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Can a parent become homophobic after being accepting for years?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by DirectionNorth, Jun 25, 2017.

  1. DirectionNorth

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    Odd question, but is it possible for a parent who, for the most part, was really good and supportive after his/her kid came out to suddenly(after years) become homophobic again?

    Again I know it sounds weird. Even though my mom took time to understand things (I guess bargaining stage- "is it because of trauma, could it be because of this or that, etc"), she wasn't a nightmare about it either, and has shown her support as well. For some time though, she has said many transphobic things (not because of me- I'm not trans, it was just because of things in the news, etc, and I'm the only person she knows in the community), and had said some not great things about bi's even. Today, she really showed she didn't like that i'm going to lgbtq-friendly doctors. She had made some comments other times about that, but it wasn't clear then what exactly she meant and I just brudhed it off.

    I'm so confused by this, why after years of support is she being like this? It'd be one thing if she was like this closer to the time I came out and was having trouble accepting it or whatever. This doesn't make any sense to me.
     
  2. DirectionNorth

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    Update- Just talked to my mom again, she says i'm phobic against straight people and only want to go to lgbt friendly doctors because I need people who only share my political views! She doesn't get that I hate when doctors assume i'm straight, don't believe me about no sexual activity until after they look, or like my last GP who went on this tirade of her hetero opinions and spouting lesbian "facts" (that statistically have been proven wrong.) And i'm a sensitive person, so since I have the resources to go to gay-friendly doctors, I don't see why I shouldn't!
     
  3. FluffyLightFox

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    Short answer : yes. It is possible.
    Why? Because theoretical isn't always practical. Even if a parent supports, in theory, LGBT+ rights, or is just not a hater and simply accepts us, that may be different when it comes to their own offspring. Parents usually assume the entire plot of their child's life (growing up, meeting someone of the opposite sex, having kids, white fence to paint, big backyard, the whole stuff), and have to deal with suddenly learning that things won't go as they expected. It creates a sort of double standard, where if they have a gay friend, it doesn't matter to them what their sexuality is,but if they child is bisexual, then it is a god-forsaken abomination. Sometimes, a situation like that emerging just reveals that a person was only supporting on the outside, and they can turn homophobic/biphobic/transphobic in general, not only about their child.
    Also, the "being phobic about straight people" is an irrational response stemming from your mother, most likely due to her homophobia (probably fed by her environment or her education). That means she will not try to challenge her beliefs, or understand your difference and the issues arising from it. Explaining things calmly to her (like why you required a lgbt-friendly doctor, or why you wanna hang out why other gay people more, etc) could help, if you can, but, even then, do not expect miracles. Eventually, she will have to work on that issue of hers and understand that she is hurting you, and others.
     
  4. Creativemind

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    It sounds like she just might be a bit ignorant, maybe she doesn't hate gay people, but doesn't understand why you would only go to LGBT specific doctors. Most straight people won't get it until an issue affects them :/
     
  5. CharacterStudy

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    How old is she, and is she acting strangely in any other ways? It may well be as those above say, but if someone's personality etc seems to change, one wonders if there is (1) another person influencing them (does she have a new romance/new friendship group?) or (2) if she's becoming a bit odd and aggressive it could be a sign of a health problem like dementia.

    However I've seen with sadness how even in the LGBT community where you'd think we all support each other, there are still things like trans and biphobia, so just because she's accepted some parts of the LGBT community and parts of your life, doesn't mean she's accepted all of them.
     
  6. DirectionNorth

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    All of those make sense, actually. It'seems just scary to admit to myself, I think, because I have dependency issues. Her attitude overall is changing, and it hurts because aggressively she'a making me more dependent on her in many ways. This is sort of off topic, but I just talked to her after I went to the phone store, she basically yelled when I told her I can get an upgrade that I only need a phone to call her and email her, that's it. And when I said I do need it for some other things, she said I've whining like a kid who just wants things and that I only need a phone to just connect with her.

    Again, I know that'a off topic a bit, but I wonder if it's a lot more mental. Damn I have my hands full of drama now, I've sorry for laying this all on here.