there are many secrets I feel the inherent need to take to the grave, but recently, like it has in the past, my secrets are eating me alive. I cant keep lying to people, but I can't tell them anything. there is one person I trust to safeguard my secrets, someone my family has never met in person or online. just to be safe I permanently deleted any mainstream social media accounts I own. I know coming out to one person might not be enough, but if it means I have one person I can truly be myself and honest around, then its worth it. I'm just... so tired of all the lying. it has to stop.
Ghost014, hey man, listen i know its not easy, and trust me i know, i have to lie to everyone about who i am and what makes me happy daily, but being open to someone who accepts you is the best feeling in the world. Just make sure that you dont put so much pressure on someone, that it ends up hurting them and in tern you. But that being said, being your self is the best gift you can ever give yourself. I know when i game i use female characters with my name, and it helps me by being in a world that i can be me and no one knows different, no one judges and no one will ever stop me from being me. So find a safe space/person and do you. Give yourself the gift of time and have me days where you can just be who your truly are. anyway Jessie out.
What's going on that has you believing you'll never be able to come out publicly? And as for the other secrets... generally they are pretty toxic, and generally, they can be shared in the right circumstances. It's all about perception and usually the perception we have isn't accurate.
Chip, mostly its my family, every time I let them in in the past things ended up getting physical to the point where one of us would bleed usually me, not very strong. as for not being publicly open.. well, one of my close friends went that route, when he did I was so proud of him. went dark for about a month and a half. his mother responded through his phone to my constant texts... turns out there were some people who didn't take too kindly to him coming out. they beat him into a coma with a crow bar... he never woke up. that was almost 2 years ago. I think its safe to say I have plenty of reason not to go public with this.
Wow. That struck me right in my heart. People can be so cruel sometimes, this isn’t new to me - but this is just sick. I really understand your situation, I also come from a place where if I say I’m gay then some people I know won’t take it very kindly. To some people I came out, to some I guess I never will. I guess the thing that helps me the most is the fact that inside my head I know who am I and I choose who to be with, so their opinion bothers me much less.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and the terrible things he went through. That makes total sense why you would hesitate to come out. I'm not out, and I'm still questioning, so I'm not sure that I have any advice in that area. But I will say, as an adult who has moved an hour away from my parents, I finally had the nerve to tell them that I'm not a christian anymore. So hopefully there will come a day when you are independent and safe enough to not have to keep all your secrets secret unless you want to.
I concur with Harleigh. It's incredibly difficult to see a way through when you are in an environment such as you describe. Are you taking steps to be able to get yourself out of that environment, perhaps out of that part of the country, to a more accepting area? There are lots of places in MA that are pretty open and accepting, and it should be possible, with some planning, to get yourself out of where you are and into a place where you can be yourself.
I'm already looking at potential properties in warren, sutton, and rutland, nothing too expensive though, I honestly dont care if its a trailer or a shack. but those areas, from the time i visited them seem very accepting of people no matter how different. aside from that they are relatively quiet, peaceful places mostly surrounded by nature, I figure some time away from the noise would do my sanity good. now the only issue is saving up enough to make a decent down payment for whichever property I end up sticking with. that may take a while
well i really do hope you come right and are able to yourself into an environment that helps you grow not breaks you down
I know how you feel... I am married, have been for 19 years. I had plenty of experiences with other men prior to meeting my wife and ashamedly since... i wish i had told her in the very beginning of my bisexual side but i feel too much time has passed... i don't think she would understand and support me and fear it would end our marrage... with 2 kids, this is more heartache than i am prepared to risk. For now, i will remain a closeted bi, i battle with the need to meet other men daily and know i am not a good husband
