine things, admired women and didn't really notice men on the streets.
     
    #8 out2019, Dec 10, 2021
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2021