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Can’t face reality...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, Jan 8, 2019.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    So, I’ve been advised by a domestic abuse support agency to move out and tell my partner it’s over afterwards. My therapist is also suggesting I log things with the police.

    I just can’t believe this is happening...I’m still not convinced it’s necessary. At the moment, things are mostly ok at home...so perhaps that’s why it feels so removed from my life. I’m in this strange scenario where I’m frightened about the consequences of both acting and not acting. For the majority of the time, I just carry on, not really thinking about it, but ocassionally it just hits me. It’s a horrible feeling, which is probably why I avoid it.

    I’m just feeling stuck, I guess. Whichever way I look at things, it’s not good.
     
  2. Nic2552

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    What's going on that you need to advise the police?
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    I don’t know that I need to, this is just what’s been suggested to me.

    I think it’s based on my (male) partner getting angry quickly and that he likes to “play fight”, but he can be overly rough and doesn’t always stop when requested.
     
  4. weary

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    Take it from someone who grew up in an abusive home. It's not play fight when done in anger and your therapist is 100% right - LEAVE quietly and don't look back.
     
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  5. LostInDaydreams

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    Sorry, my reply wasn’t structured well.

    The play fighting is always delivered in “fun”, but he kicks and punches harder than I’m comfortable with. Or, he’ll try to whip me with a tea towel or something, and won’t stop when requested.
     
  6. Caraldo

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    If he's making any kind of contact or aggressive behavior that he doesn't cease when requested it is an issue. That isn't normal adult behavior.
     
    #6 Caraldo, Jan 9, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2019
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  7. LostInDaydreams

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    Thanks. Yes, I know you’re right. It’s more whether or not it warrants what I’ve been advised.

    It’d be so easy to just carry on as we are. Despite telling my mum that he wanted to walk out, my partner is now chatting about holidays and summer plans, so doesn’t seem to be in a rush to do anything.
     
    #7 LostInDaydreams, Jan 9, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2019
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  8. Nic2552

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    If thats the case i would definitely listen to your therapist, because your therapist most likely dealt with the type of situation your in. Also him abusing you can lead to real abuse.
     
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  9. Gleek99

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    Hello LostInDaydreams,

    You are in an abusive relationship and it is not your fault. You need to leave him and do what you have been advised to do because he is dangerous, whether you Want to believe it or not. This is for your safety in the present AND the future. It IS happening. I know things may seem OK between you and him now but you can't know for sure if it will get better so you have to take the risk. I know it's hard because you love him, but if he really loved you, he would NOT be beating you as much as he pleases.. or at all.
    <3
    Edit: Don't do what you think is easier or more convenient for others, this is about you and your well-being
     
    #9 Gleek99, Jan 9, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2019
  10. LostInDaydreams

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    @Gleek99 I don’t love him, it’s just hard to accept the reality of the situation. Also, I wouldn’t say that he was “beating” me, but thanks for your reply.
     
  11. Gleek99

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    My apologies for assuming
     
  12. LostInDaydreams

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    Oh, no worries. I just don’t want anyone getting the impression that things are worse than they really are.
     
  13. silverhalo

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    Abuse doesn't have to take the form of huge punches or beatings. It can be much more subtle or vocal or emotional. It doesn't make it any less abuse.
    I think you don't see it as as bad as it is because you have lived with it for a while and so have become desensitised to it.
    The fact that sometimes things are ok doesn't excuse the times that they are not.
     
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  14. LostInDaydreams

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    Yes. I know.
     
  15. LaneyM

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    I agree that it's time to get out. Things might escalate if you stay with him, or they might not, why wait around to find out? You're worth more than that. He's already crossing boundaries and making you uncomfortable, at very least. I hope you are doing ok!
     
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  16. LostInDaydreams

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    Hey @LaneyM,

    Yes, mostly ok at the moment, thanks. Spoke with my therapist today and she said much the same thing, start taking concrete steps.

    Hope you’re doing ok too.

    @silverhalo :slight_smile:

    Yes, my therapist says I normalise his behaviour.
     
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  17. silverhalo

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    I guess it is normal to you.
     
  18. LostInDaydreams

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    Unfortunately, yes.

    Anyway, I need to make a plan!
     
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  19. silverhalo

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    Indeed. Sounds like a great start.
     
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  20. Nic2552

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    Just know we are here for you as well.
     
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