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Bisexuality stigma? What are your thoughts? (WARNING: LONG POST)

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Ljjgreat2017, Mar 10, 2017.

  1. Ljjgreat2017

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    Please beware of the long post. If you can bear to read this, please do.

    I wanted to ask this question but I noticed that there is a huge stigma to bisexuality, as well as homosexuality, being transgender, and other identities. A lot of people believe that bisexuality doesn't exist. This doesn't just come from the the straight community, but also the gay community. I'm pretty sure it may come from the transgender community as well. Sometimes, the opinions vary. There are some people who believe that only women can be bisexual, while men cannot.

    I'm black too. So there is a LGBT+ stigma in the black community, as well as other communities. Being black adds to the problem.

    Plus, there are a lot of women that are turned off by a bisexual male. There's a gay/bisexual double standard. Society is okay with women being bisexual, but men are despised by society for it.

    Even though I consider myself to be questioning, I'm pretty sure I'm a bisexual male. Last year, I had an account on this site that is now inactive and I had asked a similar question.

    There has been a huge amount of progress for the gay community, as well as the transgender community. But there doesn't appear to be a lot of progress for the bisexual community.

    So what are your thoughts on the bisexuality stigma? Do you think there has been any progress in 2017? Any advice? Any other input? Any personal stories?
     
  2. FluffyLightFox

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    If you're slapping a big "WARNING" on your title I was expecting a two-page long essay, ah! No need to worry about the length any way, we'll see it after we click and most of us will still sit and read through everything.

    True. A lot of people, including gay and lesbian people, don't believe in bisexuality. I think it's a factor of how open-minded these people are. Sometimes you're open minded enough to accept a binary system (gay/heterosexual) but when things get more complicated you brush them off by saying "well they're just confused" or "you just haven't met the right person yet". I'm not even trying to address pansexuality with them, it's most likely a lost cause. Some people need their view of the world widened. There are other reason, I suppose, why people would refuse the idea of bisexuality (social pressure, especially for straight folks, imagine if you found out you're not straight!).

    Here I'd say it's due to the heterosexual male fantasy of having sex with two ladies (society still being led, in the west, by the desires of mostly white straight males). Ideally, bisexual girls are seen as potential partners to bring that fantasy to reality whereas bisexual men don't fit that plan. Sometimes they're seen as threats to the straights' masculinity (like for gay men), or freaks because they don't fit the binary system which is the best thing some people could wrap their mind around.


    Same thing with gay men turned off by bisexual guys, and lesbians turned off by bisexual gals. Maybe there is a psychological aspect to it like "eww it's been in a woman's vagina". Sometimes it's ignorance, denial. I can't really project myself in the mindset of someone who would be turned off by bisexual partners, I don't see any real reason other than what's already mentionned above.

    It's the first time I hear the term "bisexual community". I had no reason to think it didn't exist, but, you know, bisexual erasure is sadly a thing, and that's probably why, even though there probably is progress, we don't hear about it. Sometimes erasure is in the form of saying that bisexual people don't have issues, because they can have the privileges of straight people (which is wrong, and even if they do they're essentially closeted).

    The first sign of progress would be that we heard about progress for bisexual people. Education helps improve visibility and awareness, so learning and reading things is essential, so when you encounter ignorance or you need to explain an issue you have all the necessary tools.

    I hope it helps.
     
  3. actualdust

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    I definitely think there's a stigma to being bi; that we "can't decide", are sex addicts, are really just straight or really just gay, all that stuff. I don't really experience the ignorance since most of my friends are gay/bi but it's out there.
     
  4. Creativemind

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    First off, this post isn't really long. I was expecting an essay. lol.

    But yes, I agree with the stigma, especially in men. Men seem to have the same "one drop rule" that interracial men get- even being curious in just one guy will get you labeled as gay.

    I can't stand bi women who reject bi men as partners. For me, It's a complete dealbreaker and I would never date a bi woman who holds this standard, especially since most of them also complain about lesbians not dating them. What's the difference?
     
  5. Quantumreality

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    From my point of view these stigmas, prejudices, biphobias definitely are a problem. I believe that the reason most of them exist is ignorance. The general population is simply not taught about the true nature of sexuality in any of our basic educational institutions and most heterosexual people have no reason to explore or even even question their own sexuality, so they have no reason to be exposed to the realities of sexuality (and gender identity) that exist for those of us in the LGBTQ community.

    In the gay community, I've found more issues among gay men than women. In part, I believe, it is because a significant number of gay men first Come Out as Bisexual in the (mistaken) belief that it is easier for their friends and family to accept than their homosexuality. And largely because of these personal experiences, they tend to believe that ALL people who 'claim' to be Bi are just homosexuals who have yet to 'admit' that they are actually gay.

    That isn't an excuse and doesn't make things 'o.k.' or 'right' but I think it can be a starting point to help better educate people. Education about the true nature of sexuality (along with real sex education - i.e. including LGBTQ sex education - for the general population) would go a LONG way towards ending much of the LGBTQ discrimination that we see in our society, in my humble opinion.
     
  6. beenthrdonetht

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    Creativemind you said my thoughts.

    It is ironic that "side-takers" pooh-poohing the existence of bisexuals/bisexuality are finding another way to deride diversity.
     
  7. WMM

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    My wife is bisexual. She has been out for 25 years. She says the lesbian/gay community is less tolerant of her than straights are.

    She notes people on both sides are constantly telling her she needs to decide. She is told she is really a lesbian on a pretty regular basis because of her very enthusiastic lust for women.

    Sure, she doesn't lust for men, but she is a very active and responsive lover, and loves attention from men, so she has always insisted she is bisexual.

    One of the stereotypes of bisexuals which Mary likes and is willing to own is the claim she is oversexed, or highly sexed, anyway. Call her greedy, call her a slut, she will roll with it. Yes, she wants it all. She is not satisfied to choose one or the other, and she thinks no bisexual person should be. Bad Mary.

    Because she is greedy, and openly bisexual, she probably contributes to the negative attitudes towards bisexuals. Oh well.

    ---------- Post added 10th Mar 2017 at 11:53 PM ----------

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Ljjgreat2017

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    Great response. You're very intelligent.

    ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2017 at 08:05 AM ----------

    I agree. The bi stigma has to stop.

    ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2017 at 08:07 AM ----------

    You hit the nail on the head.

    ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2017 at 08:07 AM ----------

    It's good that you agree.
     
  9. Zen fix

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    With even my limited "outness" I can say I have experienced some of the stigma. I can also say that I contribute to the stigma in some ways and I believe that as a group bisexuals contribute to some of these broader stereotypes. We do this mainly through our silence. Many of us get comfortable in relationships and stay there and those around us naturally assume we are straight or gay depending on the gender of our partners. The bisexual then becomes invisible.
     
  10. Lexington

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    I sum up the stigma that bisexuals get by showing all three of the possible outcomes...and the snide comments made by gays about them.

    Bisexual settles down with somebody of the same sex? "See? You can't trust a bisexual - they're all actually gay and refuse to admit it to themselves.

    Bisexual settles down with somebody of the opposite sex? "See? You can't trust a bisexual - they're always going to choose 'normalcy' over what would really make them happy."

    Bisexual doesn't settle down with anybody? "See? You can't trust a bisexual - they refuse to commit."

    Lose-lose-lose.

    Lex
     
  11. WMM

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    Mary did marry me before she came out. I do ask she not wear things that actually say the words bisexual on them. I just think that would be a bit too much for day to day. This is fine. We go shopping every weekend with her wearing her colors.

    It's just too bad no community likes her.

    [​IMG]
     
    #11 WMM, Mar 13, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2017
  12. dreamcatcher

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    Biphobia is so real. My best friend (who is a lesbian) and I were scrolling through her dating profile and we came upon a girl that seemed really cute and interesting so we both agreed she should message her. But then she noticed said girl was bisexual and didn't want to message her. When i asked why she said she wouldnt want to be in a relationship with a bisexual woman bc they always end up with a dude. I told her she was pre judging an entire group of people and that all people of the same orientation are not the same but she said all lesbians have had the same experience so its true... on top of that i met some lesbians a couple of days ago and when i told them i was bisexual, they looked so disappointed. One even admitted to being biphobic and said she wouldnt date bi women. It's so fucked up.
     
  13. Zen fix

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    Does it seem like females, in general, tend to have more of a problem with a partner being bisexual?
     
  14. Lexington

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    No real experience with females, so I couldn't say. But it's definitely an issue among gay males.

    Lex