Hey there, so me and my boyfriend (both afab) are in a relationship for almost two years now and a week ago my boyfriend came out as asexual to me. That really bummed me, because until then we regularly had sex (and he often told me that he was enjoying it) and now he said that he doesn't want to have sex anymore. I definitely respect his identity and I definitely don't want to talk him into having sex, although I am a quite sexual person. He says that he becomes very dysphoric when we have sex, which is completely understandable, and that he doesn't like to be touched in a sexual way. He is pre-everything, so he said that might change when he starts T (which he will hopefully do next year). So now I wanted to ask you for some advice: Has anyone found a way to fullfill the sexual needs of the sexual partner but to not let the asexual partner feel bad? Is there any way I can be intimate with him but not triggering his dysphoria? I know that everyone is different and yes I talked to him about it, but I just would like to hear maybe ideas from other people with similar experiences. The second question is: Has any person who started T made the same experience? Have things changed after you startet T? Has top surgery helped with intimate activities? Any tips you can give me? I'm really insecure about this topic and I have been thinking about this a lot, since I can't imagine having no sex for the rest of my life, even though I really do love him and want to stay with him.
