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Bisexual confusion

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Butterfly6, Sep 28, 2020.

  1. Butterfly6

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    I identify as bisexual and definitely have feelings for both sexes. I'm also married to a wonderful, sweet man whom I'm still very much attracted to.

    In the last year things have taken a drastic change. I find myself constantly wanting to fantasize about being in a relationship with another woman.

    Sometimes its not as strong but when they are i feel disconnected from my family especially my husband, sex is also very difficult until I stop thinking about women.

    Then I'll connect with my husband again and find him attractive and keep picturing my beautiful life with him.

    Its extremely confusing and I feel like I've been like this all of my life. As a teenager I was in a relationship with another girl.
    We broke up because I couldn't handle my pent up feeings for guys (they were mostly sexual). This has always just been so confusing and I guess im looking for support.

    Is it possible to only be emotionally attracted to one sex and physically attracted to the other?
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey @Butterfly6 ,

    Realstically, no. If you are/identify as bisexual, you wouldn't be more emotionally or sexually to one gender vs the other. You certainly COULD be more attracted (both emotionally and sexually) towards on gender vs another. And, in my personal experience, the stronger attraction can change over your lifetime from one gender to another.

    Is what you are describing, perhaps, a commitment to your marriage/husband conflicting with a sliding sexual attraction to the same-sex?

    If you are asking for validation of your feelings, I can positively tell you that I have experienced what you are describing over my 55 years of life.

    If you are asking how to handle it, that is a much more complex issue, which I would be happy to explore with your - or, at least, discuss my experience and perspective.

    QR
     
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  3. Butterfly6

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    Hi yes,
    Maybe that's what I'm thinking. I just feel like I am so much more attracted to men sexually in the beginning and women are more emotional.

    Its just all so confusing. When these feelings come in strong I usually throw my hands in the air and I'm like omg okay I'm gay jeez.

    Only to find my husband or another man attractive again. Its just so confusing and when the feelings for women are strong its irritating...like an inch i can't scratch
     
    #3 Butterfly6, Sep 28, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2020
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  4. SilentM

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    Yes!
     
  5. BiGemini87

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    I'm on the fence about whether it's possible to be more emotionally invested in one and physically in another; I think, often when people say it can't be done, it's more of a "It's not commonplace" thing than an "it's impossible" thing. Asexuality exists, after all, and yet aces can still be emotionally invested in their partner--can still want a partner, regardless of a lacking interest in sexual intimacy.

    But on the topic of your feelings: I think there's sort of an ebb and flow when it comes to bisexuality. It could be your age, it could be your environment/the people you currently surround yourself, etc. It could be a lack of fulfillment, sexually or emotionally (perhaps due to shifting perceptions of yourself, your orientation, and your experiences.)

    All in all, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
     
    #5 BiGemini87, Sep 30, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2020
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  6. Andrew7

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    Well, based on my own experience as a bisexual, if I feel like guys, I usually only want guys, and if I feel like woman, I usually only want woman, at least in those specific moments/instances. For me, it's kinda like food, sometimes I feel like this, and not that, and other times the inverse. I think there might be multiple ways to interpret that, so to clarify further... I mean like, if I get in the mood, sexually towards 1 gender, then I tunnel vision in that specific instance towards that gender.

    Additionally, based on my own experience, and also what I've seen some others say here is that Bisexuality isn't necessarily a 50/50 split, in regards to attraction. For me, my attraction towards guys is about 80% and 20% female, roughly, so most of the time I'm just thinking about guys, but I think maybe if my attraction was closer to 50/50 then I would be swaying back and fourth more often switching up on the gender I'm tunnel visioning towards.

    My thoughts on this are rather simple, (however my explanation is not :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) but the things I like about guys vs girls, differ in both emotional and physical traits. I could list positive physical and emotional traits for both female and male, and each of these lists would be unique and have no influence on the other. Each individual trait would have it's own weighting in regards to the impact it has towards governing how strongly I feel towards the gender overall. Thus how strongly my overall feelings differ I believe is solely based on my own personal preferences that would be found on aforementioned virtual list of physical and emotional traits and of course where I am on the sexual spectrum heavily influences this.

    I hope my thoughts on that were not too convoluted xD But I think the theme is: I think as a bisexual, I can have strong physical or emotional traits desired towards one gender that the other doesn't have, and vice versa. And I think these desired traits will strongly differ from each individual. (e.g. the things that you like in each gender can differ to my own) resulting in many variations towards how a bisexual might feel towards each gender. Varations in regards to intensity and the reasoning for that intensity.
     
  7. SilentM

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    I'm convinced that you can be more romantic towards one person and more sexually attracted to another even if they are the same gender and when considering bisexual people and different genders this only becomes more pronounced.
     
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  8. BiGemini87

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    I think when we're talking about people on an individual basis, that makes sense. Of the people I've been attracted to physically and emotionally, the way I feel/felt about them varies. I just wonder if there's any credibility to being, say, more emotionally drawn to women and more physically drawn to men? Like I feel if someone does experience that, are there any exceptions where those feelings are reversed?

    In any case, I'm not saying I don't believe it's possible, just more that I think it's something that's not as common as people make it out to be; that perhaps the belief is based on their differing feelings about certain people they're attracted to without taking the whole into consideration?

    I could be wrong, though. It could just be that I've never experienced that disparity between men and women so much as people in general. *shrug*
     
  9. Joelle b

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    I am sexual attracted to men. I am. But I crave sexual AND romantic relationships with girls. Because of this I wonder if I am just a lesbian who had been taught her entire life that she should be shy around and attracted to guys. So I dunno. I currently identify as bisexual, and that’s what it’s like for me.
     
  10. Bastion

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    Human sexuality is confusing and complicated in my opinion. I don’t know if we can ever be certain 100%. Although I have read a lot about the subject and until now I have found no real and scientific evidence to say how it really works and why it is the way it is. And this becomes more complicated if you add romantic or emotions in the mix.

    It’s not clear to me at least. Maybe there are specific circumstances or situations or where you are in life that triggers a specific response to someone or another at a specific time.

    All I know there is no right or wrong answer to that. Maybe it would be more simple if we were to just be ourselves and choose with whomever you want to be with most in the present.