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Brother in law bugging me about girlfriends

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by CurdledMilk, May 20, 2017.

  1. CurdledMilk

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    I often speak to my brother in law, who obviously has no clue that I'm 100% gay. The problem with this is that he keeps bugging me about getting a girlfriend and suggesting people to me, when I could not give a single f*** about getting one since I have no attraction to women at all, plus I have a boyfriend online anyway. I would never get with a woman to cover up because I could never bring myself to do that to a person, pretend to love them when I don't.

    How on earth do I say "I don't want a girlfriend" without coming across as gay? I don't feel ready to come out yet as I still live at home (No chance of being kicked out, huge chance of it becoming awkward as hell though) plus I'm socially awkward anyway so I'm not the kind of person to come out to people like this (I guess this comes with being an engineer).

    Heelllllp!
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey CurdledMilk,

    That can be really annoying. Unfortunately, I don't think you can get him to stop this behavior without being at least somewhat confrontational.

    You could perhaps tell him something like "You know, I find it REALLY annoying when other people try to insert themselves in my personal life without being asked. Right now I'm really focused on my work/studies, but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my romantic life when I'm ready."

    And, being somewhat more confrontational, you could add something like: "I'm not your pet project, so why don't you focus on the important things in your own life - like my sister..."

    Of course, if you wanted to really get confrontational/mean, you might speculate that "you know, I'm starting to wonder if you aren't just shopping around on my sister and using me as an excuse to do the shopping..."

    I guess where I'm going with all of this is to suggest that you focus on telling him that what he is doing is annoying you and push him to stop it. You don't have to tell him that the reason is that you're gay and will never date any of the girls he's trying to set you up with.

    I dunno. Just some thoughts...
     
  3. gravechild

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    Could you tell him "I'm already seeing someone" without it going any further?
     
  4. CurdledMilk

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    Nah, I don't want to seem mean or rude to him as he's always been nice to me, like having a laugh, taking me to the rugby at wembley, getting me pints of beer and generally having my back when shit does go down
     
  5. SomeUsername

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    You could just tell him you're too busy or not ready for a relationship. Or as gravechild suggested, you could tell him you're already seeing someone- if he asks too many questions about it maybe you could describe your boyfriend in gender-neutral terms.