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Bottom/top re masculinity/feminity

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by LiquidSwords, May 25, 2014.

  1. LiquidSwords

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    I'm curious to know whether people think there is a link between a guys 'masculinity' and whether they like to top or bottom.

    I know porn often doesn't really give a good indication on things like this, but most often in porn you see the more masculine of the two being top with the more feminine guy as the bottom.

    For some reason it almost seems daft to me see a bigger guy being topped by a smaller guy, since bottom is the 'submissive' role. At the same time that's maybe a messed up way to look at it? I dunno, I'm a bigish guy and I'd prefer to bottom, so I'd like people to tell me it is tbh.

    I think I'd find it slightly odd to be top with a guy who's at all bigger or more masculine than me, so when I think of guys I like who are smaller than me I find it hard to imagine that they'd want to top with me, which is what I'd prefer :confused:

    So, basically, would people prefer not to top with someone bigger or more masculine than them, or is that not a thing/ only me?
     
  2. Chip

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    I know plenty of extremely masculine, muscular, well-built guys that are bottoms... and plenty of swishy, fem, non-masculine guys who are tops. There's no correlation I know of.

    Now... even in the gay community, people make fun of bottoms in a good-natured way because we do tend to think of bottoming as demasculinizing, but from what I know, there's no truth to the stereotypes associating masculinity with topping (or, for that matter, bottoming)
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    There is a false perception that the bottom guy is taking on the more feminine role and I think gay porn does a lot to promote the idea that sex is some sort of power game. It's bull!

    Some gay men have a preference for topping, some for bottoming and a good many are versatile and enjoy both roles. I honestly don't think it's about masculinity or femininity, it's just about good, enjoyable sex and finding what's right for you.

    It's never bothered me being the top with a bigger or more masculine guy. Like I said, I don't see sex as a power game. It's about having a good time.
     
  4. Brandiac

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    I would want to be on both sides, and I am very emotional and sensitive (oh and tall too). So...?
     
  5. OGS

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    I don't think there's really a correlation in my experience.
     
  6. the prince

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    I prefer topping to bottoming although I am very feminine :confused::eusa_doh:.

    I wanted to ask this before but thanks to Chip I don't feel like a weirdo anymore :grin:.
     
  7. QueerTransEnby

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    I am very masculine(played sports in the past etc.), and I bottomed. My partner in high school was on the feminine side, and he was a top. I am just saying that if were walking in public separately, most people would say he is the stereotypical gay guy over me and ding the gaydar.
     
  8. awesomeness

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    I definitely think there's a link most of the time, but there are always exceptions.

    I personally wouldn't let a feminine guy top me. But I wouldn't mind topping a more masculine guy myself.
     
  9. Pret Allez

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    The last dude I was with who penetrated me was more feminine than I am. :eek:

    Men who like receptive anal intercourse are not always treated with respect, and I find that extremely worrying. The men who like penetrating should be grateful that there are male-bodied people around who like receiving. They shouldn't be making fun of us, even if they think it's poking fun or whatever. It's unkind, and it's a really cowardly way to express masculinity.
     
    #9 Pret Allez, May 25, 2014
    Last edited: May 25, 2014
  10. QueerTransEnby

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    I love your posts, really. You make so many good points each and every time.
     
  11. photoguy93

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    Here I go again, being the stereotypical guy.

    Yeah, I'm the bottom, and yes, I'm feminine. It's a shock, I know.
     
  12. gravechild

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    Some people still consider bottoming a "feminine/female" trait, and there's been a long history of studying correlations between homosexuality and gender-variant traits and behavior. I'm not sure how many straight guys out there bottom, but compared to gay men, it seems the vast majority have no problem with taking the lead (it's expected of them, too).

    I have no problem taking the dominant or penetrative role, it's just I'd prefer to use fingers, toys, etc. than penis. There seems to be a subconscious bias against smaller or feminine partners taking the lead, but if someone opened their mind and gave it a try, they'd find a very willing participant! :wink:
     
  13. Fallingdown7

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    One thing that always bothered me was this actually. I think these kind of roles being either masculine or feminine are based on heterosexist/sexist ideals (IE: Women in straight sex "bottom" so it has to be submissive or weak thing, and therefore men who bottom are less of a man). Except it doesn't even work that way, and I think It's insulting to both gay men and women (Women can be the receptive partner while being completely un-feminine, so it works for gay men too).

    It also depends on what you define masculinity or femininity as. There are men who play heavy sports, never shave, are completely ripped and super tall- and they prefer to bottom. There are men who have really long hair, a skinny body, crossdress and wear makeup- and they top.

    Related but there's also an assumption that tops are dominant and bottoms are submissive, and some guys don't want to do one or the other in case it gives up their 'dominance/submission'. Seriously guys? That's not true either :frowning2:
    Especially speaking as a submissive top myself; I may like penetrating and dislike being the receiver but I'm totally passive and meek and I need my PARTNER to take control.

    So I think these assumptions are untrue, completely and you don't need to worry about them.
     
  14. stocking

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    I don't care whose topping me big woman or smaller curvy or skinny I like being a bottom , as long as I find her attractive I will happy bottom :slight_smile:

    But this reminds me of a porn I ended up seeing by accident where this woman was bigger than this guy and the guy was penetrating her but he was on the bottom and she was on top and let's say she was working him , holding him moving around like if he was a chick and the people who saw it said he was gay because she was top controlling everything and he wasn't acting like a man and it's the man job to top and control everything not the woman. Plus she didn't look feminine people were saying bad things about that too
     
    #14 stocking, May 25, 2014
    Last edited: May 25, 2014
  15. C P

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    Edit: I got Ninja'd by everybody, heh.

    I've seen this numerous times.There is a stigma attached to guys who hugely prefer/are mostly bottoms it seems. It is linked to masculinity and is pretty sad really; it goes back to the whole heteronormative idea of women being the ones who are supposed to be penetrated, therefore the bottom is the woman = they are less of a man. *blah blah sexism blah blah* A lot of guys seem to like identifying as vers rather than flat out bottom because of this or, if they top, they have to reassert a million times that they won't ever bottom.

    As an example, I saw a guy a little ways back on another forum, regarding this topic, who said that he would never tell his friends (particularly guys) if he were a bottom because he'd be way too embarrassed. He described it as feeling he was being mistreated, demeaned, ya di da...

    Tsk tsk
     
    #15 C P, May 25, 2014
    Last edited: May 25, 2014
  16. QueerTransEnby

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    This really turns me on. lol.
     
  17. stocking

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    It did the same thing to me but I don't get why the other men were upset at the guy
     
  18. Fallingdown7

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    It's even worse when men actually bottom for WOMEN, even though I find it extremely sexy. I think men who bottom for women should also be seen as masculine and dominant, even if It's non-traditional.
     
  19. gravechild

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    I bottomed for my girlfriends while living as a straight guy, but it was more of a 50/50 situation, since they enjoyed penetration as well. And its not like they were turned off, it just took a bit of getting used to for them, since it was out of their experience.

    It does become tiresome, how much importance is given to things like masculinity/femininity, tops/bottoms, submissiveness/dominance in the gay male community. I'd rather a partner who didn't care about any of that, and simply went with what felt natural, of course compromising on the way.

    It just seems superficial and prejudiced. We're so much more than what we choose to do in bed (or out of it, for that matter).
     
  20. Fallingdown7

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    Yeah, the funny thing is that when I identified as a straight girl, I wanted to exclusively top for men and never switch. I refused to -ever- be the bottom, and it was hard to find any guy that understood that or wasn't utterly creeped out (Probably a reason why I never did anything sexual with a guy). But the thing is that even under this preference (which I never got to act on), I still never felt masculine or dominant; I thought a guy could still take control of me if I were the top. (My dislike for bottoming probably led me to realize I didn't like guys in the first place though haha)

    But yeah, I understand the sentiment completely. There shouldn't be rigid roles of what a top or a bottom is. It just means you like to penetrate or be penetrated; it doesn't say anything about how manly or femme, how controlling or passive you are. I'm surprised more gay men don't understand this, quite frankly.