1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Bisexual Discrimination

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by BiBoyToy, Feb 1, 2021.

  1. BiBoyToy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2021
    Messages:
    509
    Likes Received:
    141
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've heard a lot about bisexuals being discriminated against by people in the LGBTQ+ community. As a bisexual man myself, I have also experienced it firsthand. I've had people tell me that I just haven't realized I'm gay yet or that I'm just a super horny young adult that's promiscuous. I've also had people tell me that I'm just in an experimental phase and I'll end up straight or gay. I was even ridiculed a few years ago at a pride festival because I was in a straight relationship at the time and was there with my girlfriend.

    Why do you think this discrimination exists? What can we do to make a change?

    I've heard it's because they have an easier time being accepted by straight people because they can "pass" for non-queer with less effort, especially if they are in a long-term (even short term) relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

    I've also heard that bisexuals are referred to as "birthers" by those in the gay community because they can conceive children on their own and have the appearance of being straight.
     
    BiGemini87 and Tightrope like this.
  2. BradThePug

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2011
    Messages:
    6,525
    Likes Received:
    260
    Location:
    Northeast Ohio
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think that some of the stigma against bisexuals come from people believing it is just a phase. There are a lot of people that initially come out as being bi because they cannot accept themselves as being gay. This is not done intentionally, it comes from internalized homophobia. There is not much that can be done about that since that is a societal change that needs to happen.

    There are also those that see a bisexual person as being "contaminated" by the opposite sex. I have never understood this, but I have heard it a few times.

    The final thing that I can think of is that there is a belief that bisexuals are more promiscuous. Sone have the idea that since bisexuals like multiple genders, they are more likely to cheat. This is not true, as a person that identifies as anything can cheat. That is an issue outside of sexual orientation. It is also harder for bisexuals to be visible, because they end up dating either the same sex or the opposite sex. They are seen by society as either being heterosexual or homosexual. People tend to not like the things outside of the "typical" boxes.

    I think that we can change this by being more visible if it is safe for us to do so. If people see and understand bisexuality better, I think that at least some stigma would go away.
     
    BiGemini87, BiBoyToy and Tightrope like this.
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    15,597
    Likes Received:
    3,452
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I echo Brad's thoughts. And the "just a phase" piece isn't out of left field; the problem is, a lot of people who are actually gay, as they're in the bargaining phase of the coming out process, describe themselves as bi, because they aren't ready to let go of their attachment to their heterosexual past. They eventually figure this out and come out as gay. But if they're in a gay relationship, and break up and date someone of the opposite sex... the same-sex ex might feel betrayed, and might generalize that experience to *all* bisexuals.

    There's also a lot of shame in the gay community and a feeling of "not belonging." How do you fix not belonging? Well... one (unhealthy and ineffective) way is to make others outcast so you can feel like part of the "in group." I think this actually drives a lot of the issues... not gay enough, not trans enough, not fit enough, etc... that we see in the LGBT community.

    And finally, people who are bi but in a gay relationship (or a straight one) for many years may not be seen as bi, but as whatever label fits the relationship they are in. Again, this is part of that shame cycle. I agree with Brad that the solution is greater visibility.
     
  4. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    734
    Likes Received:
    206
    Location:
    OH
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    When I 1st came out Bi a friend said im really just gay and hiding
     
    BiGemini87, Tightrope and BiBoyToy like this.
  5. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    5,048
    Likes Received:
    251
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The discrimination exists. The Williams research shows that bisexuals are a smaller percentage than gays or lesbians. Then you also hear how many people are off the Kinsey 0 and 6 end numbers and you'd think there would be more bisexuals.

    People can't handle the mix and match issues. They can't deal with your liking some sexual activities with women and other activities with men and why it is this way. They can't understand that you might prefer a really attractive member of your own gender than a member of the opposite gender who you don't find attractive if you had to pick. Also, this could also be preferring a very attractive member of the opposite gender instead of a member of your own gender who isn't your type. It's not easy.

    Some bi people are more stable and can stay committed longer or remain monogamous. Others are players or worry they might be if they had the chance. That's what makes it hard on the bisexual person, what stresses them out, and what people in general may not like. More heterosexual folk seem to be more put off by bisexuality, but the number of gays and lesbians who don't care for it all that much is not a small number. I have dealt with a lot of things in therapy but I have also run into therapists who aren't really put off by it, but don't know how to work with it ... and therapists who do say that it's real and that it can be a tricky situation because it doesn't have the support systems that it should.
     
    BiGemini87 and BiBoyToy like this.
  6. BiGemini87

    Full Member Away

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    565
    Likes Received:
    427
    Location:
    Petawawa, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've been fortunate not to experience too much of it first-hand in the two years I've been out. But what I have experienced has honestly been more from people of the LGBTQ+ persuasion than straight (though no mistake; there have been a couple of those, too).

    Everybody's more or less touched on the heart of it. If anything in particular has been missed, I can't think of what it is.

    Oh, except for the "straight passing" argument people make. Like it's supposed to make bisexuals feel better to be told they can essentially choose to pick a partner in order to blend in. Never mind how damaging that is--not to mention false. Who the hell actively chooses who they fall for/wind up attracted to? That's as good as telling us we can choose to be straight or gay. Because apparently, "bisexual" isn't self explanatory enough for them (not meaning gender, but the capacity for both heterosexual and homosexual attraction. Though to be fair, I think a lot of people--even bisexuals--don't necessarily know that).

    Oh, and I suppose also the part where people assume bisexual attraction excludes enbies and trans people, which is ridiculous for so many reasons that I'm not going to get into. You all probably know them, anyway. :grimacing:
     
    #6 BiGemini87, Feb 3, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2021
    BiBoyToy and gravechild like this.
  7. BiBoyToy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2021
    Messages:
    509
    Likes Received:
    141
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have also heard the idea that bisexual attraction excludes enbies and trans people, which makes no sense to me. I can't help wonder how many enbies and trans people actually feel that way.
     
    BiGemini87 likes this.
  8. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,420
    Likes Received:
    941
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have met some that do feel that way, if someone is attracted to them it makes the person Pan or at least Polysexual.
     
    BiGemini87 and BiBoyToy like this.
  9. BiBoyToy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2021
    Messages:
    509
    Likes Received:
    141
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you, I think I have a better understanding.

    Could this be a large part of the conflict? That enbies and trans people feel excluded by people that are bisexual?

    Second, Is it something to be shameful of if you're not attracted to them?
     
  10. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,420
    Likes Received:
    941
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I (though I do not identify as either trans or nonbinary, I am simply a woman who was AMAB) and many who I know that do identify as trans or nonbinary feel excluded by pretty much everyone, not just bisexuals and not just as dating partners but in regards to everything.

    I do not know about shameful, shame is something that I am trying to distance from
    https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame

    My own personal view on the subject though is -
    Not being attracted to some individuals is totally normal, pretty much everyone that I have met who is attracted to women are not attracted to ALL women and the same for attracted to men.
    BUT
    If you are attracted to men but not any men who were AFAB then you do not consider them men and if you are attracted to women but not any women who were AMAB then you do not consider them women.

    To put it another way
    Being attracted to men but not being attracted to AFAB men because they were AFAB means that you really see them as women still and being attracted to women but not being attracted to AMAB women because they were AMAB means that your really see them as men. This is by far the attitude of the vast majority of people.
     
    #10 QuietPeace, Feb 4, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2021
    BiBoyToy likes this.
  11. BiBoyToy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2021
    Messages:
    509
    Likes Received:
    141
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    What if you do consider men who who were AFAB to be real men, and women who were AMAB to be real women, but just sexually prefer men who were AMAB. Like you said, not everyone attracted to women are attracted to all women and the same for attraction to men.
     
  12. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,420
    Likes Received:
    941
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    @xx123xx I have already stated my position quite clearly.
     
    BiBoyToy likes this.
  13. BiBoyToy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2021
    Messages:
    509
    Likes Received:
    141
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I understand.

    Sorry if I came across the wrong way at all. I'm still fairly new to all of this, and just trying to figure it all out.
     
  14. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,420
    Likes Received:
    941
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    That is ok. I find that it is far too easy especially online to just keep going back and forth on something. Too often this can lead to arguments and that leads to hard feelings. I wish to avoid that sort of thing.
     
    BiBoyToy likes this.
  15. DecentOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2017
    Messages:
    808
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    East Coast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi xx123xx,
    At one point (in my 20’s?) some older gay guys said something like “oh, you’re a breeder” (in a sneering tone). Huh? I was confused (showed it on my face), but just walked away.
    I have never heard “Birthers”.

    As far as who bisexuals are attracted to - ask them. Or if someone is attacking bisexuality with their own definition (which I haven’t experienced, but I’m prepared just in case), be ready to explain that while people may choose labels it doesn’t help if those around them pick definitions without asking first. I was on a panel, helping to educate on LGBTQ issues, and there were two of us on the panel who identified as bisexual. I said I was attracted to “more than one sex or gender”. The other person (who was NB) differed and said they were only attracted to females, plus masculinity in any package (including their partner, a trans male), but not other NB’s. We used that to say that just because someone uses a label it might not mean the same thing to each person - so ask, don’t assume.

    The “bi” preface is not necessarily just male/female, to me it is very much “same and different from me”. I might fit pansexual, but I don’t know that I’ve met every gender in the universe so I can’t claim attraction to “all”, and I like the biangles and purple middle stripe better in the flag for bi.
     
    BiBoyToy and BiGemini87 like this.
  16. BiBoyToy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2021
    Messages:
    509
    Likes Received:
    141
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Well explained. Like you said, I think a large part of the problem are labels and people creating their own definitions.