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Came out and now I feel anxious/depressed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Daviet123, May 13, 2020.

  1. Daviet123

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    Hi everyone, hope you’re all well.

    I don’t usually use forums but I’ve found snippets of stuff that made me feel a little better on here today and thought maybe my situation could help others in the future too if I shared.

    I finally managed to come out to my family, friends and my social media following (so basically everyone I know) over the past weekend. I’ve lived for so long in denial, going from straight to curious to bi to finally admitting to myself that I’m gay, over the course of roughly 10/15 years (I’m 28.) I’m fairly masculine, not very, but enough that quite a few people were shocked.

    My immediate feelings were a huge adrenaline rush as I ticked off each of my checklist of parents>grandparents>rest of family>Instagram - each time feeling little more liberated and relieved. Not one bad word has been said and I’ve had hundreds of messages, comments and likes on my post from people I haven’t even spoken to in over a decade, so it could not have gone better and I couldn’t have more support.

    Now here’s my issue. I’ve surprisingly been feeling very anxious and slightly depressed the past few days. It feels as though my mind is trying to cling on to the usual thoughts of denial or suppressing feelings of being homosexual like it has been doing since I was a teenager. I don’t feel peace, relief or freedom as one might expect. Is this just an adjustment phase? I wasn’t expecting this at all and a time which I thought would be full of elation and relief is being shadowed by a rain cloud that I can’t seem to shift at the moment. I feel exposed, desperate for reassurance (even though I had so much) and very confused/weirdly in denial about it, after thinking I’d turned a corner last week and finally managed to accept my sexuality. If anyone else has been through this I would be so grateful to hear as I feel very unsettled and strangely quite isolated.

    Thanks a lot
    David
     
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  2. rktonks

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    I feel you. I am slowly coming out. I thought that coming out was going to make me feel better and free er, but really I am stressed and my depression is not lifting. It's nice to know for me that other people feel this way because I was freaking out and questioning how validating my feelings and. I was afraid I was wrong and now I was realizing it. But I know Im not deep down. I am just getting stressed over the littlest things the people I tell are doing, like going on a family hike suddenly the day we were gonna have a sleepover. I am panicing. But I think we just have to breath, and breath and breath and try and push through it. Anyways, thats me, so yeah...
     
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  3. quebec

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    Daviet123.....Hello and a great big welcome to Empty Closets! I really think that you should consider finding a therapist that lists working with the LGBTQ Community and/or is gay themself. They could help you work through this time in your acceptance of yourself as a gay man who is out. I know of a couple of friends that went through something similar to what you are describing. They both discovered (after speaking with a therapist) that their feelings were due to the realization that they had made themselves very vulnerable to the world. They came to understand that even though they hated keeping the secret of being gay, that at the same time, as long as no one else knew they were gay, they felt safe with their "terrible" secret hidden from the world. A therapist has made a tremendous difference in my life. My issues were different that yours, but his help really did allow me to finally accept that I am and always have been gay. Please consider talking to a therapist!! Also...please keep in touch with us here on EC. You are part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  4. Rin311

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    Coming out doesn’t always work the way it’s often written about.
    I think you might have gotten a bit scared by your own actions, in the “oh shit what did I just do” way. You just shared something very big and personal about yourself with the whole world, every single person you know - it’s okay to be a bit overwhelmed, especially if not much time passed between reaching a point of self-acceptance and coming out.

    Accepting your own sexuality and coming out are not the same, and each require self-work of some kind. Maybe you needed to wait a bit longer, to solidify your own self-acceptance, before telling others. Maybe not. In any case, it’s done - and now you need to take care of yourself and figure out where to go from here. They all know, no more hiding - what does this mean to you? What role would this play in your life and in your interactions with your family? How do you see your life in the future?
    You don’t have to have all the answers now. These are just things to think about. Take a deep breath, surround yourself with people close to you, rest, and try to get past this. Take care.
     
  5. MPC

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    That is my biggest fear, why I don't know if its worth it to come out, but I think I may need too, for me. That said, some part of me thinks, that even though all the progress made over the years, some people are just not ready to accept that some people are different, not that it should bother them in any shape or form. And thats just how it is.
     
  6. bingostring

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    There’s possibly a residual part of you that is clinging on to being In the comfort of the closet and he’s panicking that the closet is disappearing around him.
    Kick him in the teeth I say and tell him this is the way it’s going to be.
    Focus on the positive steps you have taken and enjoy the fact that you can now plan a more positive future for yourself.
     
  7. Bisurprise

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    I feel like that, too. I just thought it was because I was raised to be closeted about sexuality in general, even if I was straight. It makes me feel a bit better that it's a normal thing, especially when we didn't fully accept it before we came out.