Born with a Curse

I might be the only one to say this but it sounds like you don't want our help even though everyone is trying their very hardest. Sorry but that's how i see it.

 

Ok, let's see here...

In the course of your various posts in this and other threads, you seem to alternate between saying that no one is interested in you because of your looks - and talking about your sex life, which comes across as being a rather busy one, and past relationships or attempts at same. These would seem to be mutually contradictory positions - either you are wrong in your characterization of people - or you are much better looking than you think you are. So which is it?

You say no one wants to hear your interests and thoughts?

Back in July you posted to this thread HERE.

In the course of the conversation you said much the same thing - that no one wanted to know the real you, that you had to fake it just to fit in. Check out the discussion from about post #23 onward.

You told us something about what you indicated were your real interests and thoughts - and within hours both myself and OGS sincerely responded to you indicating our interest in your interests and thoughts and sharing some of our own...and you stopped posting. Conversations about interests and thoughts...are two way streets. And we were not the ones who apparently walked away from this one.

If you'd like to pick up that past conversation btw - I'm certainly still interested in continuing it with you.

Virtually everyone who thinks they are good at hiding their feelings says that - whether they actually are or not is an entirely different thing. Beyond that, there is the issue of the amount of stress that constantly hiding (or trying to hide) your feelings puts on you - and the toll it takes in terms of your feelings and behavior. So, even if you are wonderfully good at hiding your feelings - the act of doing so may itself be sabotaging you.

Todd

 

Hi DeathArcanaXIII,

There's definitely a lot of sincere advice and thoughtful analysis on this thread. (*hug*)

Do you think it is possible for any current or future response to satiate your initial questions? What exactly are you looking to get out of this thread?

Do you consider yourself open-minded? How would you describe your level of optimism toward eventually being happy?

 

So, it's getting late here and I have to get to bed - work tomorrow. But wanted to take a moment to focus on this bit (the other bit, I'll deal with later).

TBH, my first response on reading this was an overwhelming urge to :bang::bang::eusa_doh::eusa_doh::tantrum::tantrum::bang::bang::bang:

But fortunately, the hot cereal I've been slow cooking for lunches this week finished about then and taking care of that gave me time to cool down and reflect. And I realized something...

You remind me of me when I was just starting college - 18yrs old and filled with anger and pain. Convinced that no one could understand me and that the only reason that anyone would ever be nice to me is because they wanted something.

You're not exactly like that, I think - but you're not so very different, either. And like me, I think your anger and pain have been with so long that they've 'got good for you' - become something that you hate - but also don't want to let go of. So instead of the above, all I'm going to do is this:

(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

because I think you really need it. Along with coming to the realization (as I eventually did when I met people in college beyond the tiny little world of the tiny little town I grew up in) that not everyone is the same and some people will just like you for you, not for what you can do for them.

Beyond that, the nature of the forum means that you can easily locate and review as many of my posts as you like. Same with OGS. I'd suggest that you take a bit of time and look over our 'history' here. I think you'll find that neither of us is given to engaging in cruel jokes. That's before we get to the issue of why I (or OGS) would want to do such a thing to you in the first place.

Whether you believe me or not, I meant what I said - I wanted to know what you were interested in back when I first asked the question on that other thread and I still want to know it now. All I can ask is that you trust me (trust us) a little and see what happens.

Take care,

Todd

 

What you wrote reminds me of some of my own posts where I was going in circles, refusing to look at the matter from another angle. I tend to do be stubborn. For example I had a strong hate for people who were into casual sex, mostly because I don't get their reasons at an emotional level. I understand them by logic, but not emotionally.

Now I see it in a bit different light, because I took the time to think about the matter: I accepted that casual sex is not for me - I'd feel like a piece of disposable meat, just like you wrote -, and I realized that partly what makes me uncomfortable is when people throw their "private" (not so private like this) lives out there (or in your face), mostly in order to brag.

So I realized it's not the act of casual sex what bothers me, but most people's attitude towards it.

I think you should try to take the time to examine this matter and analyze it to bits. That will help you to see other aspects of it, because you seem to be stuck in a very negative mindset. Ask yourself a lot of "why?" questions, and see where it gets you. I know it can be discouraging to experience the things you described in this thread, but I found that my mindset greatly distorts my experiences. When I'm kind of depressed, everything is shit and everyone is a dick. When I'm happy, I'm more open towards others and I can see that the same things I had regarded as shit, are not so shit. And people seem to be more kind that way. And it really helps, I've got to know more people recently, and I'm on good terms with them. It had been impossible in the not so recent past.

And to note, there are gay people who are not out for meat-shopping, but they seem to be a minority.

 

Well.. I certainly don't believe women are only capable of loving men. You shouldn't think men are made for women or vice versa.. It isn't right! Love is love.. Honestly. I know you're struggling though and I'm sorry.

 

No, it does not make you a reject. It doesn't "make you" much at all. What it does (and by "it", I mean depression in this case), is it makes you see everything in the most negative light possible. And that's really hard to cope with.

What can be done is working on your underlying mental/emotional problems. If you do, you will see that what you thought you saw so clearly, was most likely a very negative reflection, rather than something set in stone.

I'm not trying to condescending. I'm trying to say that I don't think that you are viewing your situation clearly, and that that is the problem, much more than the situation itself being inherently bad.

Ways to improve your situation would likely involve therapy, which in turn would likely involve cognitive restructuring and maybe medication.

 

It is.

I wish you all the luck with your bf!

<3

 

I know how you feel. Two years ago I just felt so sick and ashamed and disgusted with myself, I was so depressed I was unable to function in my everyday life, and I literally wanted to die, just to escape it all.

I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm 100% better now, but I've come to realize something that has helped me a lot and I hope it will help you too: It's not my fault that I felt that way, and it's not your fault that you feel this way right now. It's society's fault for planting the idea in our heads, from day one, that homosexuality is deviant, disgusting, unnatural, or sinful, that men and women were made for each other and that anything else is wrong, and for actively excluding anyone who's not straight/cis from our culture. You don't deserve to feel the way you do now, no one does. You deserve better, and you have every right to be pissed that society didn't give it to you. But now that you're here, what are you going to do about it to make things better so that future generations can get what they deserve?