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Bisexuals, do you have a 'bi-cycle'?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Aj462, Mar 2, 2017.

  1. Aj462

    Aj462 Guest

    If you consider yourself bisexual, have you ever experienced yourself cycling between different phases of being sexually attracted to men and women (especially when in a long term relationship with one person)?

    I'm starting to think I am bi, and I have noticed that it's like someone flips a switch in my mind and then I start to become very sexually attracted to other men and have very vivid and lustful fantasies of having sex with them (usually with me as the submissive partner). This can last for days or weeks, and then the switch will flip back again and the idea of sex with men seems to do nothing for me, but I feel very much more drawn to my wife, and the idea of sex with women in general.

    Am I crazy, or do other bisexuals experience this phenomenon too?
     
  2. onlyhuman33

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    I would guess that it varies from person to person. Let's face it, there is no right or wrong way of being bisexual LOL. For me, and this is only my personal experience, I find that it isn't so much of a time frame (3 weeks attracted to men, then 2 weeks attracted to women, then back to men for the next week or so, ect.) as it is from person to person all the time. I'm totally and wholly in love with my wife. I am very attracted to her physically, emotionally and sexually. But I can find myself attracted to a guy or even another woman at any time. Mind you, my advice is based strictly on attraction. I don't think that being bi gives me the right to cheat on my wife. I am committed to her so I have not slept with any other person male or female. Nor have I acted on my attractions to other people.

    You are not crazy. If I had to guess, I would say you are just starting out with the realization that you are indeed bi or maybe even gay. But no matter how you identify sexually, it sounds like you are married and probably shouldn't be doing anything other than internally questioning your sexual identity. I feel that if you should want to investigate it further, you should take care of business at home first.

    Probably not what you wanted to hear, but just my opinion. I think you'd be happier if that is the route you choose!!! Good luck and welcome!!!
     
  3. Chiroptera

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    Dat pun on the title... :grin:

    I will always feel attracted to both men and women, but, some days i will think more about men and in others i will think more about women.

    Most of the time i'm more interested in men, but i can't say that my "women switch" is turned off: The attraction is still there, it is just not my preference most of the time (but there are days where it is).
     
  4. Aj462

    Aj462 Guest

    Thanks for the reply.

    I notice you mention attraction to people specifically, but how do you find that this affects your day-to-day fantasies and thoughts? Predominantly in your mind, do you have a preference or change in frequency for same or opposite sex fantasies during different periods?

    Yes, I am trying to define my sexuality, and at present all I know is that I am not straight. The thing is that, when I'm in my 'gay phase' I almost exclusively feel like a gay man in terms of attraction and sexual thoughts/desires. But then this disappears after a period and I find myself back on the opposite wavelength for another period.

    Thanks for the advice.

    I feel this is close to what I experience. I guess I never completely shut off my opposite-sex desire when in my same-sex phase, but the intensity of it does feel as if I have. And then the preference will completely invert itself later...

    The past few months I have started to recognise when this switch is being flicked, and it can be at any time, even if I'm not focusing on sexual thoughts. I just start to feel, 'I'm gay now' or 'I'm straight again now'.
     
  5. seeking

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    My preference is always more for females... there are few guys I am attracted to the point of being sexual with.

    For a while I thought I was completely homosexual...but I definitely don't think so even though my attraction to men are so small. Still going with time. I just know for 100% sure I am attracted to the same sex.

    Do these switches happen when you feel lonely? If you are single right now you could always go to a local gay bar...and just ease into it. Dance with a few guys and flirt...then see how you feel.
     
  6. Aj462

    Aj462 Guest

    I haven't been able to pinpoint a specific trigger that inverts my desires, but I don't think that loneliness is one.

    I'm actually married at present, so physically exploring my same-sex attraction is not something that I will be pursuing at present. I wish I figured all of this out when I was younger, but my fundamentalist religious upbringing made me repress all same-sex desire, to the extent that I never realised I had it at all. It's only looking back now that I can see it's always been there to some degree.
     
  7. seeking

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    Ah, understandable.

    I don't have much advice on figuring out sexuality/realizing sexuality during marriage. So I hope someone comes on the thread and able to give advice.

    But, really take this time to focus on yourself and figure out what you personally need.

    I grew up in a very traditional and religious family. My uncle is gay and he grew up in a very religious family....so it is tough to overcome those structures. Think there was a time period the mother (my grandmother) was not talking to him, but they started talking again even if they weren't in agreement.

    It takes a lot to fully accept sexuality.

    Can you afford to see a therapist? Sometimes it is good to go to someone and just say everything out loud in your own voice.
     
  8. Aj462

    Aj462 Guest

    Thank you.

    My wife and I are planning on visiting a sex therapist in the next few days, so hopefully they can help clarify my thinking and help me find and accept myself.
     
  9. LoyalGryffindor

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    I definitely have gone through that! I would get really into girls for like two weeks, then all of a sudden I'd just like guys again...SO CONFUSING. This happened to me for like a year and a half. But last month I really, truly came out to MYSELF as queer. Since then, my attraction to guys (i'm a girl) has almost entirely disappeared....So we'll see what happens :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2017 at 07:59 AM ----------

    I'll also add that the phases where I was more attracted to girls were more intense than the phases of preferring guys.
     
  10. Aj462

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    Do you think that this intensity was because you had satisfied your opposite-sex needs? And the same-sex needs were an unknown realm?

    Thanks!
     
  11. onlyhuman33

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    I feel my day-to-day fantasies and thoughts mirror my attraction to people. I could go to the store and see a really cute girl and fantasize about her, then go for a run on a trail and see a really hot guy and fantasize about him. All of this in the course of an hour. It really depends more so on the individual and how attracted to them I feel. As opposed to, I'm specifically looking for a guy. Or looking for a girl. Does that make any sense?

    Ok, so rereading your question again. I think you are asking in a polite way, is when I am looking for some "alone entertainment" what am I looking for? Gay or straight? If not, this last part may come off really weird LOL :icon_redf It's funny because I've actually been asked that question before. I think they asked it more so because I'm trans than because I'm bi. But my answer is just as boring, unfortunately. It really depends on my mood. God, I hope that's what you were asking LOL. But yeah, that's pretty much why I identify as bi. Sometimes I don't know what I'm looking for even while I'm looking for it.

    Also, I know this is coming off somewhat prudish, but I would just like to note that my fantasies aren't a "day-to-day" thing. And certainly not looking for "alone time entertainment." LOL!! I know, super prudey, but... I just wanted to put that out there.
     
  12. lost101

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    I feel you on this since I realized I was attracted to women after being with men for quite some time I have only dated and been in loving relationships with women but when single would sleep with men I believe it's because honestly sleeping with men comes easy because you don't have to get to know them or wine and dine them so I can go on ****** or another dating site and get laid and that be it I find emotionally and mentally I connect more with women and it turns me on more when I'm with a guy I find after we have had sex a few times there really isn't much there for me on any other level it's kinda like some people do it for you others don't for instance I think and know Brad pitt is attractive but I wouldn't sleep with him if I had the chance to yet if it was Channing Tatum I find him attractive and maybe would sleep with him it's about level of attraction some people just do it for you sexually others mentally and emotionally it happens to straight people to that's why a lot of people cheat they like the person they're with but sometimes they find a connection with someone that is better then the person they're with and it's strong enough to make them do it I do find myself having dreams about dicks and fucking guys when I'm with a girl for a long time but hasn't been enough to act on them as long as you're honest and open about your feelings and desires you should be ok it's about communication and preference there's no right or wrong way and I believe fully in the Kinsey Scale
     
  13. ligunn

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    Aj, I 100% feel the exact same way as you! I think at least for me it also has a lot to do with doing masculine or feminine activities...
     
  14. LoyalGryffindor

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    No. I've never actually been in a relationship, so I don't think so.
     
  15. Aj462

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    So it sounds like you don't have a cycle of attractions as such, but rather are just open to whoever or whatever thoughts come along?

    Oh, I wasn't necessarily referring to masturbation, but of course that does go along with fantasy.


    Yes, I'm just starting to recognise these feelings and allow them to be present.

    That's really good to know!

    The confusing thing is that I do feel almost exclusively gay when in the same-sex phase, but then feel crazy a little later when my opposite-sex desire returns. I have been scared that I am just a gay man in denial, but I think it's deeper than that.
     
  16. Redwinerox

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    Ok, so can I just say that the bi-cycle description nailed my feelings to a "T." This was especially true before I accepted my bisexuality. The feelings would ebb and flow. Before I came to terms with being bi I would try to score with women after I acted upon my MM feelings in some sort of twisted way of proving that i really didn't have bi/gay interactions, I was really hetro. The peace that came over me when i finally accepted myself, wow! I wish I could say that same peace permeated my marriage after I came out to my wife, but alas it actually made our already rocky relationship more unstable. She is a very jealous person by nature and all I did was increase her suspicions whenever I would want to hang with a guy friend. Man! Anyhow, I've been in therapy for a bit and trying to put some context around my Bi-Cycles as you call them. So far, I don't have anything of substance to report. However, I am in the middle of one of those Bi-cycles at this time. It's really difficult when trying not to stray from my marital vows. Oh well, I could go on, but I did want to chime and to say you are not alone in your bi-cycles my friend.
     
  17. Hushhh

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    Hiyall,

    I definitely have a "bi-cycle". I can fairly say it is somehow related to my hormonal cycle as well, and I think it's the same with men too, we have these testosterone and estrogen levels in our body affected by one's own anatomy and physiology, stress and even nutritional factors.

    I'm married btw, and not out to my husband. Anyway, based on personal experience, I seem to also notice that my attraction(sexual) to women increase when the intimacy between me and my partner decreases. (Bedroom troubles, misunderstandings, etc)
     
  18. Rickystarr

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    Interesting thought that it could be related to hormone level. I have a slightly different perspective on this since I don't consider myself bisexual (though I am kind of open to the idea of sex with men). But I am a transman and I've been on testosterone treatment for about six months. Before starting transition, I would occasionally get on a gay porn kick and would pretty much exclusively watch gay porn even though I had no interest in men myself. But 90% of the time I would only watch porn featuring women. I never went back and forth all in the same day. Since starting testosterone, I have had zero desire to ever watch gay porn. Haven't even thought about it. And although I am more comfortable with the idea of sex with men in theory since transitioning, I have a hard time fantasizing about men in any capacity now, though I used to occasionally throw one in there for the hell of it.

    Now if I want to fantasize about getting it in the butt or something I'll just picture a girl doing it lol.
     
    #18 Rickystarr, Mar 13, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2017
  19. Hushhh

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    Hello Rickystarr

    I am no expert in hormone levels and it's effects to the human brain, psychosexuality and behaviors, haven't read published studies and research on that area either.
    I just know that there are a lot of factors that affect these fluctuations or cycles, or for some "episodes" "gush of feelings" etc.

    But based on my personal observation, my monthly cycle has some level of effect to the intensity of how I feel towards the opposite and same sex(sexual urges and fantasies)
     
  20. EverDeer

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    It's actually this concept that made me doubt myself for a lot of years and deny my own bi/pan sexuality. I'm typically more attracted to men/masculinity either way, though I've been in a long term relationship with a man for 3 years now and seems every few months or so I'll go from having interest in him and male-centric porn and stuff to thinking and talking a lot about other women I see. Obviously I don't lose interest in him as a person either way, but it's interesting to see how my tastes range back and forth depending on how I'm feeling.