After a while of figuring out my sexuality I feel that I can put a good label for myself. I feel that I am a bisexual, homoplatonic. I feel that I have sexual attraction to both male and females(not all male and females, I have standards). I see myself as homoplatonic because most of my social interactions in my 26 years on Earth have been with males, not much with females. Not counting bullying about middle school "hoods" or other bullying bullshit, most social interactions have been with guys or boys in school and college. I admit I like a few girls or women here and there, but I felt some lack of confidence to ask girls out or fear some rejection or being mocked behind my back.
i feel u dude ive been there. its hard when the opposite sex feels so scary? or uncomfortable? almost like you have to watch yourself and the way you speak or talk for fear of making some sort of mistake.
I get this. I grew up with only female friends. Boys are complete mysteries to me because I found that the men I imagined or conjured in my head are very different from real men. So my expectations were skewed I think. I went out on an outing for the first time with a guy friend alone recently and my biggest struggle was that even though he was a perfectly good looking guy and we had fun I guess, and even though we ultimately parted ways by my choice because we didn't share the same views, it was more than that I think. I wanted to be somewhere else and was so relieved that our outing was done. I even went home early one day because I just didn't want to be with him and I think to be attracted to someone you wouldn't normally feel that way.
I mean, I liked him at first I think. We got along well in the beginning but there was just a wall there ykwim? And it got more and more obvious as time went on. Something was just not right. I didn't feel totally myself and it bothered me. I felt in some manner it was a performance with him. That there was more to me than he knew and he would not have liked the real me beyond what I told him. And I like to think I am pretty vulnerable with people. But yeah, I just don't know if a straight woman would feel that way so I know I'm not straight.
