Brain cure vs. Body cure?

Kasey · Feb 7, 2014

Miss Emma said: ↑

You know, I was thinking. I HAVE tried the "cure the brain (or mind)" route. It doesn't work!! Long before I was aware that transgender was a thing at all, let alone a real thing people experience, I had very feminine attitudes and interests. At about the tender age of 6 (maybe 7), my parents decided that enough was enough.
Myfather began to inform me of his biggest fear for me; that I'd turn out to be a "faggot." My mother was less harsh, but still, she'd tell med that I was just trying to be different. That I needed to do ____ and ____. Then if fit in with the "other" boys. So, as children do, I set out to do things to please my parents. I tried to get interested in sports, rough-and-tumble, etc. to learn to "man up."

By junior high, I had convinced myself that I could be a football player. I tried it. Hated it, but proceeded to tell myself I liked it. Same with wrestling. I just wanted to make my parents approve.

High school came, and i still did it. But then I put my own thing in there: speech and drama. I was good, and was inducted into the international thespian society. But, my father still worried I'd be a "faggot." (btw ... I'm only using his words. Obviously I don't drop "f-bombs."). So,I decided I'd go into the army after high school. Naturally, I didn't want to be there, and was relieved when I got medically discharged. But that didn't stop the masculinity attempts.

Clear up until about 6 months ago, I tried. I was in therapy for bipolar disorder when, as therapy does, i was caused to look at my childhood. It was then that I caught the terrifying truth; I am transgendered. Not that it stopped there; I tried bargaining with myself that maybe I could be androgynous, or non binary, and be happy in that role. But the more I tested that theory and called myself a demigirl, our femme androgyne, or GQ, the more I realized that it didn't fit. I'm very definitely binary (not that non binary is any less valid, let me clear that up now), and I am definitely trans female!

I know that was very long-winded. But that is how strongly I feel about this "brain cure vs body cure" debate. Body cure seems the only way to go. Brain or mind cure WILL lead to the death of the self.

Thank you.
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Kind of sad that parents want their children to be what they want them to be instead of letting the children be what THEY want to be.

I was enrolled in baseball and all that other junk. I didn't hate it out of a boy girl thing but that it was boring as hell and I always rode the bench because I sucked.

I did however in high school start want to express different clothing choices and such but being a school with a dress code I couldn't.

In college I had more freedom but that point sort of I was terrified that I didn't want to be gay. But as time went on I just felt like I had some more feminine interests like hello kitty or wanting to cross play or even try to pass in public (I've done that once or twice excluding parties).

The point is it took me a while to be comfortable with myself. I hear what you are saying.

I'm happy being male. Would I rather have been born female? Probably but I don't hate myself when I look in the mirror. I know I'm babbling but I'll reiterate these:

1.) Parents usually force kids into a mold. Sometimes it's just to expose them to a wide variety of things but that doesn't always mean it's for noble purposes. I'm sorry your parents and so many others were so oppressive. My parents aren't too bad but I try to correct my mom when she says "that's so gay". My dad doesn't do that and if I ever told him about some of my desires (Which I don't need to) he might be accepting.

2.) Self discovery takes a long time. True happiness is a journey. It's too bad now everyone assists on the journey.

Hang in there.

Miss Emma · Feb 7, 2014

I knew you'd have some encouraging words. Thanks. Btw ... Sorry if that seems like a pity party. It just got me thinking, and a little worked up.

Kasey · Feb 7, 2014

No pity parties. That just brings you down.

However you are seeking empathy which is always good and we are here for you.

Miss Emma · Feb 7, 2014

Just got out of therapy. She says that, while I do need to account for my Wife's feelings, I also have to take care of mine. I have to feel mine and not disregard them. Same as you're just saying. Thanks, brother!

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