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Biggest disadvantage of being a gay?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by anthonybg, Jun 8, 2015.

  1. anthonybg

    anthonybg Guest

    I absolutely agree with you. Not being yourself is something way too hard because you always have to pretend to be someone you're actually not. And this may cause further problems, especially when it comes to a relationship.
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

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    I'm lucky in that I've never had any negative reaction from anyone. But what sucks is that I always have to think about how I'm going to present myself in new settings or around new people. I'm applying for jobs now and it sucks having to think "ok, how do I get a sense for the climate of a new workplace? How careful do I have to be in sharing my personal life with new coworkers?" Or going out in public with my bf and trying to get a sense of how tolerant a place is before we show any signs of affection toward each other.

    As much as that sucks, I've got to say it could be a lot worse. Living in the time and place I do, and surrounded by the people who are in my life, I think I'm pretty lucky all things considered.
     
  3. anthonybg

    anthonybg Guest

    Right... Sadly, that's the world we live in nowadays.
     
  4. sartorious

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    I feel your pain brother :icon_sad::icon_sad:
     
  5. Still Me

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    I really dislike it when people believe that being bi makes me a sexual predator. I also hate it when I say "I'm Bi" and some frat boy says he is not interested. I like men, but that doesn't mean I am attracted to every guy.
     
  6. tscott

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    For someone my age, finding people who aren't incredibly damaged by the effects of the 80's through the present.
     
  7. imnotreallysure

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    Being referred to as 'a gay". :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    In all honesty, my life has not been disadvantaged much, if at all, by being gay. Nobody has ever expressed their disapproval, nor have I been threatened with death or violence.
     
    #27 imnotreallysure, Jun 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2015
  8. anthonybg

    anthonybg Guest

    Well, it's always difficult to present your true self to new people, you can never know how are they going to react and what is their attitude going to be toward your preferences.

    ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 05:01 PM ----------

    Well, the UK is much more tolerant when it comes to gays.

    ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 05:02 PM ----------

    Absolutely. Or the fact that I'm gay does not mean I'm attracted to every single guy on this planet.

    ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 05:03 PM ----------

    Gays were oppressed back then, I guess. Sorry about that...

    ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 05:04 PM ----------

    Bro fist! :slight_smile:) I'm with you, brother. (*hug*)
     
  9. Christiaan

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    The real disadvantage is rather simple. I would have liked having children of my own. I do have the comfort of having a little baby nephew, and I shower him with attention as much as I can. I love kids. I love them to pieces.

    I know they don't stay little forever, but I'm really looking forward to seeing my nephew grow up and seeing what kind of man he turns out to be. I look forward to him having the little novelties that I send to him on his desk at his workplace, and as he turns off his Facetime call with a Chinese-speaking coworker, my dream is for him to have, right there in his office, his first book that exposed him to that language, Long is a Dragon. I want to be a part of his memories. I love him for the fact that he IS going to change because changing is what good people do. Our ability to change and to grow is our greatest treasure.

    And because I so deeply love seeing a person grow and learn and because I so deeply love being a part of it, I swear that, if it ever becomes available for a trans-woman to become fully reproductive, if I can ever afford it, I'm just going to go over to the other sex. I am not kidding or exaggerating one bit. I'm genderqueer. I could be either sex, and it's just that the sex that I am is male, which isn't as big a deal for me as it is for trans-women.

    But DANG, I'd love a family. That's the most serious, unavoidable buzzkill associated with me being gay, and I deal it by raising cats and showing love for my nephew. I cope just fine, and it's not really something that makes me deeply loathe the fact that I'm gay. There is good stuff, too, which I'll discuss elsewhere.
     
    #29 Christiaan, Jun 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2015
  10. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    For some lesbian specific issues, the biggest annoyance is worrying about men hitting on me and getting aggressive when they learn I'm not interested, the risks of corrective rape, etc. I've never faced any hate for liking women, but I've faced a lot for not liking men.
     
  11. PurpleGrey

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    For me, it's having to worry when I have to be somewhere new, where I don't know the general opinion of the LGBT community. I have to wonder if it's safe to be open about it.
     
  12. Libra Neko

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    Biggest disadvantages: smaller dating pool, assumption that you are into men just because you aren't butch.

    However, as a person with a serious mental illness, being a lesbian is by far not my biggest problem when it comes to attracting and keeping partners. So many people are tricked by the media into believing that we are usually unstable, dangerous, or at the least, so out of touch with reality that we can't be dealt with. Stigma against people with mental illness is worse than having to deal with some stupid homophobes. I don't give a shit what those people think anyway.
     
  13. Wondergirl

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    Yes, the biggest disadvantage is knowing many people think that you are not normal in some way. Dealing with narrow minded people is exhausting.
    When I was in high school, there was a girl that I had crush on and everyone found out about it, not by my choice. My entire high school years I had people at my school literally pointing at me, saying "lesbian". I hated every single day of my life, keeping everything inside me, because I knew no one would understand me. I felt that my feelings for this girl were wrong, very wrong, I felt dirty for having those feelings. As result, I pushed them away and convinced myself I was straight.. To me, the bullying back in high school was the biggest disappointment and disadvantage.
    As adult, I think that the biggest disadvantage is still dealing with ignorance and being lesbian or gay parent.
     
  14. anthonybg

    anthonybg Guest

    That's true. Especially for you, women. You always have to keep your eyes open and be careful what you say since you're not so physically strong to fight back if something happens.

    ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 11:40 PM ----------

    In all these years of hate, they couldn't get we're not crazy nor sinful. Homosexuality is something you're born with and you can't change any of it, for fuck's sake. We're totally normal with the only difference we are attracted to our own sex. :bang:

    ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 11:41 PM ----------

    Absolutely true. Some societies are fine with it, some are not, not at all...

    ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 11:45 PM ----------

    Man, you made me dream of having a family and kids. The way you described all this made me think I'd never be able to have children unless I adopt some. That's the only way for me... I hope you fulfill your dream!

    ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 11:49 PM ----------

    I'm really sorry you had to go through all this pain. I wish people were more tolerant toward us, the gay people. We haven't done anything to threat them nor harm their feelings. We're just like everyone else and actually they are the ones responsible for so many suicides and twists in the lives of many innocent gay people. :***:
     
  15. biisme

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    Feeling like you're not open if you don't mention it, but not wanting to be super awkward and bring it up for no reason. Especially if you know the people a long time. Like, at my work, I don't think anyone knows and I've worked here a year and a half. And, I'm not hiding it! It just never came up, lol.
     
  16. ApexxShadow

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    I think it's the way society shuns you, and shames you. when I was in the closet, I found myself lying more than telling the truth. Society acts like you don't exist, and it's really hard to deal with all the discrimination.
     
  17. anthonybg

    anthonybg Guest

    Yep. That's why I'm planning to move out of my shithole of a country.

    ---------- Post added 10th Jun 2015 at 12:04 AM ----------

    I'm not bringing up this topic till I have enough money to move out in case I get rejected.
     
  18. Azrael

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    For me there are three:
    1. The homophobic abuse that comes with the homosexuality
    2. Not being able to bring a girl (guy) home, or conceive a child naturally (it sucks when you're from an Asian household and you're the only boy left)
    3. Love, or rather the lack of it

    I'm not sure about others, but I'm less bothered by the homophobic bullying (unless if it comes from my family members if they find out), I've been abused quite a bit and I've had some self abuse, so it's not so much of an issue.

    It's the latter two of the three that pains, because the first would disappoint my mother and father and I'm not into disappointing people.

    And the love part, again, I'm not sure about others, but for me, I tend to fall in love easily open myself up to others, then get left on the side because they're either straight or not interested. It shouldn't be something that I should complain about but it hurts. And there's the difficulty of ever finding 'true' love, I'm not talking the passionate one, but rather the ones in high school, cuz it's only in those days that you can really like/love someone without any preconditions like wealth, status, power, etc... it's especially hard when you're in an Asian society or country.
     
  19. ChloeKiss

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    Getting hit on by straight guys and having my sexuality be fetishised by them. Like why would we have sex to please you? :lol: Out of everyone straight guys should understand exactly why I love women so like they should kindly fuck off and respect my sexuality :lol:

    Also crushing on cute ''straight girls''
     
  20. sporn

    sporn Guest

    Having no chance of even a date because of being closeted. Dealing with people doubting your sexuality because of stereotypes. I'm also in constant fear of having a fluid sexuality, so I avoid labels. It's hard to avoid labels because people think I'm sexually open minded. I'm not.