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Can I be a lesbian if I’m not sexually attracted to women?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by CanadianGirl, Oct 3, 2015.

  1. CanadianGirl

    Regular Member

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    Hi there, I've been lurking for a little while, and I guess I wanted some help trying to understand.

    I understand that sexual and romantic orientation are two separate things, but for me it's very difficult to figure out what I'm supposed to do about it. I know I'm sexually attracted to male genitalia, but only sometimes. I’m only attracted to it when I’m horny, but when that does happen I like uh, want it bad, lol. But at any other point I think it’s super gross and disgusting and I don’t want one anywhere near me. And I really do not want to ever date a guy. The thought of holding hands or kissing a guy is just like - eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! Even beards are gross to me. Thick body hair is just like, ugh, so disgusting.

    I would consider myself romantically and very aesthetically attracted to women. Like omg I could admire their appearances all day. I love the way they look, and I want to hold their hands and kiss them and hug them and snuggle and etc. But when it comes to sex I just…meh? I’ve been very envious of cislesbians for a long time now. Being a transwoman, I’m obviously very jealous of cisgirl’s bodies, and I am depressed at how easily a cislesbian could get another girl to be attracted to them. Like, it’s not fair! :’(

    Oh, the other thing is that I’m totally fine with girl’s body parts at any point in time. Like for guys I’m only interested when I’m horny, anytime else I’m like eww, get away from me. But for girls, it doesn’t matter what my mood is, I’m just like - Oh, you look pretty. :slight_smile:

    Also, I think, that I would not want to date a transman, because they would eventually probably be growing facial/body hair, would become muscly, and would kind of like, present more masculine (I’m not sure how to say it), all of which I find very unattractive. But dating a fellow transwoman I think I would be fine with. They are girls, and I’m okay with that. So ya, that makes me a lesbian right? I think? Maybe? What about the whole being attracted to male genitalia thing? I’m so confused. :frowning2:

    I try to remind myself that most of what a relationship actually is, isn’t sex, but is everyday things like doing laundry or sitting on the bus together. All of these kinds of mundane things I think would be way more fun with a girl, and I don’t want to be with a guy. But I’m very concerned because I don’t really feel sexual attraction to female genitalia, but I would consider myself to be attracted to women, and I know that sex is important to a lot of people!

    What do I do? :frowning2:
     
  2. jusataqueerhere

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    I think it might be advisable for you to consider that you might be on the asexual spectrum. Think demisexual, greyasexual, etc. This, combined with a romantic identity, can help you identify your feelings.

    I know it can be very hard to figure out what label you fall under, but just remember that human sexuality is EXTREMELY complex and a label is just, well, a label. Take your time in figuring this out, and try not to be too frustrated if you can't define your feelings at first.

    Some romantic/sexuality terms that might interest you:

    Demisexual (only attracted sexually under certain circumstances)
    Greyasexual (infrequently experiences sexual attraction or only under certain circumstances and/or has no desire to act on this attraction)
    Homoromantic (romantically attracted to those of the opposite gender)
    Libidoist Asexual (experiences sex drive but not sexual attraction)
     
  3. XenaxGabby

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    ^ Actually homoromantic means romantically attracted to the same gender and heteromantic means romantically attracted to the opposite gender.
     
  4. jusataqueerhere

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    Ah! sorry a typo! Making that change thank you :slight_smile:
     
  5. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    For what it's worth, there's zero credible evidence to support the idea of a separation between romantic and sexual orientation, and almost nobody credible among professionals believes there's a separation between the two.