Bottom shame

Lots of future exploring yet to be done at my advancing age but in my limited (2 guys) experience decades ago I was equally turned on by topping and bottoming. In one relationship I had the bigger dick, while the other was bigger than me, but in both we took turns as top & bottom, often in the same session. I was sore after the smaller guy but never with the bigger.

Sigh, memories. Both were the best sex and most explosive climaxes I’ve ever had.

 

Like you the most intense, sensual, erotic sex I have ever had has been with another man. Absolutely nothing with a woman ever came close however I was only able to compare after embracing my homosexuality. The sexual connection is so incredibly explosive. The climaxes mind blowing and cuddling in the afterglow of such an experience makes gay the only real choice. I truly believe if more men were open to the experience the would find gay sexuality far superior. Just my opinion.

 

I just have to say that this might be my favorite emptyclosets thread ever. I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences!

 

This is simply wonderful.

 

There are actually quite a few. Brokebsck Mountain was a major Hollywood release. Also My Beautiful Laundrette with Daniel Day Lewis. There are also a number of independent films that explore man-on-man love

 

There's no rhyme or reason as to which role participants take during sex. I've found this to be surprising at times. There are also people who don't partake in every sexual act out there.

Maybe I'm oblivious but I don't perceive a lot of shaming about who is a top/bottom. I see it as a matter of what works for some doesn't work for others. And that people will take a pass if interests don't match up. If you have a really butch guy who bottoms and a not so butch guy who tops, that criss-crosses expectations, right? Well, it exists. I can't tell what people like from looking at them or by their mannerisms. About 1/3 of GB men aren't even into it. I disagree that this is about intimacy. We tend to pick what we do based on what feels good and what works for our boundaries, and that can have to do with pain, hygiene, and our own pleasure centers. What people should not be doing is telling others that they need to give it a chance unless they are asking for that advice. It's not quite as bad as telling a gay man or lesbian they haven't yet found the right opposite sex partner but people can decide on the what and when that works for them. We've had people come onto the forum to inquire about anal which means they're interested. Someone who is interested will look into it and ideally make good decisions that work for them.

Since we're at this, I might mention another unusual situation that exists. You've got a select few guys who are almost indiscriminate and even unsafe about how badly they want to bottom yet these same people and others don't want you anywhere near their faces. It could be that they have a partner and are messing around. It could be that they think this type of contact is not masculine and feel shame about it. Facial contact is one of the safest things out there. I'm going to say that this type of contact probably is understood to be more about intimacy but the head and neck are also major pleasure centers. I had a friend who told me that trading tongues is the thing that pushes him to climax. Some people can't go there. Maybe someone just likes their head and neck and finds them facially attractive.

 

interesting conversation. I actually want to be bottomed- i want a guy to penetrate me deeply.

 

Have only been a top but like the post above me I'm open to be both, don't want to miss out on anything....
I used to be a bit ashamed of gay sex but I now enbrace it.

 

If done properly with the right guy being penetrated is absolutely mind blowing. The connection is physical, emotional , sensual and erotic all at once. I started out as a vers top and over time with my BF have become a vers bottom. We have somewhat switched roles. I can certainly understand someone being a total bottom, I think I might be morphing towards a total bottom. I love the experience beyond what I could have ever imagined.

 

Although I don't really subscribe to labeling people's desires (after all, it's just a sexual position and not an identity), I agree that bottoming when you are really attracted to and in sync with your partner can be mind-blowingly satisfying.

 

I personally have never had an issue with the labeling of myself when it comes to this topic... with that said, mad respect for what you said here! I’ve not really thought about it like that myself.

 

I was labeling myself and I am ok with it. Each to their own, if one prefers no label good too.

 

Love what you wrote!

 

I find it interesting that some men who acknowledge their homosexuality later in life seem to want to minimize the sexual aspects of being gay. Sex is a part of the human experience whether gay or straight. It is one of most enjoyable things one can engage in. Why hide the fact we enjoy it. Embrace it.

 

I understand what you’re saying for sure. I think there is a push for heteronormative lifestyle to be adopted in the LGBTQ+ community. My opinion, we are accepted as long as we act like they do. This is just my opinion though. I have no shame in admitting this as a preference sexually for me. I’m good with that, but it has caused some guys to be not so nice.

I do like the statement that it’s a sexual position not an identity. There is a huge divide (at least in my area) between tops and bottoms. This doesn’t really make sense to me. Even if you’re not really interested in each other that way, you could still be friends. That doesn’t really happen though. And this leads into how our community contributes to bottom shaming. Like a bottom is only of use if you are interested in them sexually. And if your not, even if they aren’t really into you and just a nice guy, they are a “thirsty bottom!” Something guys kinda need to work on in my area.

 

I don't believe this is an older thing. I think there is shame, across the board with anal sex. I spent my life as one of the guys. I can't remember a time when a straight guy would be ashamed that he said he loved the feeling of vaginal sex. It might be vulgar and sometimes misogynistic. But, not embarrassment.

But, I just don't hear this from gay guys. Once, one of my brothers, in a "brothers getting into nasty conversation" (hey it happens) mentioned something outloud about anal sex. And, he heard about it with a lot of OMG...TMI...even from my other gay brother and his husband.

Anal sex should not be spoken of EVER I am afraid is pretty common.

It's too bad. I met my friend last night and I had one of the most profound sexual experiences of my life while engaging in anal sex. It was an incredibly beautiful way to bond with another human.

Yet, I cannot really ever share that (except in a forum like this or a private conversation with another gay or bi guy). I've had similar experiences with my wife and was not afraid to tell close friends how incredible the feelings were. In my heart of hearts I don't feel shame for last night. But, I feel I cannot speak of it.

My wife made the comment the other day that a friend broke down in "bum fuck nowhere". I laughed and said "Hmmm J and I should check that out". We laughed hard. But, it was the first time I really even mentioned casually to my wife that I enjoyed anal sex...and we talk about everything.

 

I would tend to see it as less about how long you've been out or when you came out but really how comfortable you are with being out. Most gay guys I've known are pretty comfortable talking about sex if the setting is at least relatively private (no children at the next table and the like) and frankly the married gay guys I know are much more likely than the married straight guys to still participate in frank discussion about sex.

 

See I’m a horrible person! I don’t accept this with family or friends lol. If they talk about sex so am I. Some don’t so I won’t, I gauge my conversation based on where their limit is on sharing their personal stories (sometimes I still over share because well I have no shame or filter bless their hearts). I won’t ever forget the day at work when I was talking to two of my girlfriends about sex, one admitted she had done anal the other was shocked and then four people we had never talked to slide up and joined the conversation. Evidentially a lot of people want to have the conversation and just don’t feel comfortable starting it! Then another time a friend of mine and I were ate DQ talking and she was giving me tips, because well she’s very well versed and thought I hadn’t experienced it yet. I’d actually asked her to meet me to tell her I had the night before. Well when I told her, she shouted a very crude version of what happened and everyone looked at us. We were in a corner and I’m not lying employees were coming from behind the counter hahaha I did get a free blizzard though so bonus!

 

I've had those same issues but I've come to realize that being a bottom is very manly. In some ways, the bottom is in control choosing the time, place and positions. For me being a bottom is one of the most intimate things about me, I want it and need it, but that doesn't make less masculine.