Bisexual - Want a Biological Child but Better w/ Women?

I am bisexual, and I'm not sure now if I prefer men or women more. However, my attraction to men is problematic. As I have described in a previous thread months back, I overwhelmingly prefer older men (~30s,40s). Speaking with a therapist and finally owning up to problems I had as a child, this isn't a harmless preference. It is a result of mistreatment by my father and other authority figures in my childhood. Why this pattern exists but isn't as strong with women is a mystery to me. The only thing I can think of is that older men are considered more attractive by convention.

Based on this information and my apparent inability to be attracted to men my age (23), I reason that it would be better for me to just embrace my sexual attraction to women.

However, I am having trouble letting go of the idea I built up in my head over many years of me getting married to a man and having children. While artificial insemination from a sperm donor should be acceptable to me, the idea of some guy I don't know fathering my baby really bothers me. Honestly, the idea actually makes me cry, even when I consider that they have very extensive profiles of the men nowadays.

Compounding (and definitely contributing to) this problem is the fact that I'm still not out to anyone but my friends, most of whom are safely out of state and away from my family.

I can't tell if this is me making excuses trying to avoid coming out or if this is really a genuine concern I have.

Has anybody else been here? Usually people worry about how people will react and I do, but this is really tearing me up and I feel stuck.