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Breaking up with boyfriend after realizing I'm a lesbian?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by basicavocados, Feb 27, 2017.

  1. basicavocados

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    I've been dating my boyfriend for over seven months now and we started dating when I still thought I was bisexual, but since I've realized I'm gay and am now starting to accept it and come out to my family I know that I need to break up with him.
    However, he is very important to me and I really like him as a friend, but he's made it very clear that if we break up he doesn't want to ever be friends or really talk again.
    I'm terrified to break up with him and my mom has been less than supportive and helpful.
    My boyfriend knows that something is wrong because I've been acting a lot different with him than I used to, and the few people I've talked to about it just keep telling me that I need to break up with him, but I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that I need to lose him in order to be happy in the end.
    Does anyone have any advice for how to gear myself up for this and soon?
     
  2. Poppy43

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    Just tell him and let him go, you will have loads of opportunities to meet new people and so will he. Set him free now and get out with your friends.
     
  3. Zen fix

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    Don't get hung up on being friends after you break up. Nobody is obligated to be friends after a breakup. That said even without you being lesbian this guy needs to be shown the door. If he doesn't value your friendship then how can he value you as a girlfriend?
    My advice is to end it quickly and cleanly.
    "I'm sorry but I'm breaking up with you." Done. You don't even have to give an explanation but here's what you can say when he asks why.
    "I'm gay." that's it. He may piss and moan. That's fine. He's seventeen right? I wouldn't expect a very mature response. I just would avoid getting sucked in to a big dramatic conversation about it.
     
  4. erimas

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    Hello! I was actually in a similar situation a while back! I was a dating the guy for about four months when I realized I was not attracted to men. Long story short, I ended up staying in that relationship for two more months before breaking it off and I was absolutely miserable the entire time. I know that it's hard to do, but trust me, the sooner you end it with him the better.
    Also, to address your issue about not staying friends with him, when I broke up with my ex he didn't talk to me for three months after the breakup. I eventually realised that I didn't need that kind of person in my life as much as I wanted to still be friends with him.
    Good luck!
     
  5. mlansing

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    I wouldn't worry about not being friends afterwards. There's naturally going to need to be some space between two people after a breakup, and if you guys truly can just be friends without any lingering romantic baggage then you will both discover that and be at peace with it down the road.

    No one can tell you what to do regarding whether or not you should actually end things with him. In my opinion, though, if you are certain that you are a lesbian, then the sensible thing to do is end it sooner rather than later so that you can both move on with your lives.
     
  6. Margaret

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    I've been there, and it was really hard, it took me months to build up the courage and actually do it. When I did break things off I said it was because we just didn't get along, he wanted kids now I wasn't sure ect. I don't recommend doing that. Years later guilt drove me to tell him the real reason for the break up. Your best bet is just to be brave and honest about why you want to break up. Good luck.