Edit: Not sure if this belonged in coming out advice or stories... My wife and I have been together for four years, married for two. I had come out as bi years before i met her, and I told her upfront about that. She didnt have a problem with it. Long story short, I finally came to terms with what I am only a few days ago. My wife and I had a lot of problems over the years, but we always overcame everything, and it made us extremely loving and close. When I told her I am gay, she screamed at me. How could I do this to her? How could I not have known I was gay? Then it turned into her examining every detail of our relationship, asking me questions about it. Did I lie every time i told her she was pretty? Was I ever attracted to her? How could I have sex with her if Im not sexually attracted to her? All while crying and screaming, and throwing things at me. A teddy bear I gave her when we were dating. It being so close to Valentine's day, she threw the gifts she had already bought at me. Of course, she had worked hard to get me the sweetest gift I would have ever gotten...a book of love coupons, custom made with cartoon pictures of us, and full of cute stuff from our relationship. I was already falling apart by that point, but seeing that, and hearing her read each of them out loud, killed me. I know I will remember those coupons, and the devastating guilt they caused, for the rest of my life. I ended up with a packed suitcase, at my mom's house, after my wife told me she still wants to stay married to me. She wants me to stay married to her, and either be celibate, or find a way to enjoy sex with her. I told her I needed time to think and figure out what I wanted to do. I was less than 20 mins into my 3 hour drive to my mom's when I knew it could never work, although I still cant fully admit it to myself. Im fresh off an hour long phone call, where I told her the truth...that I dont see any way that I can make her happy, without making myself unhappy. She said "I dont make you happy?" She doesnt understand, and I have tried as hard as I can to explain everything to her. She spent the entire call saying the worst things she could ever say to me. I dont mean insults, I can deal with that, she just kept verbally whipping me for ruining her life and being selfish. That hurts so much because its exactly what Ive been saying to beat myself up over this, and Ive been beating myself up almost non-stop. Its really hard to convince myself that Im doing the right thing, when Im hurting her so badly, and we both think the same horrible things about me. Its making me really hate the fact that Im gay. I dont want to be like this. I thought i was bi all this time, but I was really just contributing to the stereotype of the gay man who just hasnt realized it yet. (Sorry, those of you who are actually bi). Coming out sucks, but having to do it twice in my life, and the second time Im destroying a marriage and the life that was built along with it. Any advice anyone has...Im all ears. My mom and stepfather are the only other people who know Im gay, and they could not possibly be any more supportive and kind. However, I feel like I need to interact with other people who have been through this. I need to feel like Im not the biggest POS in the world, and that being gay will eventually not be such a hellish nightmare.