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Came out to conservative parents!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Guff, Oct 24, 2016.

  1. Guff

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    Hello whoever you are that bothered to read this.
    So yesterday (Sunday) I was in a mental health hospital for the 2nd time this month for clinical depression and suicidal intent... LOL
    So obviously I decided my life had to change, on Sundays we got visitors and I knew today (Monday) the social workers/doctors had planned a "family therapy session" for today between my parents and I.
    Knowing tomorrow I could talk to them tomorrow with none-judgemental adults who were on my side I told them I was gay, with less than 5 minutes left in their visitation time! LOL I gave about a 30 minute speech about how I loved them, I'm sorry I tried to kill me, I'm sorry I suck at basketball and a bunch of other crap LOL Than ended it with a by the way, I'm gay.
    They were somewhat already expecting that... But there was still shock.

    Today at the family therapy session my parents agreed we'll just disagree on certain religious views but they'll still love me and treat me the exact same! I thought maybe they were lying just because there was like social workers in there LOL
    But on the car drive home (I got released from the hospital directly after the session) I straight up asked them if that was for real or for show. They said they loved me and seen how sad it has made me in life to be unaccepted so they're not going to like it but they're seriously just going to live with it and love me anyway ane respect my views. And agreed not to tell anybody so I could decide for myself when/who I wanna come out to.

    My mom said she might even go over AIDS protection with me... Which is probably the last thing on earth I wanna talk about with my mother LOL But it shows me they're even going to help me anyway that they can! I'm not thrilled with what I had to go through to get a good reaction from them, but honestly I can almost feel my depression petering out!
     
  2. mangotree

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    Hey Guff,
    You're right, it is pretty sad that it took such a drastic situation in order to get a good reaction out of them, but at least now you can look forward.
    Keep us up to date with how things progress.

    Congratulations by the way for successfully coming out and surviving.
     
    #2 mangotree, Oct 24, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2016
  3. Quantumreality

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    Guff, I'm so THRILLED about how this worked out for you!:thumbsup: Didn't I tell you that you might be surprised about how their unconditional love for you might overcome their religious and social prejudices?

    Just remember that you've had your whole life to come to terms with your sexuality, so you have to let what you told them sink in. But stand your ground and allow yourself to truly BE yourself and grow from this. Your mental health will be better as a result, as well.

    Take Care, my friend!(!)
     
  4. I'm gay

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    Guff,

    I've been following your story ever since I joined EC in June. I have cried reading your threads and seeing how everyone was helping you. I didn't post in those threads because I honestly didn't know how to help you, and it looked like others were doing a good job of it. But just because I haven't posted to you, doesn't mean that your coming out journey hasn't affected me in such profound ways.

    I am so relieved that you finally were able to come out to your parents, and their reaction could have been so much worse. I think in time your parents will likely change their views. You may not think so now, but give it a few years as you grow and mature into the gay man you are destined to become, and I think you'll see a change in them. But whether they do or not, they showed you that you are still loved, gay or straight.

    Thanks Guff for sharing your journey with all of us, and please continue to let us know what's happening in your life. I am one of thousands who have read your story, and we care about you - even if you didn't know it.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  5. faustian1

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    Oh Guff, I'm happily "bothered" to read your post. I'm another person who has followed your story, and in the process realized how narrowly I at one time escaped the things that have happened to you.

    I am so pleased that the elephant in the room now is out in the open and perhaps tension can diminish in your home life at least a little bit. Of course, I suppose the road will be bumpy, but at the moment you have good mediators in the group of professionals helping you who can facilitate constructive discussion.

    It's obvious this still is a tough time for you, but you should be proud of yourself for the progress you have made. You are becoming strong and overcoming challenges that have been very difficult. The fact that your story has so deeply touched so many of the other people here should reassure you that we all have something in common, and that many people care about you.
     
  6. ABeautifulMind

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    Congratulations Guff...

    I am going to be honest... I read this thread, called my dad into my room, watched the talking dead episode we missed, and told him I am bisexual... And it went well. But im not hijacking your thread :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Your thread kinda inspired that though, so thanks :wink:

    I am really happy to hear about your parents genuinely accepting and loving you... I cant tell you how happy that makes me... I look forward to your future threads and posts, I cant wait to see how much better you feel. Now that you are out you can even specifically request an LGBT therapist/specialist without it causing problems...

    I have to go because I still have to do my workout for the day, but congrats on coming out to everyone, and welcome to the first day of you true pursuit of happiness, keep us posted :slight_smile:
     
  7. PatrickUK

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    Pleased to read your news Guff and it's good that your parents intend to set aside their personal views in order to offer support. It will be difficult for them though, so I'm just wondering if the family therapy will continue beyond your discharge from hospital? If you (and your parents) have non-judgemental experts to facilitate the healing process, you will do so much better as a family.

    If your parents are struggling, you should point them to PFLAG - www.pflag.org
     
  8. Barbatus

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    Guff,

    I'm so so so pleased for you. You have no idea how much I have worried about you getting through the next year but you did the best thing you could have done and your parents have proven themselves to be deeply caring and loving people.

    That's not to say that it is going to be easy but they have acknowledged a major source of potential problems (their religious views) and accepted that they should not impose them on others (even you). Everything you have gone through has shown them how important this is to your well-being. Like the others have said you are going to remain courageous and be ready to point out when they are relying on misconceptions and so on but you've achieved a major step in living your life and your parents have reacted as positively as you could have hoped.

    I don't think I've ever spoken to my parents about HIV and AIDS and I would be mortified if they brought it up but like you say your Mum is trying to look out for you. PatrickUK's suggestion of PFLAG is a good one.

    Again really pleased and very happy for you. Please keep us updated if you like and we are all still here to help however you need. But you've done so fantastically well. All the best. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Totesgaybrah

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    I'm another person who read your previous threads but did not give advice because other people were already doing a great job, I also don't have any experience going through what you have.

    I'm so happy that you were able to come out and that your parents are at least accepting and they love you, I also think that they will change their views after some time. I hope your depression goes away and stays away, please keep us up to date and let us know if you are having more problems.

    Congratulations!
     
  10. TheMatthew

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    Congratulations! I'm so happy your parents accepted you, and I'm so proud that you were brave enough to come out to them. Please keep us updated; I hope this really starts to make you feel better. Once again, congratulations! I'm so happy for you.
     
  11. Guff

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    So today was my very first full-day back home with my family knowing I am gay.
    And shockingly my parents have treated me literally the exact same. Which is absolutely all I could ever hope for LOL
    I only got 2 minor complaints 1 being they promised to tell NOBODY yet the supposedly asked my brother (Who I guess I was out to anyhow) if he knew I was gay. LOL.... So much for privacy, though it should just be him...
    And the 2nd they said on Sunday they have some "things they'd like to say" though they're yet to be said and I hate having crap hanging over my head... Besides those mini stresses its been crazy normal, not just in a sense they aren't throwing religion at me, they aren't even stalking me like they did last time I was discharged from the hospital or actively doing "skin checks" to see if I've been self harming.

    I still am freaking out over a lot but my feelings of suicide and self harm are slowly but surely surpassing. I'm going to continue therapy and I'm hopeful I can get my parents to join me in some sessions.

    Thank you to the people who have continued to read and reply to my posts.. I mean like seriously when you feel like everyone hates you in life, having a few people online who are willing to chat meant a lot.
     
  12. PatrickUK

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    If you can get your parents to join you in therapy, especially any sessions connected to your sexuality, it will be useful.

    I am pleased the heavy weight has lifted. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Barbatus

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    Hi Guff,

    I'm glad your parents are not treating you differently. Remember what ABeautifulMind said about them trying not to aggravate things. It's a much better outcome than you thought.

    The only thing to make sure you do it when they speak to you about being gay, hold your ground and make it clear that this is something essential to who you are and that it not a phase or something that you can change. If they say something like, have you thought about being celibate or something similar then just be clear that you are going try and be happy in life and that means with another man. That's just an example, you've proven that you are strong enough to move things forward and while your parents (and you) adjust to things you just have to stand your ground.

    Keep going to therapy but now that your parents know hopefully you will find it easier to deal with everything else. Wishing you all the best. :slight_smile: