1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Bisexuality and monogamy

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Drinkswine, Apr 15, 2017.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Drinkswine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2017
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    When I was very young I thought there wa something very wrong with me. So did my poor mother I'm sure. She caught me red handed with "naked lady" magazines when I was about 6. The prettiest girls I hid in my pillowcase. She was very angry. First crushes were always girls, same with first kisses. The posters I hung in my room as a teen were all girls. First real girlfriend was at 14, it lasted a couple years and she lived with my family. We were careful or so I thought. Someone from our school saw us together holding hands. Called me dyke in front of everyone, threatens me. I denied it but lost all my friends that day. Then I told her to get out. I got a boyfriend then married him 2 years later. We divorced. Got another boyfriend that I had no attraction to. Married him a year later. Cheated on him with a couple women. 15 years later got divorced. Now living with a man. My close female friends are unattractive for a reason. I'm sure that people begin to suspect that I prefer females. It's so terrifying that I would be caught staring at boobs or butts. I've been on every dating site I can think of trying to meet someone. That's terribly selfish.. is it reasonable to think that monogomy would ever work for someone like me? How do others cope with these feelings?
    I need help. Seriously I'm to old for this
     
    FleetFoxes likes this.
  2. Rana

    Rana Guest

    Hi there, my first question is whether you truly believe you're bisexual or really a lesbian? I know you've dated and married men, but you seem to imply that you never were happy in those relationships and were trying to force yourself to negate your impulses of sexual attraction to women. I understand the fear and other issues but honestly, we live one life. No one can tell you to come out...you have to be ready (I'm not out and just started dealing with this stuff myself). I have only started feeling attraction to women for a short time, but it seems like you've known since you were young. Regardless of whether you're bisexual or a lesbian, you can live whatever life you find most fulfilling and happy. You say it's "terrifying" for people to catch you staring at women. It sounds like you're surrounded by a community that will tease you or hurt you if they new you liked women. What if things were different? Are there gay groups or communities near where you live? Could you find a safe place to discuss this?Have you had therapy with a professional who understands LGBT issues? I'm just thinking out loud here, and hoping it will help. Hang in there.
     
    SeattlebiM and FleetFoxes like this.
  3. Lexa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    173
    Location:
    Belgium
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am also wondering if you are bisexual or lesbian? I had feelings for boys and girls from a young age and had posters in my room of both sexes. We are all different of course but I get the impression that you felt ok with girls and had no interest in boys until other people saw you with a girl.
     
    SeattlebiM likes this.
  4. SiennaFire

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,161
    Likes Received:
    246
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC :welcome:

    You'll find a supportive environment to help you explore your sexuality.

    I would google "Kinsey scale" for information about how bisexuality is a continuum.

    From what you've written, it appears that you fall somewhere higher in the range, such that you primary attraction is towards women. I'm Kinsey 5 on the scale and identify as gay in real life. I'll let you decide the best label for yourself.

    I'm wondering why you date men when your primary attraction appears to be other women?

    in vino veritas,
    sf
     
    #4 SiennaFire, Apr 16, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2017
  5. FleetFoxes

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2020
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    As a recently semi-out bisexual woman, I have been examining a lot of my previous misconceptions about bisexuality. I remember a boy in school who identified as bi, and he got a lot of comments that he was just "slutty". This unfortunately probably affected my perception of bisexuality - I think for a long time I believed it related to the frequency of sexual activity. However, now accepting that I am attracted to more than just men, I think a lot of my strong non monogamous thoughts in previous relationships were really related to me actively repressing my true desires. It's worth thinking about whether your inclination to "non manogamy" is really just your desire to be free of hetero normative relationship standards?
     
  6. Tartanskrt

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2019
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi and welcome
    Monogamy may not work for you. I have a good friend who is actively polygamous and happy that way. For some ppl it is their natural state.
    You said you currently have a male partner but you're looking for a female. Do you still desire your partner? Do you still want to be with him but you also want something else or is it just that you want to be with a woman? Any and all of these feelings are valid.
    For what its worth all my closest friends are definitely not my type. I find it so difficult to talk to women Im attracted to that I actually can't be friends with them. So I totally get that part.
    It's ok to be questioning. I'm not sure any of us are ever too old. I used to manage a sheltered housing complex and the things those 80 year olds used to get up to.
     
  7. HM03

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2013
    Messages:
    2,623
    Likes Received:
    508
    Location:
    Pergatory
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi @FleetFoxes and @Tartanskrt, just a friendly reminder that this support/advice thread is a couple years old and it's unlikely that the OP is still looking for advice. However, you are more than welcome to create a new thread if you have opinions on it that you'd like to share!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.