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Can our relationship still work after boyfriend cheated?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Luke93, Apr 13, 2020.

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  1. Luke93

    Luke93
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    Thanks for the support.

    It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I know it's the right thing to do. I just feel like my entire world is falling apart. I want him so bad but it's never going to work.

    He keeps talking about our future, marriage, kids etc. It all sounds so perfect, it's heartbreaking to have to end it.

    I just hope that I have the strength to actually end it and not let him talk his way into having another chance
     
    #21 Luke93, Jun 11, 2020
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    The best way to keep yourself on track is to just keep the mantra you deserve better in mind.

    You deserve someone who can be there and that you can trust.

    Your boyfriend simply can't do that for you right now. He's just in a place where he has his own work, which is too difficult for him to take on.

    And perhaps this will be the impetus for both of you to, individually, do the work you need. Sometimes it is by losing something that we are motivated to do the work to find what we really want. s
     
    #22 Chip, Jun 11, 2020
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2020
  3. Luke93

    Luke93
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    Yes you're totally right.

    Do you think he'll ever actually be able to change?
    I want him to be happy even if it's not with me but I don't think he'll ever try and sort his issues out without someone forcing him to do so.

    I've told him to talk to someone about the cheating but he hasn't and I don't think he will. I'm tempted to message his sister after I've ended it to explain the situation so she can try and help him but I'm not sure if that's a good idea
     
    #23 Luke93, Jun 11, 2020
  4. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Having read through the entire thread and reading your question, the answer is he will change only when he decides its time for him to deal with his unresolved self esteem/self respect issues. You won't be able to convince him, his sister wont be able to convince him, it will be at a time and place that he decides. What triggers it may be the failure of your current relationship with him, maybe its the failure of future relationships, or some other unforeseen trigger. But at this point, as others have said, its time for you to move on, close this chapter and find someone deserving of your love and care.
     
    #24 OnTheHighway, Jun 11, 2020
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  5. Chip

    Chip
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    He will only change when the discomfort of his current patterns and behavior are greater than the fear of going into the wounds that make him behave the way he does. Most likely, the pattern will continue for a while unless/until he decides it isn't working enough that he wants to put real effort in.

    I wouldn't. It's his life to live, and no one but him can do anything about it. If he believes his life is working the way it is, or even if he knows it isn't working, but is not willing to commit to change, then he won't stick with it even if he starts. When he does, it won't be a short process; painful, scary, difficult. But well worth it in the long run. And it's best he do that while he is single, as, assuming he does the hard work, he will likely emerge a fairly different person.[/quote][/QUOTE]
     
    #25 Chip, Jun 12, 2020
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2020
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