Bone to pick with the lgbt community

If someone has "No AAs/Latinas/bi people/*fill in the blank*" on their dating profile I automatically put them on my *will not date* list.

 

Honestly I don't understand the whole "no AA" thing. Both black and gay people, among other minorities, were persecuted for a long time because of who they were, and still are in many places unfortunately. I think this depends in what state the dating sites are based which allows them to make these distasteful race preferences. I personally have respect for black people and think they shouldn't be discriminated as a minority, especially since we ourselves are a minority that are discriminated. Just my opinion.

 

No more bone pickin

 

When I read the op I was confused because I read "AA" as "Alchoholics Anonymous".
Also... what does CL stand for in the op?

 

I think it might vary by group. The majority of men probably don't consider Nicki Minaj a "perfect ten"! She pretty much goes against the ideal model/actress. And its probably more common to be seen as a sex object than to be "marriage material". I know lots of people who wouldn't think twice of sleeping with someone of a different race but inviting them to the family would be a big no-no.

Well, I'm not sure that's the case everywhere. Take Jerusalem, for example, which is pretty diverse, but each group has its own part of the city and tensions run pretty high. Of course, religion, politics, and the economy play a part in it.

So would I, but it doesn't exactly work toward any long-term solutions.

People seem to only care about an issue if it affects them directly...

No idea how common it is for straight men to say it, but of course, racism has been more studied in those contexts. Women have less power than men, too, so that might play a part in it (you can expect a Latina, Asian woman to be a maid or "traditional wife", but less so with two men).

I remember reading that lesbians were more open to dating other races, so I wonder if that might come from being oppressed in more ways, and seeing they share more in common, not being raised to see other women as a "threat" like men have, or something biological?

Craigslist, I'm guessing.

 

That feels slightly like shifting the goal post to me...

The only people I know of who wouldn't invite someone of a different race to see the family are people who's family is racist. I grew up in kind of small town rural area where that line of thinking wasn't the norm, but it also wasn't exactly uncommon either. It's usually not that the person themself is racist against who they're seeing so much as they know their family is and they don't want to put someone through that situation.

"but each group has its own part of the city"

^

That probably plays a major role because even though technically the area might be diverse the people living there are still growing up in their "part" of the city.

 

To be fair, if you're black you probably don't want to date someone who has no interest in dating black people.

 

I don't know if lesbians are more open to dating other races or not. I think you are attracted to who you are attracted to. I just think it's pretty ridiculous to completely close yourself off to the option of ever dating a certain race. Also if someone puts "no African Americans" on their profile I automatically think they're racist even if they might not be. It sounds like they don't even want to have black friends. It reminds me of lesbians who say "No bi girls" or gay men who say "No femmes". I just think those sort of things on dating sites are pretty off-putting.

---------- Post added 18th Apr 2017 at 06:49 PM ----------

True

 

I'd agree it's based in racism. I think when confronted with the idea that they're being racist, people immediately become defensive and angry since they don't 'actively' discriminate racially or hold racist views. The thing is, it's easy to be influenced subconsciously or otherwise by media or social perceptions of attractiveness, which are still very much biased towards whiteness or at least white features equating with beauty. You might be attracted to pale skin and blue eyes, and not to dark skin and brown eyes, and sure, go ahead and find someone who fits the bill, but have you ever thought why that is?

 

It's racist, sure, but honestly, I don't care who people choose to date and who not to date. They are the ones missing out, I'm not their mother, it's their choice.
Meanwhile, I will choose not to date someone who says something so stupid as "no *insert race here*" when it comes to dating.

 

Besides seeing "no AA's" I've also seen "no fats." I think that's discrimination.

 

I can understand the "no fats" thing. Being overweight may be undesirable in a partner because it's unhealthy. Or maybe they just think it's gross. In most situations, thinking a person's body gross is a bad reason to exclude them, but when it comes to sex and dating, you shouldn't feel pressured to be with someone who you secretly think is gross.

 

Okay I guess that's true but like they shouldn't put no fats. Like if someone on the heavier side messages them they can just say sorry I'm not interested or just block them. They don't have to say "no fats."

 

I mean, sure, it's a little rude, but some people prefer to be upfront, so overweight people know not to even try.

 

And it has the plus side of telling some people that they're shallow and not worth engaging with. It's a win-win. Overweight people won't be the only ones staying away from someone who has "no fats" on their profile (and likewise AA won't be the only ones avoiding "no AA").

 

It's not always about looks, though I'd argue that somebody who cares about their health or something else would not say "no fats."

Personally, I have it on my dating profiles that I don't mind overweight people, but I have a hard time seeing myself with an obese person partly due to health concerns on their behalf and also because it puts a lot of stops when it comes to activities you can do as a couple.

 

Right, I'm not condemning those who would not be attracted to overweight people or could not see themselves dating someone overweight. There's nothing wrong with seeking healthiness in a partner, and excessive weight is typically correlative with poor health. I'm underweight myself, and I can see people's potential concerns over my health as well, on the flip-side. It's more about the attitude that something like "no fats" or "no AA" conveys. Every part of a dating profile reveals something about a person. Someone who comes across "no AA" on a profile might fully recognize that a racial preference is not necessarily rooted in racism, but to express it as "no AA" might reveal potential negative character traits of the person who does so (i.e. quick to dismiss, potentially shallow, etc.) and that may be enough to turn some away. But as I said, that could be beneficial for both parties.

 

Then again, there's also a difference between slightly overweight and very obese. And even average looking people can be unhealthy; I know many who eat too much junk and drink too much. So a true person who wants a healthy person also wouldn't want a lazy ass thin person in their life either.

Personally, for me, being slightly overweight is fine as long as you make an effort to have a proper lifestyle.

 

I think we just have to accept online dating/hooking up for what it is. This isn't stuff most people would say in person, but the whole point of doing things online is to cut to the chase. Personally I don't put stuff like that in my profiles even though I know there are certainly things I'm not attracted to and may pass on because of it. At the same time, I kind of appreciate if someone outright says "no (blank)" if it covers me because now I know don't waste my time messaging the person. For example, I'm short (5'4) so somebody saying "no short guys" or "tall guys only" or something gets to the point for me (and yes, this comes up a lot). Or in the cases of me being interested in younger guys and seeing them say "no one over 30" or something. Sure I could argue I'm only 33 and I look younger and...or I can respect their clearly spelled out wishes and not message them as I am not what they're looking for.

I don't think it makes sense to think that everybody should give everybody a chance romantically and sexually. At some point you have to be able to say no, and online dating is designed to give us literally hundreds of options at once, so saying no to whole groups at once based on anything you deem yourself not attracted to just doesn't seem unfair to me at all.

 

Yeah, I see your point.

I mean, I'm essentially not attracted to black people at all, but I don't say that in such a way. I'm more into saying what I LIKE rather than what I DISLIKE.